I'll Be There For You
by phoenixnz
Summary: A Smallville sitcom, based loosely on Friends
1. The One Where It All Began

_**So no one told you life was gonna be this way  
>Your job's a joke you're broke<br>Your love life's DOA**_

_**It's like you're always stuck in second gear  
>When it hasn't been your day your week your month<br>Or even your year**_

_**But I'll be there for you  
>(When the rain starts to pour)<br>I'll be there for you  
>(Like I've been there before)<br>I'll be there for you  
>Cause you're there for me too<strong>_

**Episode One: The One Where It All Began**

"I'm telling you, he was checking out my ass." Lex looked up as Clark came in and flopped down on the sofa.

"Tell me, Clark, do I look gay to you?"

Clark just looked back at him, puzzled. "I'm sorry, can you repeat the question?"

"Lex thinks his new assistant was checking out his ass. His new male assistant," Chloe qualified. "Personally, I think Lex is just obsessed with his ass."

Clark considered his friend. "Well, let's see. You're bald and obsessed with your looks. That's one."

"So not," Lex muttered.

"Plus you do wear a lot of purple."

Chloe snorted. "Yeah, that's true. So gay." Lex glared at her. She just grinned back at him.

Lana, sitting on the arm of the sofa, spoke up.

"I always thought you were just colour blind," she grinned.

"Plus," Chloe added to Clark's list, "you do drive those fancy sports cars."

"They're called Porsche's, Chloe," Clark smirked at her.

"It's pronounced Pour-sha!" Lex pointed out.

Chloe smirked. "So gay."

Lex's glare turned even darker. Chloe just grinned at him and blew him a kiss. Sighing, Lex turned his glare on Lana.

"Yes Lex?"

"Where's my coffee?" he whined. "I ordered coffee ten minutes ago."

"Coming your highness," she said with a mock bow, grinning at Clark's snort of laughter, going to get his coffee.

"Geez, want some cheese to go with that whine Mr caffeine junkie," Chloe muttered. Lex glared once again at her.

"Listen, Sullivan, if you want to talk caffeine junkies ..."

Clark rolled his eyes. Here we go again, he thought. As long as Chloe and Lex had known each other, they'd been at each other's throats. Why didn't they just get a room and get it over with?

"Why don't you guys just get a room and get it over with?"

Lex stared at him in astonishment. Chloe's face mirrored his. Then they both grabbed pillows from the sofa and hit him with it. Clark spluttered, laughing. Lana, meanwhile, had brought over the coffee.

"Your latte, your worshipfulness," she said with a grin at Lex, handing him his cup. He took it with an answering smile and patted her on the backside.

"Good girl. Now off you go."

"What? No tip?" Lana looked all doe-eyed at him.

"Here's a tip," he grinned. "Move faster."

Oliver came in and flopped down on the sofa next to Clark.

"Greetings," he said.

Lex looked at him. "Now you want to talk gay," he said. "How about a guy who wears tights? Green tights." Oliver looked affronted.

"They're leather, Lex, thank you very much. Green Arrow would never be caught dead in tights."

Lex glared at his old school buddy. "Uh, a little louder, Ollie, so Gotham city can hear you."

The door to the Talon was suddenly flung open and a girl in a white wedding dress came in from the rain. She was sopping wet and bedraggled, looking around frantically. Chloe frowned, then her eyes widened as she saw who it was.

"Lois?"

Lois Lane looked around then flung her arms her shorter cousin.

"Chloe, oh my god, am I glad to see you."

Chloe winced at the tight squeeze and pulled back. "Uh, Lois, you're dripping."

Lois' eyes widened. "Huh? Oh, well it is raining. And I ran all the way from the chapel."

"Chapel? Where you were supposed to be getting married. And I still can't believe you didn't invite me."

"It wasn't me, Chloe, I swear. It's my Dad. You know what the General's been like ever since he and Uncle Gabe had that massive blow-out."

Clark got up, grabbing a towel from the bathroom and handing it to Lois.

"Thanks Smallville," she said, towelling her hair.

"So, uh Lois, why are you here instead of getting married to, what was his name?"

"Wes. Wes I'm a lying cheating scumbag Keenan."

Chloe looked taken aback. "Okay, a little vehement, but I'll take it. What happened?"

"I caught him Frenching another girl. Right before the ceremony. But anyway, I'd kind of been thinking for a while that he wasn't the guy for me and I really wasn't sure I should be getting married and I remember sitting in that room ..." She paused for breath, looking up as Lana handed her a hot cappuccino, and Clark led her to the sofa. Oliver moved over obligingly. "Thanks. Anyway, I was sitting there, you know in that room where they make you sit to wait for the ceremony and I was thinking what am I doing? What am I doing? Why am I getting married if I'm having all these doubts? So I opened the window and I jumped out."

"You jumped out?"

Lois looked at Lex, noticing him for the first time.

"Yes, I jumped out. Where have you been?" She sipped her cappuccino and sighed appreciatively. "Wow, this is great coffee." Then she groaned. "My father's going to be so pissed."

Chloe put an arm around her cousin. "Come on," she said. "I have an apartment upstairs. Let's get you out of those wet clothes. I think I have something that will fit you."

"I'm sorry my Dad didn't invite you to the wedding, Chlo. Although I am kinda glad. I mean, what would I have done if you hadn't been here?"

"I'm sure you would have landed on your feet. You're a Lane after all."

Half an hour later, Lois came back down wearing jeans and a t-shirt and looked a little tight on her. Clark stared at her, taken by the sight of her in the tight clothes.

"Don't you have chores or something Farmboy?" she asked.

"Well, since my Mom left for Washington, we've leased the farm land to our neighbour and I went back to college full-time." He'd taken the rest of the semester and another year after his father had died but when Martha became a US Senator and moved to Washington, she had made him promise that he would return to college. He had done a few accelerate courses and halved his time, doing two years in one. He would graduate in spring with a degree in journalism and already had a job lined up at the Daily Planet, thanks to a certain editor.

"Oh. I was sorry to hear about your Dad. I bet he would have made a great senator."

"Thanks. I guess it's been a while huh. I haven't seen you since graduation."

"Yeah, well, you know the General. He wasn't going to be happy unless I tracked down Lucy and dragged her ass back home." After Lucy had got mixed up with a bad crowd, then tried to extort money from Lex, she had run off to Mexico, then had disappeared. General Lane had told Lois it was her 'mission' to find her sister and bring her home, or as Lois put it, to the stockade.

Lois' father chose that moment to walk in to the Talon.

"Lo, what's the meaning of this? Do you realise you have embarrassed me in front of the whole company?"

Lois gulped. "Daddy, I can explain."

Clark made a discreet exit, going back to sit with his friends in the corner. But they could still hear the raised voices of the two Lanes. They couldn't help but listen as Lois told him about Wes cheating on her. That it wasn't the first time and it certainly wasn't going to be the last. And she thought she was too young to get married anyway.

"It's like you've always said, Daddy. I'm a link in the chain of command. Well, maybe I don't want to be a link. Maybe I want to be ... I don't know, a lock."

They didn't hear Sam Lane's answer. Lex was snorting aloud. Clark shot his friend a look, telling him to shut up.

"It's a metaphor, Daddy," Lois practically screamed at him. He screamed back.

"Lo, I've tolerated your nonsense before. Now you either march back to base soldier, or find your own way."

"Fine Daddy, you know what, I don't need you. I can make it on my own."

"You do that Lo."

Everyone heard the slamming of the door. Lois appeared and sat down on the sofa adjacent to the one Clark was sitting on.

"So, I guess you heard all that, huh?"

They all grimaced.

"Sorry Lois," Chloe said.

She shrugged. "Hey, I'm a Lane, remember? I'm like a cat."

"With big ..." Lex muttered. Chloe kicked him in the ankle and he glared at her.

"So, what are you going to do?" Oliver asked, speaking for the first time since Lois had come in.

"Get a job, I guess. You hiring?" she said to Lana.

"You want to be a coffee jockey?" Lana asked, her almond eyes wide and incredulous.

"Got nothing better to do."

"She'll have to fill out an application," Lex said. "Got any relevant experience?"

Lana just glared at him. "Two words for ya, Lex. Silent partner. That means, you get no say in it." She put an arm around Lois' shoulder. "Come right this way," she said. "We'll get you kitted out."

Lois growled. "Lana?"

"Yes Lois?"

"No more military references, 'kay?"

"Gotcha."

Clark stayed on to help Lana with the clean up while the others made their way home. Chloe and Lois had gone upstairs to work on a game plan. As he was putting chairs on the tables, Lois came back downstairs.

"How're you doing?" he asked.

"Meh!" she said, shrugging her shoulders. She glanced toward the back room of the Talon where Lana was going through inventory. "So, what's with you and Lana? Last I heard you guys were joined at the hip!"

Clark shook his head. "I guess we finally realised we weren't just meant to be."

He wasn't going to tell Lois, but he'd fancied he'd had a crush on her for a little while. That had been back in senior year, when Lana had dated another guy. But then Lana had dumped Jason, who'd turned out to be a control freak, and they'd gone back to the same old angst. They'd finally broken up for good a year ago after they'd both realised they were better off being friends.

"I can't believe you're still friends with Lex, though."

"Lex isn't so bad," Clark said. "Give him a chance. I mean, I know he can come across as pretty arrogant, but he's a good guy, really."

Lois shook her head. "No such thing." She sighed and squared her shoulders. "Well, I should get going. I have an early start in the morning. I'm a working girl now."

"Good night, Lois," Clark said, watching as she went back up the stairs.

"Good night Clark."


	2. The One Where Ollie Loses a Bet

**The One Where Ollie Loses A Bet and Chloe's New Boyfriend**

Clark entered the Talon. It was one of those quiet days where nothing much was happening. Lois was idly wiping the counter but perked up when Clark came in.

"Hey Smallville. What's up?

"Nothing much. Pretty quiet in here."

"Yeah. Lana thought she'd get in some inventory time."

"She's out back?"

Clark casually settled on the stool.

"Yeah, you want her?"

He shrugged. "I heard she went out on a date last night. I was just curious."

"Oh." Lois sighed. "So what can I get you?"

Clark had already heard about Lois' lack of prowess in making coffee. About as bad as when Lana had first started at The Beanery, long before she'd had the idea of refurbishing the Talon.

"Umm, I'll just have coffee. Black."

Lois gave him an odd look but grabbed a cup and poured the coffee. She was about to say something else when she heard the door open.

"Afternoon Lois," Lex said. Behind him trailed Oliver.

"What are you guys doing here?" Clark asked.

"Yeah, don't you like have real jobs? Or do you guys just play at being corporate tycoons."

"Cute Lois," Lex said. Oliver meanwhile, leaned casually against the counter and leered suggestively at her cleavage. Well, the top she was wearing did show a lot. Lois pulled at the edge of the neckline in an attempt to pull the top up.

Oliver just nodded his head and grinned at her.

"Perv ..." she muttered.

It seemed that Oliver's charms were lost on her. Or maybe not. She was blushing as he continued looking her up and down.

"Careful Ollie. She's a black belt."

"Yeah she is," he nodded. "And it's a cute one, too." Well, she did have a black belt cinched around her waist.

Lex stared at him. "Do the words 'mentally deficient' mean anything to you?"

Oliver looked back at him, frowning. "Huh?"

"Just say yes, Oliver."

"Huh?"

"Meus cuspis exigo," Lex said. (My point exactly)

"Don't speak Latin to me, you freak," Oliver said.

"Who are you calling a freak?" Lex said.

Clark rolled his eyes and waved a hand in front of them before they could get into an argument. They had been like this from the moment they'd met at Excelsior Academy. Oliver was the popular one and Lex was the swot. Well, until he and Ollie had become friends. Then it was goodbye books, hello party town. Clark had heard all the gory details.

Oliver turned and leaned against the counter, ignoring Lois' efforts to clean. Not that she'd been making a good job of it. It was yet another thing Lois had had trouble with. She lived like a slob. Chloe had freaked because Lois had spilled ketchup on one of the couch cushions just last week.

Lana came out of the back room and looked at all three of the guys lounging around.

"What? No girls to seduce?" she said to Oliver.

"It's getting a little low. Why? Wanna sneak out the back and go for it?"

Lana just frowned at him. "No Oliver. A hundred times no."

"Aww," Oliver said. He looked Lana up and down appreciatively.

"Hey," Lex said. "Can you get your mind out of your pants for one second?"

"Just because you have trouble getting any horizontal action."

"I can get action just fine, thank you very much."

"I'll bet you a million bucks you can't get a date within 48 hours. And no, you can't ask Mrs Kent."

"Eww. That's a picture I really don't want in my mind, thank you very much," Clark said.

"Why, Clark? Your mom's hot!"

Clark began rubbing his hand and scowling as if he'd touched something disgusting. Then flipped Oliver off.

"Charming," Lois said.

Wanting to distract himself from the thought of Lex dating his mom, Clark looked at Lana, who was leaning on the counter next to Lois.

"How'd your date go last night?" he asked.

"Well, he walked me to my car and said, well this was great, we should do this again some time."

"Ooh, ouch!" Lex winced.

Lois looked puzzled. "Why? What's so bad about that?"

"Don't you know that is like strike out city?" Chloe said. None of them had noticed she had come in. "A guy always says that when he wants to give a girl the brush-off."

Lex and Oliver both nodded. "Very true."

Then Lex looked at Oliver. "But you always end up having sex with them."

"Well, yeah. I mean, a date's not a date unless they put out."

Lana snorted. "Ollie, you'd sleep with anyone. Even a dog. As long as they put out."

"I find that very offensive to dogs," Chloe piped up.

"Yeah, even dogs have standards," Clark said.

"Droll, guys, very droll."

"Like I said," Lex sighed. "Mentally deficient."

"Speak for yourself chrome dome."

Clark sighed. Sometimes his two friends drove him crazy. He looked at Chloe. "So what brings you here so early?"

"I have a date. A guy in accounting."

"Ooh." It was Lana's turn to wince. "What did you do?"

"Hey, he's not that bad. In fact, he's actually pretty nice."

"Well, anyone has to be better than the last one you dated," Clark remarked. "Talk about snore city."

"Yeah, I can't remember the last time I actually nodded off in the middle of a conversation," Lex added.

"When do we get to meet this guy?" Oliver asked.

"Let's see, today's Friday. How about never?"

"Aww, come on, Chlo. We'd really like to meet him."

"After what you guys did to Josh? No thanks, Lo."

"Hey, we couldn't help it. The man had a rug that would have gone better in my office."

"That was not a rug, Lex," Chloe protested. "And you guys scared him off. I really like this guy and you guys can be intimidating."

"We'll be good," Lex said. "Promise."

Chloe sighed. "All right. Fine. But if I get one hint of a bad joke at his expense I will kick your asses from here to Edge City. So best behaviour. Got it?"

Clark stood and made a gesture like a salute. "Ma'am, yes ma'am."

Chloe just glared at him. She glanced at her watch, then looked up as the door opened. She pasted a huge smile on her face and went to greet the newcomer.

"Hi, Adam." She turned and looked at her friends. "Uh, everybody, this is Adam. Adam, this is everybody."

Unlike the last guy, who had been so thin he looked like he'd fall over as soon as someone breathed on him, Adam was slender but with a wiry frame. He had blue eyes that sparkled, standing out beneath the mop of wavy brown hair.

Clark was the first to approach him.

"I'm Clark," he said.

Adam shook his hand and chuckled. "Whoa, nice grip there farm boy." His blue eyes twinkled merrily. "Don't worry. Chloe's already warned me about all of you."

"Oh she has, has she?" Lex said, with a none-too-subtle glare at Chloe.

"Yeah," Adam grinned. "And by the way? This?" he said, clutching his mop of hair. "It's real. Jealous?"

Lex had to laugh in spite of himself.

Next day, Lex was lounging on the sofa, lamenting the fact that he still hadn't found a willing victim (woman) to go out with him so he could win the bet with Oliver.

"Maybe I should just call Vicky," he said.

"God no," Lana said. "Can you imagine it? Her with that horrible British accent?"

"It's not that bad."

"Lex, come on, you slept with her just so you could get information on her Dad's business."

"Yeah, but she's the only one who ever put up with me! Who didn't care about my money."

"And that's a ringing endorsement if ever I heard one," Lois commented. "Who's this Vicky?"

"Victoria Hardwicke," Clark explained. "She and Lex have known each other since they were kids. Her father is Sir Harry Hardwicke. He's what they call from old British stock, but the money, that's kind of new. His great-grandfather was an Earl, or something. But they were as poor as anything until Sir Harry made a killing on the British Stock Exchange."

"And he never lets anyone forget his heritage," Lex drawled lazily.

"Former girlfriend?" Lois asked Lex.

"Hardly," Clark snorted. "She came to Smallville when Lex had been here a few months and walked around as if she kept smelling something nasty. Anyway, Sir Harry was trying to get inside information on Luthorcorp and Victoria slept with Lex to get it."

"A nice summation, Clark, but you're leaving out a few details."

"Like what? You told me it wasn't anything to do with love."

"It wasn't. But like I said, she's about as close to getting horizontal as I've managed to get lately."

"Aww, poor Lexy," Lois soothed. "Is Lex junior feeling neglected?"

"Save it Lane," he growled. Then he moaned. "I am so going to lose that bet."

"They can't be that scarce," Clark sympathised.

"Speaks the guy who hasn't had a date in how long?"

"Hey, there are good reasons why I don't date," Clark told him. "And you know what they are."

He glanced quickly at Lois, but she had turned to clean the machine and hadn't been paying attention. Chloe chose that moment to come in, followed by Oliver.

"So?" she said.

"What?" they all chorused.

"When does it begin?" They all looked puzzled. "The Adam bashing," she sighed.

Clark quickly went to his own defence. "Actually, I liked the guy."

"Me too," Lana said.

Chloe looked at the other three. "And you guys?"

Oliver gave her the thumbs up. "We think you're onto a winner with this one."

"Yep," Lex confirmed. "And this guy will certainly be the one we will measure all guys against."

Chloe stared at them. "You guys have to be kidding."

"Would we lie?" Lois said, raising her eyebrows in a gesture of innocence.

"No, but you do exaggerate from time to time."

"We're being honest this time," Clark said. "We liked him."

Chloe sank down on the sofa. "Oh thank goodness for that."

Oliver sat on the sofa and put his feet up on the table. Lana frowned at him but said nothing.

"So, Lex? Who's going to win that bet tomorrow?"

Lex just growled and got up, going out. Oliver stared after him.

"What did I say?"

The others were still sitting in the Talon two hours later when Lex showed up with a woman in tow. And it wasn't Victoria.

"Everybody, I'd like you to meet Shannon. Shannon, this is everybody."

"Hi," they all chorused.

Shannon seemed nice. A brunette, like all the others Lex had a habit of dating. Clark had a horrible flashback to a mad woman who had tried to kill Lex once. Her name had also been Shannon.

"How'd you meet her?" he asked Lex when he managed to pull him aside.

"She was stuck on the side of the road. Her car broke down. I invited her out to dinner." Lex smirked. "She doesn't even know who I am."

Oliver came up and clapped a hand on his back. "Well, congrats. I didn't think you had it in you. Of course, the bet was you had to get horizontal with her."

"Oh no," Lex returned. "The bet was I had to get a date within forty-eight hours. It's not even thirty, so pay up loser."

Oliver's face was picture. Both Clark and Lex knew he was thinking he could still wriggle out of the bet.

"Uh, will you take a cheque?" he asked.

"You can pay me any way you like Ollie. As long as I get it in cash." Lex grinned. "Sucker!"

Oliver glared at him. But he wasn't given the opportunity to retort as Adam came in. Soon the bet was forgotten as Adam laughed and joked with them, often at his own expense.

"Chlo, I really like this guy," Lois said as they cleaned up at the end of the night. "I think he's good for you."

Chloe sighed. "I know. And I'm glad you like him. There's only one problem."

"Yeah? What's that?" Clark asked.

"I'm dumping him."

"What?" Everyone in the room turned and looked at her, startled.

"Why are you dumping him?" Lex said.

"Well, he's a great guy and everything. But that's the problem. I keep thinking there's something wrong with him."

"There's nothing wrong with Adam," Clark said.

"That's the whole point, Clark. He should have a flaw. Everyone has flaws. You have a flaw."

"I do?"

"Yeah. You know when you act all goofy around a girl you really like. I mean, it's a flaw, but it's kind of endearing."

"I don't act all goofy," Clark protested.

"Yeah, you do," Lex confirmed.

"And you," Chloe said, looking at Lex. "Every time you want to prove a point about something you go and quote something from history."

"Hey, yeah, and it's usually Alexander the Great," Lana pointed out.

"So not," Lex muttered. Then he looked up. "Well, Lana chews her hair when she's nervous. Or distracted."

Lana, who was chewing on her hair, quickly pushed it out of her mouth. Oliver laughed and snorted.

"And what the hell is that?" Lex asked. "You sound like a bull or something."

"We had a bull," Clark said. "He didn't sound like that."

"Well you ... " Oliver began, protesting hotly. Suddenly they were all arguing about each other's bad habits. Chloe just leaned back against the sofa and sighed heavily. She was definitely breaking it off with Adam. Besides, he'd already confessed to her that while he liked her, he just couldn't stand her friends. Watching them argue now, she had to admit, she could understand why.


	3. The One Where Clark and Lois Do Laundry

**Episode Three: The One Where Clark and Lois Do Laundry**

"Hey guys." Lex strolled into the Talon, looking cool and casual in a dark blue cashmere sweater and black pants. Clark, Chloe and Oliver were sitting on the sofa, waiting for their orders. Lois was busy trying to make the coffees.

"Hey Lex." Clark took a good look at his friend. "Whoa. You're looking sharp."

"Yeah, got a date."

Oliver stared at him, cocking an eyebrow. "You? The guy who says he hasn't had sex in so long he's almost forgotten how? So how did you score that? I mean, we are talking about a real girl here, right? Not one you have to blow up?"

Lex glared, then smirked. "Yeah, that's right. Make fun of the bald guy who's had to endure enforced celibacy for the last six months."

"Yeah, like we don't know how that feels," Lana said, passing him with a tray full of drinks.

"Hands up those who haven't had sex in like forever," Chloe said, raising her hand. Clark raised his. So did Lana.

"Okay, okay," Lex said nodding his head. "So I should have known better than to come to my friends for a little moral support. It's just ... well, it's been a while."

"We know," Lois cried, rolling her eyes. She had come over with the tray of coffees. "So, uh, who gets the non-fat, extra foam, double shot caramel latte?"

Chloe raised her hand again. "Lo, when are you going to remember how I like my coffee?"

"Geez Chlo, caffeine addicted much?"

"Speaks the woman who actually works in a coffee shop."

"Work?" Lana snorted as she passed with the empty tray. "Hmm, when does she actually have time to work, you know, between the flirting and the chatting and the smiling. Did I mention the flirting?"

"Lana, did I mention you're the best boss I've ever had?"

Lana grinned at Lois. "I thought I was the only boss you ever had," Lana retorted.

Clark suddenly stood up, spilling his coffee all over himself.

"Damn it," he said.

Chloe and Oliver looked at each other, then at Lex. All three of them shrugged. Lois came rushing over with a towel.

"No," he said. "I'll go clean up in the bathroom."

Lois watched him go then looked at the others. "Is it me or is Clark kind of klutzy?"

"No, Lois, it's just you," Chloe said.

All the others knew it was a signal that Clark had heard a cry for help. The Blur wasn't yet well-known in the city, but Clark was slowly making a name for himself.

Lex had found out first. It had taken a couple of years for their friendship to get to that level where Clark wasn't afraid of being put in a lab so he could tell his friend the truth. But Clark's secret had almost been exposed during his sophomore year of high school and he'd turned to Lex to help him get out of the predicament.

Chloe had found out senior year of high school. She'd always felt there was something odd about Clark, especially when she began writing stories about the meteor freaks for the high school paper, The Torch. It seemed that Clark would always end up in the right place at the right time to fight off whatever freak of the week happened to be threatening the student body.

Senior year, Chloe had been working on a story about a series of attacks – all blamed on a girl Clark had dated briefly. Alicia Baker had been exposed to meteor rocks as a toddler and she had the ability to teleport. Alicia had wanted Clark to tell the Sheriff the truth about himself, hoping that it might help clear her name. When he wanted, she decided to use another tack – teleporting Chloe to a place where she could watch Clark perform a 'rescue'.

Lana had been next to find out the truth, and only because Clark hadn't wanted to keep lying to her. Their relationship had always been on/off and his secret had been the wedge that often drove them apart. Lana had taken time to accept what he was and that was what had ultimately split them apart, leading them both to decide they were better off as friends.

Oliver, of course, had come to Metropolis two years earlier and Clark had discovered his alter ego – Green Arrow. Helping Chloe chase down a story on a series of thefts, Clark had confronted Oliver who had told him the items he was stealing were actually bought on the black market. The security company which worked for one of the owners of the black market items decided to take matters into their own hands and Oliver had almost been killed.

Clark was back in ten minutes. Lois gave him an odd look, but said nothing. His shirt was wet, as if he had been cleaning the coffee off.

"What was it?" Lex asked quietly.

"Mugging. No biggie."

"You need to be careful though," Lex said.

"I'm always careful," Clark answered. He looked up as a shadow fell over him. Lois had brought him another coffee.

"Try not to spill this time, 'k Smallville?"

"Yes ma'am," he said. He turned to his friends. "So I was watching this old movie the other night and there was this girl – she was sitting there talking to this guy and she reaches in under her sleeve and pulls out her bra. Just like that. I mean, how do women do that?"

"I don't know," Lois said, sitting on the arm of the sofa. "I've always wondered how men can pee standing up."

Oliver, meanwhile, had that glazed look which meant he was only half listening to the conversation.

"Yo, Earth to Ollie," Chloe said, snapping her fingers in his face.

"Huh? Sorry, I was just thinking, I mean, women, you know ... how can they get through the day and not touch themselves. I mean, breasts."

"You're a freak Queen," Lana said. Then she looked pointedly at Lois. "You know, Lo, we do have other customers waiting for coffees."

Lois jumped up and mock saluted her. "Yes chief, anything you say chief."

Lana smacked her lightly over the head with a menu, sighing. Lois was just not cut out to be a coffee jockey and they all knew it.

Lex looked at his watch. "I should get going. She'll be waiting for me."

"Just who is this wonder girl, anyway?" Oliver asked.

Lex looked a little uncomfortable, grimacing. "Uh, I don't want to say."

"Why? Is she hideous or something?"

"No. It's uh, Vi ...mmmph," he said, covering his mouth.

"I'm sorry, what?" Clark said. "I have a funny feeling you just said ..."

"It's Victoria, okay? I'm going out with Victoria."

"Hardwicke?" Chloe asked. "As in, 'it's just business'?"

Lex grimaced again. "Yes."

"What have you got a death wish or something?" Lana asked.

"Hey, she's not that bad."

Clark patted his friend on the shoulder. "Yeah, you keep telling yourself that next time she decides to sleep with you so she can spy on your company."

Lex glared at his friends. "I hate you."

"Whatever," they chorused.

With a sigh, Lex turned and left the Talon. The rest of them all looked at each other and shrugged. Lois comes and sits next to Clark, sighing.

"So guess what?"

"What?" he asked.

"I got a call from my father today. He told me to march my butt back to the base or he's going to cut me off. Can you believe that?"

"Why are you still getting money from your Dad? Don't you earn enough in tips here?"

"Well, yeah, but you know, I have to have clothes. And stuff."

"You work in a coffee shop, Lo. And you live with me upstairs. It's not like you need to be a fashion plate."

"I don't plan on being a coffee jockey forever," she told Chloe loftily. Then she turned back to Clark. "Anyway, he seems to think I can't make it on my own."

"Please, you practically lived at our place my senior year. You took over my bedroom while I had to sleep on the couch."

"Aww, poor Clarkie," she soothed. Clark just glared.

"Oh man," Oliver moaned.

"What?" Chloe asked.

"That girl who just walked in. I slept with her."

"You've slept with half the women in the county," Chloe commented. "What's different about this one?"

"I told her I have a girlfriend." Chloe rolled her eyes. "I know, I know," he said. "But you know how it is, you sleep with someone and they're okay, but it's not like you want to, you know, sleep with them again. Chlo, you have to pretend to be my girlfriend."

"No way!"

"Please! I don't want to end up like Lex, with, you know, an obsessive stalker or something. I mean, why else would she be in here?"

"Gee, I don't know, Ollie. Maybe to buy a coffee?"

Oliver's eyes widened. "She's coming over," he said in a loud whisper. He looked up, smiling brightly at the woman.

"Oliver Queen. I thought that was you."

"Hi Miranda."

"Monica."

"Oh, right. Sorry. Monica."

"Is this your girlfriend?" she said, looking at Chloe. Oliver sent Chloe a pleading look. Chloe rolled her eyes, then stood up and turned to face the girl.

"Actually, yes, I am. Why?"

"Oh, no reason," Monica said. "I'm sorry. I guess I was interrupting." She turned and walked away, but not before giving Chloe an evil look.

"Well, colour me corrected," Chloe said. She glared at Oliver. "You owe me. Big time."

"I know, and I'm sure you'll collect."

Clark, meanwhile, had got up to talk to Lois.

"So what are your plans for tonight? Saturday night. Date night."

"Please. You think I can afford to date on my minimum wage? No offence Lana," she said, looking at the brunette.

"None taken," Lana said.

"Anyway, I've got a whole pile of laundry to do."

"I could help," Clark offered.

Lana groaned and rolled her eyes. Lois turned and looked at her. "Something the matter?"

"Uh, no, nothing. I, uh, will just be out back."

Chloe and Oliver had stopped talking and were looking on in amusement. Lois went to serve a couple of high school kids. Chloe grinned at Clark.

"Really! Offering to help do her laundry? Geez, and I thought you were too obvious with your Lana-lusting back in high school."

"Yeah, like the last thing Lois wants you to see is her underwear," Oliver cracked. Then his eyes took on that glazed look, as if he was imagining Lois in her underwear. "On second thought ..."

Chloe glared at him. "Do you ever stop thinking about sex?"

"Is there anything better?" He got up, stretching lazily. "I gotta go. Got a hot date."

"Yeah, how much is this one's IQ?" Chloe smirked. "I mean, are we talking Forrest Gump or a little lower?"

Oliver leaned over and pinched her cheek. "You're so cute, Chloe. That's why I love you."

"Not in a million years, Queen. Hell would have to freeze over first."

"She wants me," Oliver smirked as he headed out the door. Clark and Chloe just looked at each other and sighed. Lois came back over.

"If your offer stands, Clark, maybe I can bring my laundry by the house around, I don't know, eight?"

Clark grinned and nodded. "Sure. Sounds good."

Next day saw them once again lounging about lazily on the sofas. Lois was grumbling.

"Well how was I to know I'm supposed to separate your whites from your colours? I never did laundry before."

"No, you just left your dirty clothes on the floor of your bedroom and a good fairy, like my Mom, came along, picked it up, washed it and put it back in your closet."

Lois glared at Clark. He sighed. Just when things were starting to warm up between them. Chloe smirked.

"So what happened?"

"Lois happened. She left a red shirt in with her whites and now they're pink. And she says it's my fault for not telling her."

"Well, I could have warned you, Clark. I mean Lois and domestic chores?" Chloe shuddered. "Much as I love my cousin, she is a born slob."

"Hey!" Lois growled. Her cousin just grinned at her.

Oliver and Lex came in, arguing, as usual.

"That park was mine, Queen."

"Didn't see your name on it, Luthor."

"You put a dent in my Porsche, Ollie."

"Oh cry me a river."

Lana just glared at him. "Hey, guys, I have customers here."

Lex looked around. "Where?" The place was practically empty except for the friends. Lana just rolled her eyes. He turned back to Oliver. "Anyway, you're just jealous because your date was a bust last night, while mine was perfect."

"We are talking about Vicky Hardwicke though, right. It couldn't have been that good."

"Ah, what d'you know?"

Clark looked at his bald friend. Lex was actually looking ... happy. He flopped down on the sofa and put his feet up on the table.

"We actually ended up talking, all night."

"Are you saying you didn't have sex with her?" Chloe said. She looked disappointed. "C'mon. Seriously? Damn, I so need to live vicariously right now."

"Oh he slept with her," Oliver said. "He's got that morning-after glow."

"I do not have a glow," Lex growled. "Anyway, it ended up being a great night. Best I've had in a long time. I think this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship."


	4. The One With The Flashbacks

**Episode Four: The One With The Flashbacks**

Lex was sitting on the sofa with his arm around Victoria. They had been dating for about a month and the friends had barely seen Lex. It seemed the auburn-haired beauty had been monopolising a lot of his time lately.

Clark was surprised to see his friend, since he hadn't seen him in over a week.

"Hey, Lex," he said, then politely added, "Victoria." Lex gave him a look, hearing the frostiness in his voice.

It wasn't long before the rest of the gang came in to the Talon. They all saw Victoria and hesitated. Chloe just shrugged and plopped down on the sofa opposite the couple.

"So where have you been hiding?" she said.

"Around."

"Uh-huh."

Victoria looked at Chloe and Clark. "So you still hang out with Lex?" She looked at him. "Don't you get tired of them?"

"They're my friends, Vic," he told her. "What do you want me to do? Ignore them?"

She shrugged as if to say 'whatever'. She looked back at Clark and Chloe, then gave Oliver and Lana both withering looks.

"So," she said slowly. "How is it that you all hang out together but you've never, you know, got horizontal?"

Oliver leered at Chloe. "Now who said never?"

"No comment," Chloe glared back at Ollie, then at Victoria. Victoria laughed.

"Really? You two? You're together?"

"God no. Not even if hell froze over," Chloe told her.

Victoria stared at her. "Didn't you used to have a crush on Clark?"

Clark coughed. "I'd like to get back to the original question."

"Which is what?" Lex asked with a grin.

"Who here has done it with anyone else here?" Victoria said with a sly grin.

"Who hasn't?" Lex answered with a chuckle.

"You wish, Luthor," Chloe told him smartly.

"Maybe in your dreams, Lex," Lana retorted as she passed, busy serving another customer.

"Ah be still my heart," Lex said, clutching his chest. Lana just rolled her eyes.

"No, really," Victoria said. She looked at Clark, who sighed.

"Where do we start?"

"Where everything starts," Lex smirked.

_FRESHMAN YEAR_

_It all started with a bang really. The bang was the front tyre of Lex's Porsche, speeding at sixty miles an hour toward Loeb Bridge, after it had run over a bale of barbed wire which had fallen off a truck. Clark had been standing at the bridge, brooding. He froze as the Porsche spun out of control, speeding toward him. The car crashed against the barrier and went over._

_Recovering from his shock quickly, Clark dived down, grabbing the door and wrenching it open, pulling the driver out of the car._

"That is not what happened, Clark," Lex said in a low voice. Low enough for Victoria not to hear but enough for Clark's super-hearing to pick it up. Clark just gave him a glare. It was his flashback and he would tell it his own way. What am I going to do, he thought. Tell her my secret?

_He pulled the driver onto the bank and found he wasn't breathing, so gave him mouth to mouth. When that didn't work, he tried compressions on the chest. His technique was sloppy, and he wasn't even sure he was pressing in the right place, but it seemed to work. After about a minute of those compressions, the driver, a bald man, only a few years older than him by the look of it, coughed and spluttered, choking on river water._

_Clark looked down into the blue-grey eyes as the man stared up at him._

"_I thought I hit you."_

"_If you did, do you think we'd be sitting here now?" Clark said with a smile of relief._

"_Good point. I'm Lex."_

"_Clark."_

_So began the friendship of legends. Or so Lex pompously claimed. Lex had repaid Clark's good deed with a brand new truck, which Clark's father had immediately made him return._

"_What? You didn't like the colour?" Lex asked._

_Clark just grimaced and handed the keys over, telling Lex he couldn't keep it. Lex had pursued the friendship, discovering that Clark's parents were poor farmers who could barely make ends meet, and he tried to help in other ways._

"Wait a minute. You returned the truck? You actually returned the truck?" Victoria was incredulous.

"You're only just getting that?" Lex said. "Yes, he returned the truck. Go on, Clark."

_Lex met Chloe when he visited the school to talk to the principal about donating some computers. The Luthorcorp fertiliser plant was upgrading and he'd decided to give the old computers to the school. Since Clark had told him all about Chloe's obsession, he'd decided to visit the Torch office to check it out._

"_Wow, I'm impressed," he said as he looked at Chloe's Wall of Weird._

"_Thanks," Chloe said. Clark watched Chloe as she looked at Lex. She was clearly impressed with the older man. Clark just grinned._

"_So, you actually collated all this data yourself?" Lex asked._

"_No, I just twitched my nose and it all appeared," Chloe said with biting sarcasm. Clark rolled his eyes, but Lex just laughed._

"_I think I'm going to like you, Chloe Sullivan," he said with a wink._

_Months later, Lana approached him to turn the Talon into a coffee shop instead of a parking garage. At first, he refused, until Lana decided to present him with a business proposal. Clark realised Lex only did it because of their friendship, and because he wanted to gain some ground in the town. People still tended not to trust the Luthors, blaming them for everything that went wrong in the town._

"So you never ... not with Chloe or Lana?" Victoria asked Lex.

"Oh please," Chloe said, rolling her eyes. "As if."

"Aw come on Chloe," Lex leered. "Don't you remember that summer when you were in the safe house."

Clark looked at Chloe. "Hey, whoa, what was this?"

"Nothing," Chloe said, reddening.

"Chloe tried to seduce me," Lex smirked.

"Oh, I did not," she said, turning on him.

"So what was it, then? You tripped and your lips fell on me?"

It was Oliver's turn to look incredulously at Chloe. "You actually kissed him?"

"I was drunk, okay?"

"You know that was illegal, right?" Clark pointed out. "I mean, you were seventeen and drinking." Chloe just glared at him.

"Oh what do you know, Smallville, you're like the last proverbial boy scout, right? I bet you've never been drunk in your life."

Lois, who had been serving customers, sort of, had come and sat down on the arm of the sofa. She stared at her cousin.

"You actually kissed Uncle Fester," she said, full of wide-eyed incredulity. Then she turned to look at Lex. "No offence."

Lex just waved his hand as if to say none taken.

"Okay, Lois, so I kissed him. No big deal."

"For you, maybe," Lex said quietly. Victoria looked at him thoughtfully, pursing his lips. "I mean," he added hastily, "think of how insulting it is to know that a woman will only kiss me when she's drunk."

"Well at least I only kissed you," Chloe pointed out, reddening even more. "I slept with Oliver."

"Gee, thanks," Oliver said.

"Wait, whoa, what?" Victoria said. "I thought you said you guys weren't together?"

"Well, now we're not," Chloe told her.

Victoria leaned forward eagerly. "Oh this I've gotta hear."

_Chloe had been helping Martha Kent with a fundraiser she was heading in her new duties as a senator. She had been delivering some items for the charity auction to the farm when she saw a classic Ferrari in the driveway. A tall, blonde man was knocking at the screen door._

"_They're out," she told the man as she climbed the porch steps with a big box in her arms._

"_And you would be ..." he prompted. _

"_Chloe Sullivan. I'm a friend of the family."_

_He stepped forward to take the box from her hands. "Here, let me help you with that," he said. Chloe dug in her pocket for her keys and unlocked the door._

"_And you are?" she asked._

"_Oliver Queen. I came to see Mrs Kent."_

"_She should be back soon," Chloe said, stepping into the kitchen. "Uh, you can put that down on the table."_

_Oliver stared her up and down. "You don't know who I am," he said._

_Chloe stared at him. "Actually, I do. What's your point?"_

"_And you're not impressed by that?"_

"_Geez, arrogant much?" she quipped._

"_Well, I just meant ..."_

"_Relax, Mr Queen, I'm just playing with your head. You're here to talk to Mrs Kent about the charity foundation, right?"_

"_Uh yeah." He seemed still taken aback by the fact that she couldn't care less who he was. But it seemed Chloe had made something of an impression on the blonde billionaire as he invited her next day to Lex's masquerade ball._

_They had dated a few months, but it had come to nothing. The truth was, Chloe was intent on pursuing her career as a reporter and she didn't want her friendships with either billionaire, Lex, or Oliver, to interfere with that. She wanted to make her own way in the world._

_Still, she and Oliver had become good friends. They would flirt, tease each other mercilessly, but there were no hard feelings over the failed romance._

"I don't know if I could stay friends with someone I'd slept with," Victoria mused.

"Yeah, well I'm not you," Chloe said.

"Oh, I don't know," Oliver drawled. "I could always go for a second round."

"Pigs would have to fly, hell would have to freeze over and you would have to be the last man on Earth," Chloe told him. Oliver blanched at that, looking offended.

"Gee, Chloe, I didn't know you cared," he muttered.

Lana patted his shoulder as if to comfort him. "Never mind Ollie, you still have me," she said.

"Gee, thanks," he told her.

"Don't mention it," she beamed.

"That brings me to Clark and Lana. Did you guys ever actually ..."

"Yes," Clark said shortly.

"And?"

"Nothing."

"Ooh, ouch," Lois said sympathetically. "And here I was thinking that you two were totally hot for each other."

"It didn't work out," Lana told her.

"And that's all we have to say about that," Clark told her.

"Huh," Victoria said. "I'm amazed that you guys are still friends after all that angst. I mean, you, Clark, had the biggest crush on Lana for the longest time. Like since first grade, if I remember correctly. Is that right Lex?"

"Yeah, you had to remind me of that," Clark said, glaring daggers at his friend, daring Lex to confirm it.

"On that note, I think we better get going," Lex told Victoria as he stood up. "You've got me in enough trouble already."

"Heaven forbid," the auburn-haired beauty replied. Nevertheless, she got up and followed Lex out.

Lois looked curiously at Clark and Lana.

"Why didn't it work out between you two?" she asked.

"Does it matter?" Clark returned. He got up and went to the counter to order himself another coffee.

"Sorry," Lois muttered apologetically. "I didn't realise I was stepping on some toes."

Chloe and Oliver sighed, while Lana got up to go and clean some tables.

"It's not you," Chloe told her cousin. "It's just ... well, after everything they went through to be together, they realised they weren't meant to be."

"That's gotta hurt," Lois said. She got up and went to Clark. "I'm sorry things didn't work out between you and Lana."

Clark shrugged. "It's not your fault."

Lois smiled. "Well, you know what they say. It's like you put all your pennies in a piggy bank to save for that bike and then one day you suddenly realise you're actually saving for a Harley. You'll find the right woman for you," she smiled. "You never know. She might even be under your nose."

Clark turned and looked at her, then smiled. "You never know," he echoed.


	5. The One Where Lois Finds Out

**Episode Five: The One Where Lois Finds Out (No, not that thing, the other thing)**

Chloe walked downstairs to where Lana was busy cleaning.

"Hey Lana."

The brunette looked around. She smiled at her friend.

"Hey! What's up?"

Chloe leaned on the counter. She lowered her voice.

"So, Lois is still taking one of her marathon showers. Are we ready?"

"Almost. Just have to get the supplies ready."

"It was good of Lex to let us use the mansion," Chloe said. "Even if we have to put up with you-know-who."

"Aw, come on Chlo. She makes him happy."

Chloe turned and glared at Clark. "Yeah, right. She's like nails on a blackboard. I mean, her accent."

"I think it's sexy," Oliver said, sauntering over.

"You would," Chloe said dryly. "Then again, all you ever think about is sex."

"You didn't seem to mind when we were dating."

"Ancient history, Queen. And there is more to life than hopping in and out of bed."

Lana quickly changed the subject before the two blondes could trade further barbs.

"So, Clark, what have you got Lois for her birthday?"

"Uh, I haven't yet."

"Ugh," Lana said, rolling her eyes. "Don't tell me this is another famous Clark Kent last-minute type of gift? You know, like the one you gave me for my fifteenth birthday."

Chloe chuckled. "Oh, that's right. Didn't you tell Lana you would be her escort to the party to hold off the hordes of adoring fans?"

"I shouldn't have told you about that," Clark glared at Chloe.

"That was at Lex's too, if I remember correctly," Lana said.

"That's because Nell arranged it."

"I always knew it was more her party than mine."

"Yeah, didn't I catch you trying to hide on the balcony?" Lex chuckled as he came in.

Lana rolled her eyes. "Don't remind me."

Oliver looked at Clark. "So what was this last-minute gift you gave Lana?"

"It wasn't last minute, thank you very much. It took quite a bit of planning, actually."

"And that's because you had me to help you," Lex pointed out.

Clark ignored him and turned to Oliver. "Lana told me how one of her last happy memories was being with her parents at the drive-in. So I borrowed a projector and gave her her own personal drive-in movie."

"Wow, you sure go all out for them, don't you?" Oliver grinned.

"Show off," Chloe muttered with a glare at Clark.

"Gee, really feelin' the love in this room."

"Well, you have to admit, Clark, you did have a habit of going overboard. I would have been happy with a nice necklace or something."

"That's because he wears his heart on his sleeve," Lex said. He grinned at his friend. "You always have, farmboy."

"And on that note," Clark sighed, "I'm out of here. I've gotta get to class and then I have to find a gift. See you later."

Chloe chuckled. She called after him. "Hey Clark, try not to rescue any kittens in trees on the way."

"Cute, Chloe," he called back.

Chloe turned to her friends. "So, yeah, are we all set for the surprise ..."

"Surprise what?" Lois was coming down the stairs.

Chloe coloured. Damn, she'd almost been caught.

"Uh, just a surprise for Clark," she said.

"And what was that about Clark rescuing kittens?" Lois said.

Oliver grabbed Lex's arm and looked at his wristwatch. "Oh, hey, look at the time. Gotta run."

"Yeah, me too," Lex said.

Thanks guys, Chloe thought. Thanks a lot. She turned to her cousin.

"Oh, you know Clark. He's all about the love for the animals."

Lois frowned, cocking an eyebrow. Then she shrugged.

"Oh well, as long as it's not anything, well, you know ..."

"No, we don't," Lana said. "I could use some help here, Lois. We still have to clean the place before the lunch crowd."

"Yeah, okay. Hey, Chloe, speaking of rescuing kittens, have you heard about this Blur character around Metropolis?"

"Blur? What Blur?" Chloe looked at Lana, who just sighed and went back to her cleaning. They both knew that Lois would get to the cleaning when she felt like it.

"There's this guy who goes around helping people. But no one's ever seen his face. He's like there one minute, gone the next."

"What's your point?"

"Well, don't you think it would make a great story if I could just get an interview with the guy?"

"Lois Lane and journalism? Dear god, did it suddenly get very cold in here?" Chloe shuddered. Last time Lois had tried journalism, she'd said she'd take it up as a career when hell froze over.

"Very funny. You know, I didn't do too bad when I wrote that story for the school paper."

"And that was how many years ago? Besides you complained every second you weren't on the phone trying to get back into Met U. And you couldn't spell to save your life."

"Okay, okay," she said, holding her hands up in defeat. "But still, don't you think if I could get an interview with the Blur it would make an amazing story?"

Been there, done that, Chloe thought. Only that had been Green Arrow. Of course, at the time, she hadn't known that the Green Arrow she'd been chasing had turned out to be none other than Oliver. Who had really been in Metropolis tracking down some leads into a project called 33.1 which Lionel Luthor had started. Oliver had, of course, thought Lex was behind it. But after Chloe had learned the truth and done her own digging, she had convinced him to take his evidence to Lex and they had begun working together to help the meta-humans. But it had ultimately broken up their relationship when Oliver and Lex had decided to go chasing some other leads on meta-humans.

Oliver and Lex had a chequered history, to say the least. Both students at Excelsior Academy, they had constantly been at each other's throats. OIiver hadn't exactly been a good guy then and he had seen Lex as weaker. But Lex had learned self-defence from an ex-Navy seal who had worked for his father. Just like in one of his favourite classic novels, The Three Musketeers, Lex had been all prepared to fight it out with Ollie, until another school bully had tried to get in the middle of it with the rest of his gang.

Lex and Oliver had joined forces and developed a grudging respect for each other. But their friendship hadn't grown until they'd worked together to uncover the truth behind the 33.1 project. Lionel had once again been sent to prison, even after a technicality had forced the courts to overturn his conviction for the murders of his parents.

But I'm digressing, Chloe thought. Lois was looking at her expectantly.

"I guess it would make a good story," Chloe told her. "But I'm up to my ears in work and I don't have time to ..."

"Well, I wasn't suggesting you do it," Lois said. "I'm going to chase this one myself."

With that she turned on her heel, hair bouncing, and went to get her apron to start work.

Hours later, Chloe arrived at the Luthor mansion to begin setting up for the party. Lex came to greet her.

"You know, you really don't have to do all this. That's what I have servants for."

Chloe smiled at him. She'd known him since the day he'd walked in to the school newspaper office to check out her Wall of Weird.

"I know, Lex. But I wanted to do this myself."

"Well, if you need any help, you know where I'll be."

"Workaholic," she muttered.

"Sorry?" he said, turning to her.

"You're always working lately." It was true. Every time she'd tried to talk to him about planning for the party, he'd always begged off saying he had a lot of work to do. Between that and Victoria, she hadn't seen much of him lately. "Is everything okay? Is there anything you want to talk about?"

"It's fine," he said, turning his head in a classic Luthor avoidance look.

"Lex, I know you. I know when things are not fine. Now are you going to tell me or do I have to torture it out of you?" She advanced on him, hands raised.

"Okay, fine. It's Victoria. You know, I kind of forgot why I stopped seeing her in the first place."

"And now?"

"Oh god, kill me now. She is driving me insane. It's always Lex, do this. Lex buy me that."

"That demanding?"

"And her accent ... Look, normally I don't mind a British accent but she ... " He huffed noisily.

"So why don't you split up with her if it's that bad?"

"I tried. Believe me, I tried! But she's like ... ugh, she's like a harpy."

"What's a harpy?" Chloe asked.

"They're a creature in Greek mythology which ..." He got a good look at Chloe's face. "Ah, never mind. Anyway, she just won't let go."

Chloe chuckled. "Lex, you're a coward."

"Am not."

"Are too." She punched his shoulder. "Suck it up, Luthor. Are you a man or a mouse?"

Lex sighed. "Right now, I guess I'm a mouse. Anyway, that's why I've been working so much. So I can avoid her."

"I tell you what, Lex, I've been seeing this guy but I really want to break up with him. So how about we meet at the Talon later. I'll bring my guy, you bring Victoria and we break up with them together."

"Chloe, you're a genius. Have I ever told you I love you?"

She pushed on his shoulder. "Yeah, yeah. You always say that. One day I might actually think you mean it. Now either go do some work or make yourself useful here. I could use someone tall to help put up the decorations."

Lex's face fell when he saw the boxes of decorations. "I think I'll give it a miss, if it's all the same to you."

"Wuss," she said as he turned his back and began walking away.

Everyone else was either working or studying when Lex met Chloe at the Talon. She was drinking coffee with her current, soon to be ex-flame. As he watched, her friend finished his coffee, gave her a hug and walked out. Lex raised an eyebrow at her.

As easy as that? he thought. He took a deep breath, seeing Victoria come in. I can do this.

"Hey, Vic," he said.

"Lex. What's up? I thought we were meeting at the party tonight?"

Lex sucked in a breath, glancing over to the corner where Lois stood, chatting up a customer. Looked like she hadn't heard.

"Yeah, thanks Vic. Tell the whole world while you're at it."

"Sorry," she said with a shrug.

He scratched at the back of his neck. "Uh, Vic, look, I, uh." Suck it up, Luthor. "Iwannabreakup," he said, getting it out in a rush so that the words just joined together.

"You want to what?"

"Break up," he said, slower this time.

Victoria just rolled her eyes. "You keep saying that, Lex, but I don't think you mean it."

"Yes, I do."

"No, you don't."

"Yes, I do." God, when did he regress into a five year old.

"Look me in the eye and tell me you don't want to see me anymore."

"I don't want to see you anymore," he said seriously, looking straight into her brown eyes. She just smiled.

"Now, see, was that so hard?"

"You mean, you're not mad?"

"Why would I be mad? Because I know you Lex Luthor. You'll be happy for a while, then you'll miss me and then you'll be back on my doorstep begging me to go out with you again."

"No, I won't."

"Yes you will."

"No, I won't." Lex sighed. Oh god!

"But you know what, Lex? Even when you do show up at my door, I won't take you back. No matter how cute you are or how much you use the puppy dog look that I know you copied off your friend Clark. So make up your mind now Lex. You either want me or you don't."

"I don't."

She shrugged. "Okay." She got up and went to the door. Then she turned and wagged her finger at him. "But you'll be sorry," she said in a singsong voice.

Lex sat there, stunned. It took him a few minutes for his brain to reboot. Then he smiled. He was free!

He was still smiling an hour and a half later at the mansion. The surprise had gone off rather well, if he did say so himself. He had had one of his servants call the Talon asking for Lois to deliver some muffins. She had walked in, calling out and they had jumped out at her, yelling Surprise. She was so surprised she dropped the muffins. It wasn't much of a loss, really.

Now Lois was opening up her gifts, enjoying the attention. She loved the scarf Chloe had given her, and the gift certificate Lana had given her.

She grinned when she saw it. "It's like having two birthdays," she said. "First the gift, then the shopping," she added gleefully.

Lana just groaned quietly to herself.

Lois unwrapped the next gift. "I'm guessing this is Lex's gift," she said, holding up the book on Greek mythology. Lex just shrugged, his expression seeming to say 'I cannot tell a lie'.

Before Lois could unwrap the next gift, Clark came back in the room. He'd been out taking a phone call.

"Uh, sorry, guys, I'm going to have to cut this short."

"Why?" Lois looked at him. "What's up?"

"That was my mom's assistant. My mom, uh, was in an accident. I have to go to Washington. My flight leaves ..." he glanced at his watch, "uh, in an hour."

The gang looked at him. This didn't look like the usual Blur problem. But he was clearly worried. Chloe pulled him aside.

"Is it really your Mom?" she asked.

He nodded. "I'm sorry to spoil the party," he said, looking at Lois.

She got up and hugged him. "No, go. Your mom needs you."

Clark walked out. Lois stood there, watching him go for a moment, then turned back to the party. She still had more gifts to unwrap. She quickly ripped the paper off Oliver's gift. A watch. A very expensive watch by the look of it.

Lex glared at him. "Hey, that wasn't what we agreed on!"

Oliver shrugged. "Sue me."

"Show off," Chloe muttered.

"Ah you love me, Sullivan," he said, pulling her into a hug and trying to kiss her.

"Get off," she said, shoving him away.

Lois was busy opening the last gift. Which had been Clark's. It was a small, velvet box. She pulled out the pendant.

"Oh my god."

"That's beautiful, Lois," Lana said warmly.

"I can't believe he remembered."

Chloe frowned at her cousin. "Remembered what?"

"We were in Metropolis one weekend and we passed this jewellery store. That's where I saw this. I told him it reminded me of one my mother had. You know, before she died. My Dad sold it, I think."

"Wow!"

"Hey, that's just like what he did for Lana," Oliver pointed out. "You know, the drive-in movie."

Lois looked at him. "What?"

"Nice goin' Ollie," Chloe muttered under her breath. But the cat was out of the bag and she had to tell Lois the whole story.

"Why would he do something like that?" Lois looked puzzled. She looked at Lana. "Is that when he still had that crush on you?"

"Yeah," Lana nodded. "Why?"

Lois looked at the four friends. "Is he in love with me?"

"Uh, well, Lois," Lex began.

"Don't pussyfoot, Luthor. Is he or not?"

"Yes," Lex said simply.

"Oh my god," she said.


	6. The One With Clark's New Girlfriend

**Episode Six: The One With Clark's New Girlfriend**

Chloe sat down next to Lex.

"So why is Clark flying back? On an airplane, I mean?"

Lex shrugged. "No idea. He was kind of evasive over the phone."

Lois rushed by, trying to clean as quickly as possible. Chloe looked at her cousin.

"Lois, what are you doing?"

"Clark will be here in three hours. I need to get all my work done before he gets back."

"Uh, why?" Chloe was puzzled, since Lois hardly did any work in the place anyway. Lois stopped, the cleaning rag dripping water on the floor.

"Well, ever since my birthday party I've been thinking about Clark, and the thing is, I kind of think I might have feelings for him too. And ... I don't know, I guess I wanted to test it. So I wanted to meet him at the airport."

"That's nice of you Lois," Lex said, with a little grin at Chloe. "I'm sure Clark would appreciate it."

Lois completely missed the hint of sarcasm. For the last week, Lois had been going back and forth in a 'should she, shouldn't she' mode on whether she should explore feelings she never knew she had for Clark.

Lana glared at her. "Lois, get with the program."

"Huh?" Lois stared at her. Lana looked at the rag. "Oh. Sorry," she said sheepishly. She turned and went back to the cleaning, and doing a haphazard job by the look of it. Lex just smiled at Lana.

"You hired her," he said. "I'm the silent partner, remember?"

Lana rolled her eyes. "Oh sure, rub it in. I swear, ever since the party she's been on another planet."

Chloe grinned. "Like Krypton, maybe?"

"Funny, Sullivan," Lex said.

"I thought so," she returned. Lex smiled fondly. Lana looked from one to the other and pursed her lips.

Turning away from her friends, she practically stomped back to the counter in time to see Oliver come in.

"Hey, what is it?" he asked, seeing her expression.

"Between Lois and Clark and their dramas, and now Chloe and Lex ..."

"Chloe and Lex what?"

"Don't you see the looks between them? I swear Oliver, if there's nothing going on between them, there soon will be. And you know what happens when two of your best friends get together?"

"What?"

"Everyone else is out in the cold."

Oliver looked over to where Chloe and Lex were talking quietly.

"They wouldn't do that, would they?"

"I've seen it happen before," Lana told him. "Actually, I've kind of done it before. The first time Clark and I got together." She made an odd sort of grimace. "Chloe got really uptight about it, actually. She thought I was stealing Clark from her and it sort of broke up our friendship for a while."

"But it's not like you and Lex ..."

"But you and Chloe," she said.

Oliver shook his head. "Nah, we flirt and fool around but we both knew it was a dead end. I mean, I love Chloe. She's a great girl, and in another lifetime ... besides, she's way too smart for me."

He suddenly looked depressed and Lana felt sympathy for him.

"You're a smart guy, Ollie," Lana said, putting a hand on his.

"Yeah, but we're talking genius IQ where Chloe's concerned and I can't compete with that."

Lana looked at him, finally realising why he behaved the way he did. He was an intelligent man, but people saw him as the billionaire playboy and never bothered to look beyond the surface. And in a lot of ways, he envied his friends, who all had a varying range of skills and abilities. There was Clark, with his alien powers, Lex with his high intelligence and passion for science, and Chloe with her insatiable curiosity, not to mention her hacking abilities. Lana understood more than most why Oliver was sometimes jealous of his friends.

"Well, hey," she said, changing the subject in the hope of distracting him. "You know, Clark's coming back today. In fact, Lois just left. She's gone to the airport to pick him up."

"Why's he flying in?" Oliver asked. "I mean, couldn't he just ..." He waved his hand in a gesture. Clark's own ability to fly fairly new, but Oliver clearly expected he would have used it.

Lana shrugged. "I don't know."

"How's Martha?" Oliver asked.

"Clark said she's fine. She has a broken ankle, but it's not too bad."

"What exactly happened anyway?"

"Some guy tried to mug her while she was out shopping."

"Isn't she supposed to have a bodyguard or something?" Oliver frowned.

"Yeah, but you know Mrs K. Anyway, she was getting into a cab when the guy tried to steal her bag and she slipped on some ice on the road."

"Ouch."

Three hours later, they were still at the Talon, waiting for Clark. Lois came dashing in.

"Airport, airport. Clark, Cat, not alone ..." she panted.

Lex raised an eyebrow at her. "Lose some verbs in your hundred yard dash?"

Lois glared at him. "How could you tell me ... you told me he ..." She turned at the sound of the door opening. "He's here, look it's Clark, he's here, and he brought company," she said over brightly.

Clark walked in, his arm around a very pretty, blonde woman. The others all stared at this new visitor, who was smiling happily.

"Hey guys. I want you to meet Cat Grant. Cat, this is everybody."

Lana raised an eyebrow at the blonde, who looked a couple of years older than Clark.

"Cat?"

"Short for Catherine," Lois said, a huge grin on her face that was so obviously fake. "Isn't she great? And so funny! Go on, tell them that joke you told me in the car," she told Cat.

"Oh well, Lois, I ... there was this guy ..."

"And he said, I hope you've got Blue Cross." Then Lois' face fell. "I totally ruined the punchline, didn't I?"

Everyone was looking at her as if she was drunk. She was looking extremely giddy.

"Uh, so anyway, Cat went to Met U. She's going to be working at the Daily Planet. Society column."

"That's great, isn't that great?" Lois said.

Chloe got up and put an arm around her cousin. "Lie down, before you hurt yourself," she whispered.

The conversation waned and shortly after, Clark decided to take Cat back to the farm. He might rent an apartment with friends in the city during the week, but he still liked to spend his weekends at the farm.

Lois turned and looked at the four friends.

"You told me," she accused Lex. "You said he ... and now I ... how could you ..."

Lex sighed. "Lois, I'm sorry. I mean I might have said something to him about moving on, finding someone else and stop living in a fantasy world, but I didn't know he'd do this. I honestly had no idea he'd met that someone."

"I'm so humiliated," she sighed.

Chloe rubbed her back soothingly. "It's okay, Lois. We understand."

Lois looked at her cousin, her eyes hurt. "No, you don't."

The next week was a nightmare for Lois. It seemed like Clark and Cat were joined at the hip. She threw herself into her new found passion for investigating the Blur, ignoring her work at the Talon, and generally annoying Lana with her lack of motivation for the job.

Lana finally turned to Lex.

"She's never here," she complained. "I don't know why I hired her in the first place."

"I do," Lex said quietly. "Because you wanted to help. You have a good heart, Lana, but it's not good for business."

"I do okay," Lana protested.

"Let's face it, you're not exactly raking in the millions."

"We can't all be cold and ruthless like you, Lex," Lana sniffed.

"I'm not cold and ruthless. Okay, so I'm hard-headed, but I'm not Lionel."

Chloe, meanwhile, came in on the tail end of the conversation. "Huh, you know, Luthor, you're a fine one to talk about being too good-hearted."

"I don't know what you mean," he told her.

"Don't you?" Chloe looked around her. "This place is hardly a cash cow. I mean, yeah, it makes a little profit, but you were going to turn it into a parking garage. Yet, you saved it because Lana wanted it."

"Hey, that's right," Lana said. "And wasn't it you who said something about it being better business to turn old store fronts into parking garages. And if I recall, you didn't take much convincing to change your mind."

Lex looked as if he had been caught out.

"Okay, okay," he said, raising his hands in mock surrender. "You got me."

"Huh, so Lex Luthor has a heart after all," Chloe said. "Who'd have thunk?"

"Watch it Sullivan," he retorted.

"Oh I'm watching," she said with a smile, looking him up and down. She could almost swear Lex was blushing.

Lois came in, sighing.

"What's wrong, Lois?" Chloe asked, turning to her cousin.

"That ... argh! I can't stand her."

"Who? Cat? She seems nice enough," Lex said. "And Clark seems happy."

"She's got a three year old son. I mean, come on, she's a single mom. Clark's not ready to be a parent."

"They're just dating, Lois," Chloe said. "It's not like they're serious."

Lois growled. "Yeah, well you don't see them, sucking face. It's like ... I hate her."

"Jealous much?" Lana muttered. Lois just glared at her.

Clark came in, talking on the phone.

"No, you hang up. No, you." He was chuckling. Lois sighed and rolled her eyes. "No, you hang up," he continued. There was a pause. "Well, you didn't hang up either."

Lois tittered. "She didn't hang up either," she said with a fake laugh. Clark looked at her but said nothing, turning away from her. He didn't catch the look of pure venom on Lois' face as he resumed his conversation with Cat. She huffed and walked up the stairs to the apartment.

Clark hung up the phone and looked at his friends.

"What?"

"What's the deal, Kent?" Lex said. "You go to Washington for a week and come back with a girl you barely know. How did you go from mooning over Lois to Cat Grant?" He rolled his eyes at the ridiculous name.

"Well," Clark shrugged. "It's like you said. It was never going to happen with Lois so I decided to move on." He looked from one friend to the other. "And you guys like Cat, don't you?"

Lex nodded, hoping to placate his friend. "Yeah. Of course we like her. We're happy for you. Honestly."

"Great," Clark beamed. "Well, I gotta go. I've got a date."

"Actually me too," Chloe said, hopping off the stool she'd been sitting on.

Next morning, Lois came in the main door of the Talon, looking a little worse for wear. Clark was sitting with Cat and Chloe and Lex were lounging on the other sofa. Lana was busy serving a customer wanting their Sunday morning coffee.

"'Morning," Lois mumbled.

"Where did you get to last night?" Chloe asked her cousin. "You weren't home when I got there."

"Uh, yeah, I kind of ..." she glanced at Clark, but he seemed to be in a world of his own, talking quietly with Cat. "I kind of did something stupid last night."

"What did you do?" Lex asked.

"I, uh, got drunk and I, um, sleptwithver," she said, covering her mouth.

"I'm sorry, what?" Chloe said. "It sounds like you slept with ..."

Her eyes widened as Oliver came in, also looking worse for wear. She blinked, looking from her cousin to her ex and back again. They both reddened, avoiding each other's gazes.

"Oh my god!" Chloe said.

It all came out in a rush. Lois had gone to the Ace of Clubs to drown her sorrows and had met Oliver there. Oliver had been on a date with a girl he had once slept with, but hadn't remembered. The girl was obviously looking for a second chance. But as soon as Oliver realised he'd slept with her already, he dumped her in favour of Lois. They'd both got completely drunk and somehow had ended up at his place.

But the night was a total disaster. Maybe if Oliver hadn't been off his face, it might have worked out better. But they'd both woken up that morning feeling very unsatisfied and knowing they'd made a huge mistake.

Lois put her head down on the counter and moaned.

"When did I do this? When did I become this sad, sad person wanting someone who isn't going to want me back. I mean, it's Clark you know? I always thought of him as this major geek. A guy I could be friends with, but now it's Claaaark."

Chloe rubbed her cousin's back. Oliver sat beside her.

"Hey, Lois, I ... look, I've been with a lot of women ..."

Lois raised her head and glared at him.

"Look, I'm not saying that under different circumstances we might have actually ... you know, but the thing is, I've never felt about anyone, well, except Chloe," which earned him a glare from the blonde, "the way Clark has always felt about you. And if you want my advice, you need to tell him how you feel."

"It's not that simple." She moaned again. "Oh god, how did I get like this? How did I become this pathetic loser who sleeps with a guy just to ... no offence Ollie, I'm sure you're great in bed, I mean, judging by your reputation, but that really was pathetic last night."

"I know," he said, reddening.

"It's just, well, just when I thought my life couldn't get any worse, this happens and, well, there's rock bottom, fifty feet of crap, and then there's me, Miss Pathetic Loser USA."

"You are not a pathetic loser," Chloe told her.

Clark sauntered over.

"Hey, Lois? Everything okay? You look a little upset."

Lois turned and looked at him, pasting on a bright smile that was false to everyone but him.

"I'm fine, Clark." She stood up. "Look, I, uh, just wanted to say ...I'm really happy for you. I mean that."

And she knew she'd just made a major cop-out. But she couldn't hurt Clark like that. No matter what, he was still her friend. And that was the hardest part.


	7. The One With The Blind Date

**Episode Seven – The One With The Blind Date**

Lois was steaming as she walked in to the Talon. Lex looked around from the sofa where he had been sitting talking to Chloe who was perched on a stool at the counter, her feet up on the arm of the sofa.

"I cannot stand that woman!"

Lex and Chloe just groaned. Lois was on the warpath again. Over Cat. Sighing, Lex turned to her.

"Lois, get over it."

"It's just ..."

"Lois, you've been going on about it for weeks. Clark and Cat are dating. We all felt it was a bit sudden, but it's not like you gave him any indication you reciprocated his feelings, now is it?"

"I know, but ..."

"Snooze you lose, Lois."

Lois glared at Lex. "Why are you friends with Mr Follicly Challenged again?" she said, turning to Chloe.

"Because he can get me into swanky dos and exclusive parties so I can get interviews with Metropolis' elite."

Lex looked sullen. "I knew it. You're only friends with me for my money."

Chloe put her feet down and got up, going over to the sofa. She leaned down putting her arm around Lex and squeezed. "Don't worry Lex. I do love you for more than your money."

"You do?" he asked looking hopefully up at her.

"I love your cars too," Chloe giggled. Lois just snorted, then sighed pathetically.

Chloe looked kindly at her cousin as she went back to her perch on the stool.

"Lo, maybe you need to get back out there. Date someone new."

Lois shrugged. "Yeah, maybe you're right." She perched on the stool next to her cousin. "Hey, maybe I should just ask the Blur out on a date."

Lex choked on his coffee. Chloe handed him a napkin and he wiped his mouth.

"I'm sorry. What?" he said.

"Well, you know, I've been chasing stories on this guy for weeks."

"And how exactly are you going to find him, Lois? Take out an ad in the Inquisitor?" Chloe asked her.

"You know, that's not a bad idea," Lois mused.

"I was kidding, Lois."

"Okay, fine," she said, her hands up in mock surrender. "I suppose I could always try again with Ollie."

"Have you forgotten the disaster that was last time?" Chloe reminded her.

"Yeah, but we were drunk."

"Lo, no offence, but the kind of crowd Oliver hangs out with, well, you'd stick out like a sore thumb."

"Hey, I can be classy," Lois protested.

"Until you open your mouth," Lex muttered. Chloe looked at him, grinning, clearly agreeing. But then she turned and saw Lois frowning at her and decided it was better left unsaid.

Lex decided he should try to make it up to Lois. After all, he was the one who had advised Clark to meet someone new, move on. Of course, he hadn't thought that Clark would move on so soon, especially since he hadn't known that Lois had found out about his feelings.

"Look, I know this guy at Luthorcorp."

"Oh great, a blind date," Lois said.

"Will you shut up a minute," he growled. "Jeremy happens to be a good guy. A great guy. And he's not a nerd, or a geek. And he makes good money."

"And you'd know this because ..."

"Ah, hello, I own the company? I know everyone's salaries."

Lois sighed. "Fine, fine, fine. Is the guy good looking?"

"Geez, Lo, shallow much?"

"I just meant ... I mean, you know, Clark is really good looking, I mean, now that he's not the plaid-wearing farmboy that I met. Although he wasn't actually wearing plaid when I met him. He wasn't wearing anything."

"You know, I was never that clear on how you did meet," Lex said.

"Clark never told you?"

"Not in so many words."

"Hmm, maybe he was embarrassed." She turned and looked at her cousin. "See, it was that summer you, ahem, died. I wanted to find out what had happened and I came looking for you in Smallville."

"I remember. You got lost in a cornfield, or something."

"No, my car nearly got hit by a lightning bolt and I swerved to avoid it, ending up in the cornfield. And there he was. Naked." Lois sighed, remembering the sight of Clark's well-toned body, not to mention 'Clark Junior'. "I mean, I've seen guys who are ... well, you know, hung, but Clark is ... uh ..."

"We get it," Lex said. "You don't need to draw us a diagram."

"And those muscles, huh. It's like ... wow, you know?"

"Not really," Chloe said. "I can't say I've ever had the pleasure."

"Didn't you once have a crush on him? I would have thought you would have at least tried ..."

"Ahem, ancient history, Lo."

"Oh, yeah. Sorry." She turned to Lex. "Okay, so this guy, Jeremy. Where does he work?"

"In the PR division. And given your late interest in journalism I thought he'd be good for a different perspective."

Lex had been right, for once. Not only was Jeremy a nice guy, he was funny and charming and sweet. But he wasn't Clark, and that was the problem. Lois went to dinner with him and learned that he was very recently divorced. They wound up talking about their respective 'others' most of the night.

Lois did get some great stories on PR and learned a few things about Lex she wished she hadn't. But at least she had some good blackmail material, she decided.

"No, seriously, Lex is a good boss. I mean, yeah, he's hard-headed. Some would say he's ruthless. But that's his old man. We all hated Lionel. He was a bastard to work for. At least Lex gives credit where credit's due."

"I guess he's all right. For a chrome dome."

"Chrome dome," Jeremy chuckled. "Yeah, good one."

Lois just picked up her glass of wine and knocked back the rest of the contents as if she was drinking from a shot glass. It wasn't that she didn't like Jeremy. Under different circumstances she might have considered dating him. But he just wasn't a certain former plaid-wearing farmboy turned future journalist. And it wasn't fair that Clark had come back from Washington with that ... that ...

Lois groaned.

"Are you all right?" Jeremy asked.

"I just don't get it," she said.

"Get what?"

"How Clark can go out with that ... god, I can't even say it. She's just so ... I mean, have you seen her? Why would he want that when he can have ..."

"I've never met the woman."

"Well, let me tell you, she's very unattractive. She's blonde and thin, and all teeth, I mean, when she smiles ... ugh. I mean, why would he prefer someone like that when he's got me. I mean, I'm attractive, don't you think?"

"You're very attractive," Jeremy answered, looking uncomfortable.

Lois nodded. "You know what? I should tell him. Give me your phone. I forgot mine. Did you bring your phone?"

With a sigh Jeremy handed it over. He clearly thought Lois needed to get over this. Or sober up, whichever came first.

Lois dialled, the numbers blurring in front of her.

"Listen up, Kent, I don't know why you're with Miss I'm So Full of Myself, so I'm gonna set you straight. You don't need her. You've got me. At least you could have had me. But ya know what, farmboy? You can forget it. I don't need you. I can have anyone I want. I can even have Oliver. Actually I did have Oliver." She giggled. "I slept with Oliver. Hee hee. Bet you didn't know I could, huh farmboy? And here I am, right now, sitting with this great guy ..." She turned. Jeremy was gone. She shrugged. Oh well. "And I am over you, Kent. I am so over you it's like you're ... you're Ancient Greece. Yep, that's what you are. So goodbye forever Smallville. Sayonara sweetheart."

When Lois woke up next morning, her mouth felt like sandpaper and she had a pounding migraine. She slowly descended the steps from the apartment and stared bleary-eyed at Lana, who was making a coffee. Then Lois turned and looked at Clark, who was standing chatting casually to Lana.

"'Morning, Lois," he said brightly.

"Angghhh," she returned. She sat down on the stool and leaned heavily against the counter.

"Hard night last night?" Clark enquired. "Well, Cat and I had a great time last night. We went to this play ..."

"I really don't want to hear about your love life, Smallville," Lois told him, taking the mug of black coffee Lana handed her.

She stole a glance at him. She could barely remember anything she'd done after that sixth glass of wine. Yet, she had this horrible feeling she had done something which might involve him.

Lana was speaking to Clark. "You left your phone here yesterday," she said. "Oh, and you've got a message on your voicemail."

Clark grinned. "Thanks Lana." He took the phone from her. Lois stared at it in horror. Oh no, she thought. She watched with trepidation as Clark started to dial his voicemail then turned away from her to listen to the message.

Oh no, no, no, she thought. I've gotta get it away from him. He can't hear his message.

"Hey, Lois, it's a message from you," he began, turning back to her. He was frowning.

Lois leapt up, running to latch onto his back, trying to get the phone away from him. But Clark had already heard enough. He pushed her off and turned to stare at her.

"You slept with Oliver?"

"Uh, Clark ..."

"You're over me? When were you ... under me?"

"Clark, I ... look, I ..." There was just no possible way to salvage this situation. And it didn't help that Lex had come in looking angry at her. Behind him was Oliver.

"Lois, what the hell did you do to Jeremy?"

"Oliver, you and Lois?" Clark accused.

"I didn't do anything to Jeremy," Lois insisted. "That I can remember. Oh crap! What did I do?"

At the same time, Clark was practically yelling at Oliver. "You slept with Lois? How could you? You knew how I felt about her!"

"Look, man, it was a mistake, okay? We were both drunk and I ... I'm sorry, man, I really am."

Chaos ensued. Clark and Oliver began arguing. Clark had a hurt look on his face. He'd always believed that friends didn't do that to friends. Lois and Lex were arguing over the shameful way Lois had treated Jeremy.

"Lex, I'm sorry, okay? I was drunk. I didn't mean to do that, I was just upset about Clark and I ..."

Chloe came in and pulled the ref card. "Whoa, time out, guys," she said, her hands up in a 'T'. "Neutral corners."

For a petite blonde, Chloe could be a forceful personality when she wanted to be. Each one of them stopped in the middle of the argument and backed off. Chloe glared at each of them in turn and they all seemed to shrink in shame.

"Arguing in the middle of the Talon," she tsked. "I could hear you half a mile away."

Chloe had clearly been out jogging as she was wearing a light jacket and loose pants.

"Well, she ..." Lex began, looking at Lois.

"Well, he ... " Clark said at the same time with a glare at Oliver.

Chloe rolled her eyes. "I feel like I need a referee's whistle," she commented. "So, I'm guessing Jeremy called you and told you how Lois got completely off her face and went on and on about Clark, then stole his phone and left some garbled message for Clark."

"How did you ..."

"Lois told me everything last night. In fact she went on and on about it. For two straight hours."

"Sorry," Lois mumbled.

"And I'm guessing you somehow told Clark in that message that you slept with Oliver. And I take it Clark has now heard that message."

"Yes," Clark said sullenly.

"Okay, first of all, Kent, you don't have the right to stand there and judge Oliver. You're going out with Cat. You should have told Lois how you felt in the first place, rather than let her find out the way she did, which was at her birthday party, with the gift you gave her. And just as she finds out, you hook up with someone else. How is that supposed to make her feel? And so what if she slept with Oliver. It was a mistake. One I don't think they intend to repeat." They both nodded at that. "So you can get off your high and mighty pedestal Kent."

"Wow!" was all Lex said.

"And don't you start, Luthor," Chloe glared at him. "You're the one who set up the blind date, when she clearly wasn't ready for it."

"What? I just ..." Lex shut up after another glare from the blonde.

Lana, meanwhile, had been standing at the counter, staring open-mouthed. She'd been in the store-room when the arguments had broken out but hadn't been able to get in the middle. And Chloe had always been the peacemaker of the group.

"Now each of you, apologise and shake hands and put it behind you."

Chloe's expression clearly said her word was final. They each did as they were told. Lex and Oliver went over to the counter to get their morning coffees, leaving Lois and Clark staring at each other.

"You ..." he began.

"And you," she said.

"You have feelings for me?" he asked.

"Well, yeah. I mean, I didn't know I did until I found out you had feelings for me."

Clark looked a little guilty. "Yeah, I guess I should have told you a long time ago. I just ... I didn't know how to ..."

"It's okay. I mean, maybe I wasn't ready to hear it anyway. I just ... when you came back from Washington with Cat, I ..."

"I guess it was a little sudden. I just didn't think I had any hope with you," he admitted.

Lois sighed. "So. Where do we go from here?"

"I don't know," Clark answered.


	8. The One Where Lois Knows

**Episode Eight: The One Where Lois Knows (Yes That Thing)**

Clark dragged his feet as he walked into the Talon.

"Hi," he said with a moan as he flopped down on the sofa.

"Geez, who died," Chloe said. Clark looked mournfully at her, but said nothing.

Lex just rolled his eyes. "Clark, you have to get over this. So you dumped Cat. She wasn't right for you anyway. Just ask Lois out already."

"I can't," Clark told his friends.

"Why the hell not?" Oliver said, as usual draped over the sofa with an arm around Chloe's shoulders. She was only permitting it because she was tired after a long day at work.

"Have you guys not seen the Inquisitor?"

"Please. That rag?"

"You wouldn't think so if you saw their front page," Clark told Chloe. "The Planet's been totally scooped. And it's my fault."

"Wait, wait, wait, how is it your fault?"

Clark shifted forward and pulled the paper out of his back pocket. The front page story was on a save he'd made that day. As the Blur. Written by none other than Lois Lane.

"So how does this stop you from asking her out?" Lex asked.

"Because she's now totally obsessed with unmasking the Blur."

"But ... you're the Blur," Oliver said.

"Yeah, thanks for clearing that up, Ollie," Lex told him sarcastically.

"It gets worse. Now Perry wants me to chase the Blur."

Lex stared. "Perry? As in Perry White? The guy drinks like a fish. Hell, even a fish drinks less than him."

"Not anymore. Apparently since he met me a few years ago, he's been stone cold sober."

"Hmm, what did you do to him?" Chloe mused. "Put the fear of God into him?"

"Or maybe he just looked at your face," Oliver smirked. Clark rolled his eyes at Ollie, then looked at Chloe.

"Don't you remember? It was when we had those solar flares."

Chloe frowned. Clark sighed. "Remember? My powers fizzling out? The flying tractor? Having to rescue Perry at Saunder's Gorge?"

"Oh. Right," Chloe said, finally remembering. Perry had come to Smallville to investigate stories of meteor freaks for a tv show called X-Styles. He had been a full-blown alcoholic then, having seen his career go down the toilet thanks to a certain former Luthorcorp CEO, who had blacklisted him from practically every media organisation in the country.

Perry had quickly learned there was something different about Clark and the Kents had had a job trying to divert Perry's attention away from Clark's abilities, which were fluctuating thanks to those pesky solar flares. Perry had done his level best to try to uncover the truth about Clark's abilities, setting up a fake rescue at the gorge. By then, Clark's powers had completely failed him and the fake rescue became a real one.

Clark didn't have a chance to say anymore as Lois breezed in.

"Guess what?" she said, with a smile that could light up the entire Lowell County.

"What Lois?" Chloe said.

"You're looking at the newest reporter for the Inquisitor. After the editor saw my story on the Blur, he offered me a full-time job."

"Congratulations," Chloe said. "Hope he knows you can't spell to save your life."

Lois waved her hand. "Oh, he doesn't care about that. Besides, that's what spell-checker's for. I swear you guys, when I was writing that article, I don't know, I don't think I've ever been happier in my life. The thrill of discovery, the clacking of keys, the smell of fresh ink. I think I've found my calling," she grinned.

Lex looked up, wide-eyed. "Wait? Do I hear the sound of impending doom?"

"Very funny Chrome Dome."

"Don't call me Chrome Dome," Lex snapped.

Clark dragged Lois away before she could start an argument. "Journalism? Lois you don't even have a college degree."

"The editor doesn't care about that."

"You do realise this puts you in direct competition with the Planet?"

"Aww, is the Planet afraid of a little competition?" She didn't look at all repentant.

"Lois ... you can't just ... what about us?"

Lois frowned at him. "What about us? Clark, you can't have it both ways. I mean, you can't have your cake and eat it too. Hey, wonder where that expression came from? A little weird don't you think? I mean, if you're going to have cake, wouldn't you want to eat it?"

Clark snapped his fingers in front of her face. "Lois, focus."

"Look," she sighed. "You're dating Cat."

"Not anymore," he said.

"Oh. Well, I ... Smallville, much as I'd love to explore this new dynamic, I really don't have time. I have to find out who this Blur is or I'll be back on the unemployment line quicker than you can say Jack Robinson. Huh." She frowned as yet another random thought occurred to her.

Lex, Chloe and Oliver were watching this with interest. Lois was acting odd. It was like her mind was all over the place. Lois just punched Clark in the shoulder and turned to flounce off, ponytail flying. He pretended to flinch, looking imploringly at his friends, who just waved at him to go after her.

"Well," Lex commented, "she is a Lane."

Chloe bristled. "And what is that supposed to mean, Luthor?"

"Ah, well, I ... um, nothing?" he said, feeling the weight of Chloe's stare.

Clark caught up with Lois outside the Talon.

"Lois, we weren't finished talking."

"No, you weren't finished talking. I've got work to do."

"You're obsessed with the Blur."

"So is every other reporter in town," she said.

"What is it about the Blur anyway? Why is it so important to know who he, or she, is?"

"Because people love a mystery. And anyway, don't you think it's a little odd that some guy goes around helping people without asking for anything in return?"

"It's the twenty-first century, Lois."

"Precisely my point. There's no such thing as a free ride. People these days do not believe in doing something for nothing. This guy wants something. I'm sure of it. And I'm going to find out what it is."

"But do you have to do it now?"

"Clark, if I want to earn my stripes, then I need to get the story."

"Lois, have dinner with me. Tonight."

"I can't, Smallville. I have to go talk to a source about the Blur."

"You just started at the Inquisitor. How many sources could you possibly have?"

"Please," Lois snickered. "Have you forgotten who raised me? Of course I have sources. Anyway, weren't you the one who said you didn't know where to go from here? I mean, which is it Clark?"

Frustrated, Clark just watched as she left. Dejected, he turned back to go back into the Talon.

"Well?" Lex said.

"No go. She's obsessed with unmasking the Blur."

"Well, I hate to belabour the obvious, Clark, but you set yourself up for that one. Maybe you need to tell her the truth."

Clark sighed heavily and sat down again. "I can't exactly unmask myself. Who knows what Lois would think of me?"

"Well, she'd probably hate you at first," Lana told him, finally able to participate in the conversation, after having to serve customers on her own again. "But you should see this as a good thing."

"What? That Lois will hate me? Really not seeing the glass half full here."

"No, not that. That Lois is out to unmask the Blur. I mean, she's the only one not in on the big secret. And you know, a relationship built on lies is one doomed to failure."

Lex looked at Lana with a put upon expression. "Hey, wasn't that my line once upon a time? You stole my line."

"Get over it, Luthor."

Clark was beginning to wonder if his friends were right after all as it started to become more difficult to get out from under Lois' radar. It was like the woman had eyes everywhere. Every time he made a save, there she was, trying to catch a glimpse of him. This really was not good at all, he decided.

Perry was getting even more suspicious, especially as more stories appeared in the Inquisitor.

"Well, it's not like I can write stories about myself, is it?" he told Lex and Oliver on one of their infrequent nights alone at either Oliver's penthouse apartment in the city, or the mansion. Ever since he'd known Oliver, or rather, since it had been legal for him to drink, Oliver and Lex had been trying experiments to see if they could get him drunk. Most of the time, they just both ended up falling down drunk while Clark was still stone cold sober.

"I keep telling you guys that alcohol doesn't affect me," he said after the fifth shot of Tequila.

"Shut up and drink, Boy Scout," Oliver told him.

"Yeah, shut up and drink," Lex glared, bleary-eyed. Well, he'd had more to drink than Oliver and his vocabulary, not to mention his perfect enunciation went out the window when he was drunk. He was mourning the loss of yet another relationship, having had to dump his latest woman of the moment.

"You know, I really wish Chloe ..." Lex said mournfully.

"Luthor, forget Chloe. We're talking about Boy Scout and his pathological need for self-flagellation."

"Huh?" Lex said. "You're just ... jel ... er, jelly ... uh, you just hate that she likes me more than you."

"Excuse me, I'm the one who dated her."

"Yeah, 'n we all know how that turned out," Lex said.

"Not for lack of trying," Oliver told him. "She loves me."

"Can we get back to the issue at hand?" Clark said.

Lex glared at him. "I hate you. You're such a freak. You can never get drunk. I hate you."

"Yeah, yeah, you say that every time you get drunk."

Meanwhile, Lois, Chloe and Lana were spending their Thursday night doing what women usually did when they were preparing for nights out. Or at least, Lana and Chloe were.

"So who's this guy you've been seeing?" Chloe asked Lana.

"You mean Dean? You know, he sort of reminds me of Jason. Remember him?"

"How could I forget," Chloe said dryly. "Cute assistant football coach turned psychotic killer."

"I always knew there was something weird about that guy," Lois commented. "So? Tell me more about Dean."

"Well, he lives in Lawrence, and he's a mechanic."

"A nice, safe profession. I guess," Lois said. "Is he, you know, good looking?"

"Is that the only reason you date guys, Lo? Because they're good looking?"

"Well ... does that make me kind of shallow?"

"But I bet none of them ever compare to Clark," Lana said, pronouncing his name in a breathy voice. Lois shoved the shorter brunette good-naturedly. Lana just grinned back at her, then went back to adding another coat of nail polish to her toenails.

"So where's Dean taking you?" Lois asked, trying to steer the subject away from Clark. Chloe was looking at her, and she felt a rush of heat in her cheeks. She always seemed to be blushing when she thought about Clark. That body, those hands, those lips ... She shook her head and looked again at Lana.

"Uh, we're going to the multi-plex."

"I forget. How did you meet this guy again?" Chloe asked.

"My car broke down on the way back from shopping in Metropolis and he was passing by, so he offered to take a look at it." Lana smiled at the memory. "We got to talking while he was fixing it. He followed me here."

Chloe gave her a look and Lana rolled her eyes. "To make sure my car was going to make it back here," she said. "I invited him in for a coffee and he got interested in some of my art work."

Lois chuckled. "You mean, you asked him if he'd like to see your etchings," she said with a giggle.

"Very funny, Lois. Ha ha. Can I just say how glad I am that you're not working for me anymore? I don't think the coffee shop could take another bill for dishes broken while you're flirting with customers."

"I don't flirt," Lois sniffed. "Chloe, do I flirt?"

"Are you kidding, Lois? You've always been a flirt. Or did you think all that pseudo arguing you and Clark used to do the first year you came to Smallville was just fighting."

Lois remembered. She'd always been able to push his buttons and Clark had pretended to be annoyed. But she bet he secretly loved it. Come to think of it, she thought, so did I. Oh my god, I am such a head case.

A few days later, Lois was out on the beat, chasing yet another story. For once, it wasn't about the Blur. She had heard that the city DA had been seen talking to one of the local thugs from Intergang. She had been following leads and was now, hopefully, going to catch the DA out.

Too late, she realised she had been set up when she saw not only the DA but the Intergang thug, heading toward her.

"Hey, wait, can we talk this over?" she said as the thug grabbed her.

"Shouldn't have got so nosy Ms Lane," Sacks told her.

Struggling, Lois realised she was about to be thrown off the roof of a tall skyscraper. Ironic really that it happened to be the Daily Planet. Lois wasn't normally a screamer, but this time, she figured she'd make the exception. After all, she was thirty storeys above the city and about to fall to her doom.

"Help!" she screamed, not really expecting help to arrive. She squeezed her eyes shut, not wanting to see the ground rushing up to meet her.

It was the sudden stop to her fall that made her open her eyes and look up. She was in the arms of someone. Someone very familiar.

"Oh my god!" she gasped.

Lois looked down at the ground as they slowly descended, then back up at Clark's face.

"I guess I shouldn't call you Smallville anymore."

Clark landed with barely a jolt and looked at her with trepidation as she pushed herself away from him. "Ah, Lois."

"You're the Blur?" she said.

"Lois, we, ah ..." He pulled her back into his arms and sped off with her to the apartment over the Talon. Lois felt dizzy as he put her down.

"Spill, Kent. How did you ... were you infected?"

"No," he said. "I was born this way."

"What do you mean you were born this way?"

"I'm not from around here."

She frowned, still not quite getting it. Then again, she'd just about had her life flash before her eyes. And it was a short movie.

"What?"

"I'm an alien, although I kind of prefer intergalactic traveller."

Lois stared at him, open-mouthed. Then she started to laugh.

"That is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard," she said.

"It's the truth," he said.

Clark began telling her everything. About Krypton, the planet exploding, his ship being sent to Earth, being found and raised by the Kents, his growing powers, and finally, becoming the Blur.

"This isn't a joke, is it? I mean, there's no Ashton Kutcher who's suddenly going to pop up and say I've been Punk'd is there?"

"No," Clark said, shaking his head.

Lois bit her lip, then huffed. "I can't believe you, Smallville. You've been lying to me this whole time. Am I the last to know? Does everyone else know?" She shoved him, then began pummelling his chest with her fists. It was like hitting steel but she didn't care. She ranted and raved at him. He'd just saved her life, but she was upset. She was hurt. No, she was more than hurt. She was angry.

"Lois, calm down."

"Don't tell me to calm down, Smallville. You just told me you're ... and you ... I hate you." She pushed him out the door. "Get out, Smallville. Just go."

It was a while before she could calm down enough to even think about the situation. But she was still mad. She cared about him. Even believed she might be falling for him. But this ...

She stood in the shower for an hour, letting her thoughts flow as the water cascaded over her. Chloe wasn't home from work and she took the time to dry her hair, turning on the radio so she didn't have to be alone with her thoughts. Somehow it ended up on a request show.

"Here's a request from Smallville to LL. He just wants you to know that he's sorry for what happened and hopes you can forgive him."

_**See the stone set in your eyes  
>See the thorn twist in your side<br>I wait for you**_

_**Sleight of hand and twist of hate  
>On a bed of nails she makes me wait<br>And I wait without you**_

_**With or without you  
>With or without you<strong>_

_**Through the storm we reach the shore  
>You give it all but I want more<br>And I'm waiting for you**_

_**With or without you  
>With or without you uh-huh<br>I can't live with or without you**_


	9. The One Where Lois and Clark You Know

**Episode Nine: The One Where Lois and Clark ... You Know**

Lex was playing pool on his pool table. By himself. It was something he usually did when he wanted to relax and he'd had a hard day at the office. He was busy lining up a shot when Oliver came in. He missed the shot. The cue ball bounced and ended up on the floor.

"Great!" Lex huffed.

"Hey Luthor."

"What do you want?"

Oliver pouted. "Hey now is that any way to treat a friend?"

"Friend would be debatable."

Oliver canted his head and looked at Lex. "What did I do?"

"How about underbid me on an important contract?" Lex glared at him. Oliver looked puzzled. "The Kruger contract? The one I was working on with Lois' father?"

Oliver looked shocked. "Oh, hey, Lex, I didn't know that was the big deal you were working on. I swear." He raised his hands in surrender. "I wouldn't have bid on it if I'd known."

"Yeah, sure you wouldn't. Aren't you the one who's always saying competition is healthy?"

"No, you're always saying that. You also say keep your friends close and your enemies closer. Which one am I?"

Lex stared at him. Then he sighed.

"Oh, hell, Ollie, I didn't mean ... I just ..."

"Is this about Chloe? Because you know she and I are just friends now. We just fool around. You know that."

"No, it's not about Chloe."

"When are you going to make a move anyway? It's pretty obvious how you feel about her."

"Yeah, but look at Lois and Clark. She finds out his secret and boom ... that's it. No retrial, no appeal."

"It's not like you have any secrets from Chloe."

"No," Lex sighed. He went over to the bar and poured himself a glass of scotch, looking at Oliver, who nodded. Then he poured another one.

"So why the bad mood?" Oliver asked.

"I heard from Lionel. He's appealing his conviction."

"The evidence is pretty solid, Lex. C'mon, we got that evidence ourselves."

"Yeah, but Lionel knows how to manipulate the system."

Oliver shrugged. "If he gets out we'll deal. We're friends. And friends always take care of each other. Right?"

Lex suddenly felt easier. He smiled up at his friend. "Right."

Oliver held up his glass and clinked it with Lex's. "Salut," he said.

"Cheers."

"So, what are we going to do about Chloe," Oliver said.

Lex sighed. Oliver had to bring that up. Sometimes Lex felt like a teenager with nothing more than a crush. He'd always liked Chloe's feistiness. Even her biting sarcastic wit. She could banter with the best of them and come out the winner. In fact, Chloe was the only girl he knew of who could match him in that department.

Lana was sitting in the Talon's theatre, watching a movie. The coffee shop was closed for the night and she was relaxing in front of the big screen.

Clark came in and slumped down in the seat next to her. He had a flash of memory of a happier time when he and Lana had first started dating and they'd been sitting in this very same theatre with Pete.

"Hi," he sighed.

"Shh," Lana shushed him. "It's just getting to the good part."

Clark looked at the screen where penguins were dancing. "Happy Feet? Lana how many times have you seen this?"

"Shut up," she said.

"You know, people say that the theme isn't just about being accepted. There's some that think it's about ... you know, being gay."

"Trying to tell us something, Smallville?" Lois turned and looked over the back of her seat at Clark. Clark hadn't realised she was there. She must have been lounging on the seat in front.

"Could you two keep it down?" Chloe piped up. "Some of us want to enjoy the movie."

Lois grabbed a handful of popcorn and threw it at her cousin. Chloe ducked, then grabbed a handful of her own popcorn, throwing it back at Lois.

"Guys, come on, I'm going to have to clean that up later," Lana protested.

Chloe and Lois sighed. Clark added his own to the mix. He sat feeling uncomfortable. The seats in the theatre were the old-fashioned type and really not built for someone of his bulk.

Lois glared at him. "What? No kittens to rescue out of trees tonight?"

"The Blur's not allowed to take a night off?" he asked.

"You know, Penguins mate for life," Lana commented, leaving Lois and Clark to stare at her incredulously.

"Huh?" Lois raised an eyebrow at Lana.

"It's true. They stay with one mate for life."

"And this is relevant how? I mean, apart from the fact that we're watching this stupid movie."

"It's not a stupid movie," Lana told her. "It's kind of sweet. I mean, here's this Penguin who is different from the rest of his clan ... do they call them clans? Anyway, he finds his mate, but she decides she can't be with him because he's different and his family say he can't be with them because of that difference."

"Yeah, but he's still a Penguin," Lois argued. "Nowhere in the movie is the main character a ... I don't know, a, um, well, another kind of Penguin."

"They're Emperor Penguins," Clark told her. "Mumble is an Emperor Penguin."

Lois just glared at him. "Nowhere in the movie is Mumble a different type of penguin. Where he looks like the others, talks like the others, but he's not even their species."

"Oh, so we're talking about me now?" Clark said.

Lois shrugged. "If the beak fits, farmboy. Or maybe I should just call you spaceboy."

Tossing her popcorn aside, Lois stalked out of the theatre. Clark chased after her.

"Wait, Lois!"

Lois turned on him once they were down the stairs. "You just don't get it, Clark. It's not just that you're an alien. I mean, I get why you didn't tell me. You were trying to protect me. I mean, I'm not one of these people who say you should tell me all your secrets because if you wanted me to know you would have told me. I get that. I'm not a complete moron. The thing is ... the thing is, you didn't tell me you had feelings for me and when I finally did find out, you moved on. You can't just keep going back and forth over the same old stuff, Clark. You just can't. You either want me or you don't. But don't keep backpedalling and breaking my heart. You might be invulnerable, but I'm not."

Clark grabbed her arm, then realised his grip was a little too tight as she winced, then backed off.

"Lois, I know. I'm sorry. I just ..."

"I know you're sorry. But I can't do this anymore. Okay? I can't."

Clark reluctantly let her walk away. He heard steps behind him, then Chloe's voice making the sound of a plane in a nosedive before crashing to the ground.

"Crashed and burned on that one, huh?"

Clark sighed miserably. "I gotta go," he said.

Clark found himself walking in the direction of the Luthor mansion. Security waved him on through. As he made his way into the den, he heard the sound of singing. He rubbed his hand over his face. Oh no. It sounded like Lex and Oliver were drunk Again!

Lex stopped his warbling when Clark came in. He looked up and grinned. "Hey Clark, look Ollie it's Clark."

"Hey, Boy Scout, wassup?"

Clark groaned inwardly. He loved his friends, but they had a bad habit of getting drunk. And just when he was wanting to talk seriously to them. He found himself with an arm around his shoulder, but it seemed like it was less Lex supporting him, than Lex needing support. They sat on the sofa Lex had just vacated.

Clark grimaced at the empty bottle of whisky on the table in front of the sofa. Ollie was lounging in the armchair, a goofy grin on his face.

"Let me guess. Lois again, huh? Clark you gotta get over this. She's made her choice."

"You don't get it, Lex. I ... "

"We know, Boy Scout." Oliver leaned forward, obviously intending to pat him on the knee as if to comfort him, and missing it completely.

"So why are you guys ..." Clark left the question unasked. They knew immediately what he was referring to anyway.

"I lost a big contract today."

"And I got it," Oliver said smugly.

"And Lionel's appealing his conviction," Lex sighed.

"Yeah, I heard about that." It had been the biggest story of the day at the Daily Planet. Clark had graduated just a week earlier and he'd been called into Perry White's office to be partnered up with another reporter on the story. All on the basis of the fact that he knew Lionel well. And he knew the background to the story.

Perry had not long taken over as Editor-in-Chief after working freelance for the Planet for a number of years. Clark had, of course, met him a long time ago.

"So we decided to hell with the world. Let's get drunk," Ollie said.

"Assolutamente," Lex commented.

"Show off," Oliver muttered.

"So what's with Lois?"

"She's never going to forgive me," Clark sighed.

"You know what I think you should do," Lex said. "I think you should go up to her and say 'Lois, I might be an ex, uh, ex ... alien, but I'm still me and if you don't like that then lump it.'"

"Whoa, Luthor, he wants to date the girl, not scare her off completely. No, Boy Scout, what you gotta do is not be so much of a Boy Scout. Girls like guys who, you know, show them who's boss."

"You want her to shove Kryptonite down his pants?" Lex glared at Ollie. He turned back to Clark. "Trust me, go to her, tell her how you feel and make her listen. She'll learn to accept who you are. We did."

"Sorry, Lex, but you used to give me the same advice about Lana."

"And did you ever listen? Nooo." Lex shook his head to emphasise it.

All three men sighed.

Clark was still no closer to figuring out what to do a couple of days later when he joined his friends in the Talon. Lana had brought out her old photo albums and she was reminiscing with Chloe. They were looking through photos from their Freshman year at Smallville High.

"Ooh, remember that, Chloe?" Lana said. "You looked so beautiful in that dress."

"Oh yeah, the Spring Formal. Clark, you remember this. You took me."

"And that was when Whitney decided to join the marines," Lana said wistfully. "Hey, that was the night of the twister, too, wasn't it?"

"It still feels like yesterday when Clark deserted that nervous freshman on the dance floor."

Clark looked uncomfortable. He avoided Lois' gaze as he shrugged. "Well, I ... you know," he said, blushing.

Lex took the album. "Wow, Chloe, I never saw these. Lana's right. You looked beautiful."

Instead of the snappy comeback he usually got from Chloe, Lex was surprised to see that she blushed. Maybe there was hope for them after all, he decided.

"Hey, there's Whitney," Lana said, looking at a photo of the blonde senior in his football uniform. "That must have been the Homecoming Game."

"Yeah," Lex said. "That was the night he strung Clark up in the field as the scarecrow."

Lois looked at Clark, startled. "I never knew that. How come you never told me that?"

"Why would he?" Chloe said. She looked at Clark. "I never got that. Why did Whitney choose you as the scarecrow."

"Because he was jealous," Lana told her. "Whitney finally confessed to me that he saw Clark and I walking together when Clark was walking me home from the cemetery. And he thought there was something going on."

"Why were you in the cemetery?" Lois asked.

"I was talking to my parents. I used to do that a lot." Lana looked at Clark. "Hey, why were you? You never did tell me."

"I ... I don't really want to talk about this," Clark said.

"Why not?"

"I just don't."

"Wasn't that around the time you saved my life for the first time?" Lex asked.

Clark nodded reluctantly. But he still refused to say anything. Or look at Lois.

"I think I understand," Lex said. "You told me this once." Lois frowned at him and he continued. "I decided to give Clark a truck as a thank you present. He came home and found it sitting in the driveway and had an argument with his father."

"With Jonathan?"

Lex nodded seriously. "And that was the night Jonathan finally told him what he really was."

"Lex, please ..." Clark said. "Don't."

"You mean you didn't know?" Lois asked.

Clark just got up from the sofa and went over to the counter, fidgeting uncomfortably, kicking at the panelling underneath. Lois watched him for a second, then went back to staring at Lex.

"What do you mean he didn't know?" she said.

"Clark always knew he was different, but he didn't know how different until that night. He later told me that that was the moment he knew he would never fit in. Never be like anyone else."

Lois stared at the forlorn figure, standing at the counter. She realised something. The night Clark had told her everything he had put it all on the line. And she had practically slammed the door in his face. She got up from the sofa and went over to him, touching his arm. Clark looked down at her sadly. She touched his cheek, laying her hand flat against it, gently prodding him as she stood on tiptoe and kissed him. And kissed him. Until they were both breathless.

Lana beamed. Her little scheme had worked out great. She knew when she'd got the photo albums out that it would prompt something.

"See?" she said. "Like penguins."


	10. The One With The Thing About Money

**Episode Ten: The One With The Thing About Money**

Lex entered the Talon whistling cheerfully. He beamed at his friends who were all sprawling on the sofas. All except Ollie.

"Hey guys. Where's Ollie?"

"He got held up at work," Clark said, his arm around Lois' shoulder. They'd been hot and heavy for over a month and couldn't be happier. It was almost as if they were joined at the hip. But at least peace reigned between the six friends.

Lex flopped down next to Chloe. "That's good, actually. Since I needed to talk to you guys about Ollie's birthday. I was thinking we should all pitch in and go to Chez Jacques. Since it's Ollie's favourite restaurant."

Clark looked at his friend. "Chez Jacques? Isn't that ... like ... expensive?"

"Well, yeah." Lex shrugged.

Even Lois frowned. "Lex, even the cheapest bottle of wine is like a hundred bucks."

Lex snorted. "Yeah, sure." He wouldn't be caught dead drinking a hundred dollar bottle of wine.

"Lex, I hate to say this, but we can't go. I can't afford that place, not on my salary."

"I thought you were earning good money at the Daily Planet?" Clark had graduated a few weeks earlier and had started full-time at the Planet.

"I'm a first year, and only one level above copy boy, Lex. I earn barely enough to pay my share of the rent, as well as take Lois out to dinner."

Lex sniffed. "So you'll cook dinner a couple nights a week instead of going out. What's the big deal?"

"I already do cook a couple nights a week," Clark began hotly, and Lois finished it for him.

"Unlike some people, we don't spend all our time going to fancy restaurants and socialising at big society parties. Lex, you can't be seriously expecting us to pay for dinner there. Why don't we just have a surprise party here?"

"For once, I agree with Lois," Lana said, sitting on the arm of the sofa.

"That has to be a first," Chloe snorted. Lana slapped her blonde friend on the shoulder, rolling her eyes.

"The point is, we could cater a party here at the Talon. Like you did for Lois at the mansion."

"But catering is so much work," Lex whined.

Chloe glared at him. "Aww, did Lexy wear himself out lifting a finger to dial the telephone? Let me get out my little violin."

Lex glared back at her. "I just thought it would be easier for everyone."

"Easier, but more expensive," Clark told him.

"You're the one who never liked accepting my gifts," Lex returned, sounding hurt.

"Hmm, let's see, there was the truck, which I returned, the concert tickets, which I had to give to Pete so I could save the world ..."

"Or Smallville, at least," Chloe smirked.

"Look, Lex," Clark said. "You might take all your money for granted, but we don't. And I don't want to get in a fight here, but you and Ollie, even Chloe, you all earn more than we do and to be honest, you make it harder for the rest of us because we can't afford to do the things you want to do."

"I didn't know you felt that way."

"We understand, Lex," Lois said. "You've grown up having everything at your fingertips. You've never had to think about where your next meal is coming from. Well we do have to think about that."

"Wait a minute," Chloe said, "how did I get lumped in with the dastardly duo?"

"Because it's true, Chloe. You do earn more than us."

"Yeah, but out of all of us, I think I do know what it's like to not know where my next meal is coming from. Since my Dad got fired by Luthorcorp."

Lex winced. He'd had to fire Gabe Sullivan to protect Clark after, or so he'd discovered later, Clark had heard Chloe talking to Lionel on the phone. The conversation had somehow led to Lex and the real reason Lionel had let him work for him at Luthorcorp, back when Chloe and Clark were in the junior class at Smallville High. Lex had let what he'd known about the conversation slip and had had to pretend it was Gabe who had told him.

Once Lionel had been behind bars, Lex had made amends by helping Gabe get another job, but the pay had not been as good as what he'd had at Luthorcorp, since Lionel had blacklisted him, and prospective employers had been wary. Lex had offered compensation to Chloe's father, but Gabe was a proud man and he turned it down flat.

"I keep telling you I'm sorry about that," Lex told Chloe.

She patted his hand. "I know, Lex. I didn't mean to make you feel bad about that."

There was a moment when the two of them looked deep into each other's eyes. Clark and Lois looked at each other and grinned, then Clark winked at Lana. All three knew what the other two just couldn't acknowledge out loud. Not to each other, anyway.

The moment was lost when Lex turned away, sighing.

"Look, if it helps, I'll pay for the dinner."

"We're not charity cases," Lana told him.

"It's not charity. It's me wanting a good night out with my friends. What's wrong with that?"

Clark sighed. "What's wrong with it is you're doing it again."

"Doing what again?"

"You have a habit of going overboard with these big gestures, as if that'll make it all okay. It doesn't."

"What big gestures?" Lex asked, genuinely puzzled.

"Well, there's the aforementioned truck," Clark said.

"Buying this place and helping me turn it into a coffee shop instead of a parking garage."

"Lana's birthday party at the mansion, freshman year," Chloe said. "Oh, and let's not forget the huge bunch of flowers I got when I broke my arm. Made me feel like I'd won the Kentucky Derby."

"Well, it was my fault you got hurt. Those guys did break into the mansion and push you out the window."

"Yeah, well I would have been happy with just a single rose," she told him.

"What's the point of that?"

Lois shook her head. "Lex, I think the point they're trying to make is, just because you can, it doesn't mean you should."

"So, what, forget the dinner?"

"Let's have the party here," Lana said. "Besides," she added with a wink. "I know the caterer. We'll get a good deal."

"The caterer?" Lois asked with a cock-eyed grin.

"Yes. His name is Nat and yes, we are going out."

"What happened to Dean? The Jason doppelganger?"

"He decided he didn't want to get so serious so soon."

"Sounds like the guy's a commitment phobe," Lex said.

"Not something you have to worry about, Mr married twice," Chloe said, nudging him with a laugh.

"Can I help it if I like being married?" Lex said. He leered at Chloe. "How about it? Want to become number three?"

"In your dreams chucklehead," she retorted. But she was blushing all the same.

The conversation came to a quick end as Oliver came in. He'd arrived just in time to catch the end of the conversation and grinned at Chloe. "Not talking about me, are you?" he said.

Chloe looked derisively at him. "Ollie, if your ego got any bigger, you wouldn't fit through the door."

"Aww, I'm wounded!" he said, dramatically slapping his hand on his chest.

"Drama queen," Lana muttered.

"That's my name, don't wear it out."

Everyone just groaned.

Lois was sitting up in bed when Clark came in, stripping off his Blur gear.

"Busy night?" she asked.

"A few muggings. Stopped an armed robbery." He got in the bed beside her.

"So the usual then?" she asked.

"Pretty much."

"Life in the big city," she said as she kissed him, pulling him into her arms.

A short while later, she lay in the circle of his arms, content as he stroked her soft skin.

"Do you, you know, ever think about fame and fortune?"

He shrugged. "I guess. Sometimes. But, I don't know, I kind of prefer being in the shadows. Helping others without them knowing who I am. Why?"

"I don't know, I was just thinking about Lex. I mean, we think his life has been easy since he was born with a silver spoon in his mouth, but we both know it's not that easy. I mean, ever since he was a kid he's had people try to hurt him because of who his father is or because he has money. Yet he takes it for granted."

"It's kind of like me being the Blur," Clark answered. "It's something that goes with the territory, I think. But you know I don't help people as the Blur because I want fame and fortune. Hell, if I did, I wouldn't be a reporter, now would I?"

Lois chuckled. "Ain't that the truth!" She sobered. "I feel sorry for Lex sometimes. He never really says anything, but ..."

"He's had it pretty rough," Clark finished.

"It's a good thing he has friends like us then, isn't it," Lois said, snuggling down into the bed. "Lord knows what would have happened without that."

Clark nuzzled her ear, kissing her lobe. "Sometimes I think I'm the lucky one to have a friend like him. He's helped me deal with so much about my powers. And to think I kept it secret from him for the first few years."

Lois yawned sleepily. "You know, we should get him and Chloe together. They're crazy about each other. You'd have to be an idiot not to see that."

"Not trying to matchmake are you, Lois?"

"Who me?" she said, yawning again, before drifting off to sleep.

Lana had been right about the party. Thanks to her new boyfriend, the party went off without a hitch. Oliver loved every minute of it and the friends talked about it for days. Lex had to admit that the gang was right. He didn't always need big gestures to impress. But that didn't stop him from trying.

He came in to the Talon with Oliver one day, grinning like the Cheshire Cat. He was holding an envelope. Oliver was holding a bag, and wearing a grin just as wide.

"What's up?" Clark asked.

"Oh, nothing much," Oliver said casually, but the gang could see he had a mischievous look in his eye.

"Gee Ollie," Lois said, playing the game anyway. "What's in the bag?"

Oliver looked at Lex. "Should we tell them what's behind door number one?"

"Ooh, it's like Let's Make A Deal," Lana enthused.

Lex grinned. "Go ahead, Ollie, tell them what's behind door number one."

Oliver opened the bag and brought out barbecue tools. Clark looked puzzled.

"What's this?" he asked.

"Well, I decided we should have a cookout. I managed to scrounge up some of the finest cuts of t-bone you can find this side of the Atlantic."

"Uh, Kansas is a land-locked state, Ollie," Chloe said.

Oliver rolled his eyes. "Just go with it Sullivan," he said, with a glare as if she was spoiling his fun. Chloe just blew him a kiss.

"So, Lex," Lois said, "tell us what's behind door number two?"

Lex's grin got wider and he pulled out tickets to the sold-out U2 concert. For everyone.

"Ta da," he said.

But the rest of them did not look happy. Clark looked at his friend.

"Lex, what did we say about big gestures?"

"Uh ... oh, come on, Clark, it's not like I'm buying the Eiffel Tower or anything. I just got them through a friend of a friend. He happens to know Larry Mullins."

"A friend of a friend?" Clark said sceptically.

"Okay, so he works for me. My assistant."

"The one who you thought was checking out your ass?" Chloe asked.

Lex sighed dramatically. "Yes, that's the one. And it turns out, he was flirting with me. I had to let him down gently by telling him my heart belongs to another."

"Animal, vegetable or mineral? Or cold hard cash?" Lana asked smartly. Lex glared at her.

"Anyway, he mentioned that he knew one of the roadies working on the tour."

Lex had apparently mentioned how his friends liked the group and the roadie had mentioned it to the band. Sometimes it paid to be a Luthor.

"But Lex," Chloe said. "You hate U2."

"I don't hate them," he protested. "I mean, they're an excellent band. Extremely talented."

"Just not your type of music," Lois pointed out.

"I just thought ... I wanted to do something nice." He looked embarrassed.

Clark and the others looked at each other. As big gestures went, it wasn't Lex's usual standard. In fact, it was miniscule compared to the things Lex had done, or tried to do for his friends in the past.

Lana got up and went to Lex, kissing him on the cheek. She took one of the tickets.

"Thank you," she said. "It's the nicest thing you've ever done for me."

Chloe shrugged, watching the brunette cosy up to Lex and got up, going to his side. But instead of kissing him on the cheek, she decided to go for it and planted a deep kiss on him. When they finally broke apart, she was grinning, while Lex looked dazed.

"Well, okay then," he said when he finally recovered.


	11. The One With The Sex Fantasies

**Episode Eleven: The One With The Sex Fantasies**

As Clark walked into the Talon he noticed the others gathered between two tables. Lex and Chloe were sitting together on one side, Oliver was stretching his long legs out to the side and Lois was sitting the other side of him. Lana was on the other side.

"What's with the table?" Clark asked Lois as he sat down next to her.

Lois nodded her head in the direction of the sofas where they normally sat. A group of teenagers were lounging on the sofas instead.

"Huh," Clark said.

"It's not so bad," Oliver drawled. "There's this one chick who keeps checking me out."

"That's your ego talking Ollie," Chloe said, leaning back, letting Lex put his arm around her.

"So why are we here at all? I thought this was supposed to be your day off, Lana?"

"Guess I can't stay away," Lana grinned.

"You know, there's plenty of room at the mansion," Lex said. "It wasn't my idea to stay here."

Chloe looked at him. "You don't have to tell me twice," she said, getting up and pulling him up with her. "Let's go."

Clark looked at Lois and shrugged. He followed his friends out the door, Lois trailing behind. Lana and Oliver looked at each other, then sighed and got up.

A couple of hours later found the friends stretched out on the sofas in Lex's den. Pizza boxes were strewn over the big glass coffee tables.

"Whose idea was it to get pizza?" Lex groaned.

"Yours," Clark yawned. "Your cook's on her weekend off. Remember?"

"Oh yeah, I forgot."

"I can't move," Chloe groaned. She was stretched out with her head in Oliver's lap. Everyone else was noticing the killer looks Lex was sending Oliver's way for that, but no one said anything.

"I am never eating pizza again," Lois moaned. "So bad for my thighs."

"Yeah right," Lana told her. "I know I'm going to have to work out for at least four hours just to work off those calories."

"Sure you are," Lois retorted. "Miss 'I can eat anything and never gain a pound'."

"Hey, I have to work hard to look this good," Lana protested. "You know, some people have it harder than others," she said, looking pointedly at Lois.

"Please. You just have to snap your fingers and guys will fall at your feet."

"Shut up, Lois," Chloe admonished her cousin, turning her head to look at Lois, sitting leaning her head on Clark's shoulder. "I don't know what you have to complain about. If you didn't have Clark you could have any guy you want. I'm the one who has to work harder than either of you. I mean, let's face it, Lois, smart chicks don't get the guys. The good-looking ones anyway."

"Hey!" Lex and Oliver both protested. "What am I?" Oliver asked. "Chopped liver?"

"There's a reason why you and I never worked, Ollie," Chloe told him, sitting up and glaring at him. "I mean, let's face it, I'm not exactly cover girl material. And I'm too smart for you."

"That's not the point. And who says you're not cover girl material? Chloe, you know I think you're gorgeous!" Oliver told her.

"I second that," Lex said quietly, still wishing he was the one with her head in his lap.

The three girls started sniping at each other until Clark held up his hands.

"Girls, girls," he said. "Why fight? Especially when you're all gorgeous. And trust me, a little pizza isn't going to hurt."

Lois turned and glared at her boyfriend. "Ahh, what do you know Mr super metabolism. Considering you eat like an eight year old and still manage to look like Mr Hardbody."

"I do not eat like an eight year old," he glared back. Lois grabbed a pillow and hit him with it.

"Yeah, Clark," Lana said. "It is so unfair that you can eat whatever you want, however much you want and still look like every woman's fantasy."

Lois turned and glared at Lana. "Hey, that is my boyfriend you're ogling," she told the brunette.

"I can still look," Lana told her.

"Oh yeah?" Lois swung the pillow at her. Lana picked up another one and swung back and it quickly escalated into a free for all until one of the pillows split and feathers flew everywhere.

"Those were expensive pillows," Lex complained.

The rest of the friends turned and glared at him. "Considering you've spent more on a night clubbing as a teenager Lex, I consider that an insult," Chloe snarked at him. That did it. Lex picked up his own pillow and hit Chloe with it.

Later in bed that night at his apartment, Clark changed out of his Blur outfit and got into bed wearing only his boxers.

"Did you ever think about changing the costume?" Lois asked. "Because, you know, I like the 'S' thing, but the black really doesn't work for me."

"The 'S' isn't an S, Lois, it's my family insignia."

"Whatever. I still think you should stick with the red and blue. You've always had a thing for the primary colours."

"I'll think about it," he said, turning to kiss her shoulder.

"Well, you know, I've always loved a man in uniform," she purred.

Clark leaned on his elbows and looked up at her. "Really? So you think I should get a different costume as the Blur and dress up and seduce you?"

Lois stretched languorously. "Or, you know, something like that."

"No, come on, what would be your fantasy?" he asked.

"You tell me yours and I'll tell you mine," she said, pulling him back down to kiss him.

"She said that?" Oliver asked.

"Ooh, bad idea," Lex said. "Trust me, women only want to hear one thing."

Clark looked at his two friends, standing with the pool cue in his hand while waiting for Lex to take his shot.

"What's that?"

Oliver put on a deep voice, clearly trying to imitate Clark. "I don't have a fantasy, Lois. I don't need one because you're my fantasy."

Lex got in on the game and put on a high voice, imitating Lois. "Oh really, Smallville," he said, batting his eyelashes. "You're such a romantic."

"Oh Lois," Oliver pretended to moan. But he couldn't hold back the chuckles.

"Kiss me you fool," Lex said before dissolving into laughter.

"All right, all right, I get the picture. Geez." Clark blushed, embarrassed at his friends' antics. And for once they weren't drunk. He considered them both as they slowly sobered. "So what would your fantasy be?" Clark asked Lex.

"Mm, Chloe in the back of the limo," Lex muttered, then looked a little embarrassed. He coughed. "Uh, well, okay, when I was a teenager I had a total crush ... uh, I meant to say, an infatuation with Marina Sirtis."

"Who?" Clark asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Star Trek, Next Generation," Oliver said. "She played an alien empath. Her acting was bad, but she was totally hot."

Clark rolled his eyes. "Star Trek." He remembered being made to watch one of Lex's disks when he'd come over to spend the evening with his friend, only for Lex to decide that a Star Trek marathon was in order. He'd been depressed that night because Helen had dumped him.

"So, who did you fantasise about? Other than your Lana lusting, of course," Oliver asked.

"Well, there was this one ... I only got into the thing because, well I had the computer game when I was a kid and the girl on it was kind of hot. And then the movie came out and she kind of reminded me of Lana. A little. Except, you know, tougher."

"Well, I wouldn't be telling Lois that little gem. Not about the fantasy, just that she reminded you of Lana."

"Lara Croft?" Lex asked. "Didn't I have all the Tomb Raider versions somewhere around here?"

"Yeah," Clark said. "You bought them for me because you knew I liked the game and my Dad would have had a conniption if he found out you bought anything for me."

"Yeah, well he wouldn't let you have the truck. A couple of games are just a drop in the ocean."

"You seriously told him your fantasy?"

"Well, no," Lois told her cousin. Lana was leaning on the counter, listening intently. "I just said I'd like to see him in a uniform. I didn't exactly get around to telling him that I had this one dream of a man wearing a cape and flying."

"But Clark doesn't wear a cape as the Blur."

"I know that, Lana," Lois said, glaring at the brunette.

"Still," Chloe said thoughtfully. "Sounds like it would be fun. Imagine the things he could do at super speed."

"Chloe!"

"What? A girl can still have her fantasies. It's like Lana said. He may be taken, but we can still look."

"You are seriously warped, little cuz. I don't mind telling you. Besides, you have baldy!"

"Not if he doesn't get off his ass and do something. Honestly, ever since I kissed him that day it's like he wants to run a mile in the other direction."

"Lex is used to making the first move, that's all. You just upset the balance of his ordered world," Lana told her friend. "You know how he likes order."

"Yeah," Chloe sighed. "Well, I wish he'd make up his mind."

Lois patted her cousin's arm and glanced at Lana. If she was going to get her way, Lex didn't stand a chance.

Clark wasn't looking forward to that night. Lois was expecting an answer from him and he wasn't sure what to tell her. But as he returned from patrolling, he realised there was no way he was going to be able to wriggle out of it. So he decided to borrow from the Oliver Queen school of romance.

"I don't need a fantasy, Lois," he said when she asked. "I already have my fantasy right here."

Lois froze and stared at him. Then she pulled the pillow out from under his head and hit him over the head with it.

"That's the silliest thing I've ever heard. And you've obviously been listening too much to Lex and Oliver. Come on, out with it. Tell me your fantasy."

He bit his lip. Then told her. Lois blinked at him a few times.

"Lara Croft? Which version? The video game or the Angelina Jolie version?"

"Does it matter? It's just, when I was a kid, I thought she was hot, okay? She's tough, uncompromising, beautiful, and she's adventurous. Which is everything you are."

"Okay, now that I'll believe came from your head, not Queen's." She looked thoughtful. "Lara Croft. Hmm."

"So, what's yours?" he asked.

"How do you feel about, uh, capes?" she asked.

Clark paled and groaned. "Capes?" he gulped. He'd once been given a cape as a thank you gift from an actress. They'd been filming the Warrior Angel movie at the farm, and of course Lex had just about wet his pants in excitement that his comic book hero was coming to life on celluloid. Not to mention the fact that it had all been going on practically in his own backyard, so to speak. Who knew Lex was such a fanboy deep down?

Lois didn't seem to have heard him.

"I once had this dream about this guy in a cape and he took me flying. We were soaring over the rooftops of Metropolis and then we were in this crystal palace, and, well, you can guess what happened."

"You don't have to draw me a diagram," he said. A cape. He sighed.

"So, Lois wants me to dress up as cape guy," Clark told his friends.

"Cool," Oliver said. "Just think of the chicks I could get if I added a cape to the Green Arrow." Lex cuffed his friend on the back of the head. Oliver rubbed at it. "Dude, watch the hair. And ow!"

"Focus, Ollie." Lex turned back to Clark. "I really don't see what the problem is. Lois has her sex fantasy, you get yours. It's a win-win situation."

"Yeah, but a cape! Next thing you know, she'll be wanting me to wear tights as well."

"Hmm, with those on, it's a pretty sure bet no one's going to recognise you. They'll be too busy looking at your ..." Oliver indicated Clark's groin.

"Yeah, laugh it up, blondie," Clark glared. "Anyway, back to the issue. Have you ever, you know, told a girl your fantasy?" he asked Lex.

"Well, yeah, and she laughed in my face. It wasn't pretty."

Clark sighed. What do you do when you want help from your friends but they're no help at all? He decided the only thing to do was get it out of the way. So he dug out the cape Rachel had given him and put it on. He waited in the bedroom for Lois, who was in the bathroom.

"Smallville?" she called out.

"Right here, Lois."

"Close your eyes."

"Why?"

"Just do it, will you?" she said, her tone one of exasperation. Clark obeyed, listening for the sound of her footsteps.

But when she came in, she burst out laughing. "Oh my god, Smallville. I love it. The cape's great, but the boxers just have to go."

Clark wondered if he should open his eyes now. Lois continued laughing. He felt her pulling at his boxers as she pushed them down and he heard her step back.

"Much better. You can look now, Smallville."

Clark opened his eyes, then stared at her in stunned silence. She had managed to get the shorts, the thigh holsters and the tank top and she'd done her hair in a long braid. She looked like Lara Croft, only better.

"Wow!" he said.

"You like?" she asked, turning around.

Clark bit his lip, looking at her critically. "I kind of changed my mind," he said. "I don't think Lara Croft is that hot anymore."

Lois frowned at him. "So you don't like it?" she asked.

He shook his head. "Nope. You know who I think is hotter?"

"Who?" she asked, sounding almost fearful.

"You," he said, grabbing her and spinning her around so she was flat on the bed. He had her stripped in seconds and moved over her to kiss her. The cape billowed out, covering them both as they each fulfilled their fantasies.


	12. The One With Lois' Evil Plan

**Episode Twelve: The One With Lois' Evil Plan**

Lois was busy on the phone when Clark entered the apartment.

"So you'll do it?" she said. Clark caught her grinning like a loon. "Awesome! I owe you big time."

Clark stared at Lois as she got off the phone and started doing a victory dance.

"Do what?" he asked. "And who do you owe?"

"This friend of mine. I asked him to help me with this idea I have."

"What kind of idea?" Clark frowned.

"Relax, Smallville. It's nothing dangerous."

"Better not be," he muttered.

Lois went to the kitchen and pulled out the pitcher of juice, pouring a glass for each of them.

"So, Lex's party on Friday?"

"What party?" Clark must have forgotten.

"What party? Smallville, are you forgetting Lex's annual post-Thanksgiving pre-Christmas bash?"

"Oh, that party. Considering Lex usually ends up blotto, Oliver isn't far behind and the rest of us are left to clean up the mess."

Lois looked thoughtful. "Yeah, notice a pattern with those two? Usually at these parties they end up dateless and alone and miserable. It's no wonder they get drunk every weekend."

Clark narrowed his eyes suspiciously at Lois. She had some kind of scheme planned. He could smell it.

"Lois, what are you up to?"

"Moi?"

"I know you, Lane. I know when you're planning something."

Lois tried to put on an innocent face. "I – I am a perfect angel. I'm not planning anything."

"Right. Your halo's slipping."

Lois chuckled. "Well, not yet. Wanna help?"

Clark snickered, grabbing his girlfriend around the waist, pulling her close. He deliberately let his hands slip down to her butt, squeezing the cheeks.

"Mm," Lois purred as she leaned forward to kiss him.

Clark lifted her, his hands on the backs of her thighs, encouraging her to lock her legs around his waist as he super-sped them to the bedroom. He undressed them both at speed. Lois giggled as he kissed her neck, then lay her on the bed.

"What's your rush, Superman?"

Clark paused and looked down at her. "Huh?"

She prodded his shoulder. "Well, you have super powers, and you're a man. Well, to all intents and purposes. I mean, you have all the parts of a man. So ... Superman." She snickered. "Besides, I keep thinking about you in the red cape and, well, the Blur might not wear a cape, but Superman would."

Clark groaned inwardly. He knew he'd regret wearing that damn cape. But he had to admit, he kind of liked the idea of the new identity. He'd been thinking about it a lot.

Lois punched him on the shoulder and he frowned at her.

"Don't get distracted, Smallville. You have a naked girlfriend ready and waiting here. And I know Clark Junior wants to play," she said, her hand closing on the very item. Clark shivered as his desire for her ratcheted up several notches. Yeah, Superman could wait, he decided.

They were a little late getting to the party that Friday. And judging from the smirks from his friends, Clark knew exactly what they were thinking he and Lois had been doing. He got distracted by her so easily these days. Not that that was a bad thing. But it couldn't have been further from the truth. He'd had to put out a four alarm fire on the east side and that had taken a while.

Lex grabbed him in a sort of hug.

"So glad you could join us, Clark. I mean, that you could tear yourself away from your hot girlfriend for five minutes to grace us with your presence."

Clark rolled his eyes. Lex could really lay it on thick when he wanted to.

"Sorry," he said. "I was a little tied up."

Lana raised an eyebrow at him. "Hmm, getting a little kinky there, Clark?"

"It was a blaze, thank you very much," he glared at her.

"Yeah, I bet it was," she snickered.

Juvenile. His friends were all juvenile. He sighed and shook his head at Lois who just shrugged and smiled. She seemed distracted, looking around for someone.

"Who are you looking for?" he asked in a low voice

She smiled brightly at him. "Oh, no one you know. Calm down Smallville."

"I can't calm down. I know when you're up to something Lane. And usually it ends up with egg on both our faces."

"Please. One time, Smallville, one time."

They'd both been working on the same story and had decided to team up together. Lois had a source she claimed was impeccable and trustworthy and Clark had gone along with it, until they'd learned that the source had been playing both ends against the middle in order to get out of some trouble he was in. If it hadn't been for the Blur, he and Lois would have ended up fish food.

When Perry had found out about it, Clark thought he'd hit the roof. But he hadn't. Instead, he'd hired Lois on the spot and had them team up together. While Clark liked the idea of being around his girlfriend all the time, it was exhausting trying to keep up with her crazy schemes.

Lois clutched his arm. "There he is. Ooh, this is going to be fun."

Clark looked at the man, who was as tall as Lex, but a lot more well-built. He had dark hair and intense eyes that bored right into whoever he was looking at. And he was smiling broadly as he made his way over to Lois. Clark frowned. The man looked vaguely familiar.

"Lois."

"Bruce," she said, capturing him in a hug. "I'm so glad you made it."

Bruce? As in Bruce Wayne? Clark gaped as Lois turned and smiled at him, propelling him forward.

"Bruce, this is my boyfriend, Clark."

Clark automatically held out his hand and shook the other man's, quickly aware that Bruce had a strong grip. He gripped the man's hand just that little bit tighter, relishing the look of surprise in Bruce's eyes. Lois immediately saw the look that passed between them and nudged Clark.

"Be nice."

Fine! he thought. He immediately disliked the man with his smarmy good looks and the way he was looking at Lois.

"So, uh, how do you know Lois?" he asked, letting Bruce's hand go, noticing Bruce clenching and unclenching his fist in satisfaction.

"Lois and I have known each other for years," Bruce said. "Her father has been working with Wayne Enterprises, consulting on some projects my company has been working on with the military."

"I met Bruce when I was about ... what eight?" Lois said, looking at Bruce. "We stayed at the manor a couple of weeks one summer. And Bruce was home from college."

"I caught her in my room, going through my stuff."

"Boy, you were mean!" Lois said. "And Alfred had to come rescue me." She laughed. "How is Alfred?"

"He's well. He sends greetings."

Clark noticed Bruce was looking around and Lois was just smiling as if she hadn't noticed a thing. Clark frowned. What was Lois planning?

Bruce's gaze seemed to lock on something and Clark turned to look in the same direction. Chloe. Oh no, he thought, the colour draining from his face. Bruce turned to look at Lois.

"You said your cousin was attractive," he said, "but you didn't tell me she was beautiful."

"I did too," Lois protested, laughing. "Go talk to her."

Clark sighed and grabbed his girlfriend's elbow. "Tell me you haven't done what I think you've done."

"I don't know Clark, what do you think I've done."

"You know Lex is crazy about her. How could you invite Bruce?"

"You really want to know why? Because Chloe deserves someone nice and Bruce is nice. He's also my friend and I figured if Lex wasn't going to make a move, then Bruce at least deserved a chance."

"Bruce Wayne has a reputation as a playboy," Clark hissed.

"And Chloe needs to play a little. Will you relax, Smallville? I know what I'm doing."

Clark groaned inwardly. This was going to be a disaster, he could just see it. But it was as if he was compelled to watch – as if he had no will of his own. Chloe and Bruce flirted and laughed throughout the evening and it quickly appeared that the attraction was mutual. And Lex watched them with narrowed eyes, his face getting redder and redder. Although Clark wasn't sure if it was from anger or from the copious amount of booze he was drinking.

By the end of the evening, Chloe and Bruce had left together. Oliver had picked up some mystery girl and gone home with her, Lana had left with her boyfriend and Lex was nowhere to be seen.

"Come on, Smallville," Lois said. "It's late." She pressed up close to him. "And I want to play," she said, her hand slipping down to his crotch.

"I'll be there in a minute," he said. "I just want to go check on Lex."

"Fine," she said, taking the keys from his pocket. "I'll drive home to the Talon and you can join me there."

"Lois, are you sure you should be driving?"

"I'm not drunk Smallville. I had two glasses of wine. Okay, three glasses."

She'd had more than that and he knew it. He snatched the keys back.

"No, Lois, the last thing I want is for you to run into a pole in the dark or end up with a DUI charge. Just wait here for me. I'll be back in a few minutes."

With a sigh, Lois slumped to the sofa. Clark knew what she was thinking. That he was a party pooper and that it wasn't fair that he wasn't drunk. Even though he'd had just as much as her. It wasn't his fault his body metabolised alcohol too fast for him to get drunk.

Making his way through the manor, he used his x-ray vision to locate Lex. He found him in the library, looking as if he had gone through his entire liquor collection. He looked up, smiling blearily.

"Heyyy, Clark."

"Hey, Lex. You okay?"

Lex waved his hands in the air. "I'm brilliant. I'm excellent."

"So what are you doing on the floor?"

Lex frowned. "I'm on the floor?" He looked down. "Hey, so I am."

Clark lifted him to his feet. "Come on, buddy. I think we need to get you to bed."

Lex giggled. "Clark, I didn't know you swung that way."

"Very funny, Lex. I could use a little help here," he said, trying to keep Lex upright.

"I thought you had sup ... er ... uh ... sup ... I thought you were like really, really strong."

"I am. I would just rather not have you throwing up on me."

"Luthors don't ... urgh ... throw up," Lex said, looking as if he was about to do just that. His skin had a greenish tint to it and Clark's super-hearing picked up the sound of his stomach roiling.

With a sigh, Clark leaned him against the wall. "Stay right there," he said, speeding off to find a bucket, or something. Lex had begun to slide down the wall but Clark returned just in time to catch him, and catch the spray of vomit.

It was a good thing he had a strong stomach.

When Lex had finally finished heaving the contents of his stomach, Clark got him up to his room, washing him off as best as he could. Lex was almost asleep by that time and it was all he could do to get his friend cleaned up and into bed.

"'S not fair," Lex moaned. "I love Chloe, and she ... she goes off with that ... that ..."

"Bruce."

"Whatever," Lex said airily. "She's supposed to be with me."

"Then tell her."

"She doesn't feel that way."

"How do you know if you don't tell her? Don't make the same mistake I did. I nearly missed out on the best thing that happened to me because I was too scared to say something. Tell Chloe how you feel."

Lex smiled sleepily. "I really love you Clark. You're my best ... bestest buddy in the whole world."

Clark sighed, then snickered slightly. Lex tended to lose a lot more than his inhibitions when he was drunk. He tended to get very clingy too.

"Good night, Lex," he said, pulling the blankets up to keep his friend warm. There was no answer. Lex was too busy snoring.

Clark sped back downstairs to find Lois asleep on the sofa. He picked her up gently and carried her in his arms out to the car. She was still asleep when he pulled up at the Talon twenty minutes later and didn't stir while he carried her upstairs. It was only after he stripped her and got her into bed, then climbed in beside her that she stirred.

"Smallville?" she muttered sleepily.

"Yeah, honey, it's me. Go back to sleep."

"Mm, love you Smallville."

"I love you too. You're the best thing that ever happened to me Lois. I just wanted you to know that."

She snuffled and snorted, then threw her arm across his chest and he kissed her gently on the forehead.

Clark had known Lois' plot to get Chloe and Lex together – she'd finally admitted it – would be a disaster of Titanic proportions. Chloe actually liked Bruce, and it appeared the feeling was mutual. And despite Clark prodding Lex into telling Chloe how he felt, Lex refused. Lex had a stubborn streak a mile wide and he didn't like anyone seeing him vulnerable. Admitting his feelings for Chloe made him seem vulnerable.

So Lex would just glower at Bruce and Chloe whenever they came into the Talon together. Chloe actually looked happy and Clark couldn't begrudge her that. But it was creating a lot of tension between the friends. So much that Chloe had taken to avoiding Lex as much as possible.

Things came to a head when Chloe walked in without Bruce one day. Lex was lounging on the sofa with a cup of coffee. It was early on a Sunday.

"What, no arm ornament today?" Lex snarked.

"Jealous, Lex?"

"Of you and Bruce?" He snorted. "Not likely."

"Just because you're too much of a coward to do anything about it, don't expect me to sit there waiting. And I happen to like Bruce."

"He's a playboy," Lex snapped. "He'll soon get tired of you and move on."

"You know nothing about who Bruce really is."

"You've been dating the guy three weeks," Lex growled. "How could you know him any better."

"Let's just say that I know him better than you think I do. Or better than anyone else knows him,' Chloe said smugly.

"Considering he plays everything close to his chest, I very much doubt it."

"Oh what the hell do you know?" Chloe retorted. "You've got your bald head so far up your ass it's a wonder you notice anything."

"That was uncalled for Chloe."

"Screw you, Lex. You don't own me. So stay out of my personal life."

Chloe turned on her heel and walked out angrily. Lex looked a picture of misery.

Clark looked at Lois, who looked as shocked as he felt.

"They're really beginning to hate each other," Lois said miserably. "I should never have done it. I just ... I thought ..."

"You thought if you made Lex jealous he might actually admit to Chloe how he felt," Oliver said. "When will you learn, Legs, that schemes like this are bound to go kerplooey?"

"Kerplooey?" Lois smirked.

"What scheme?" Lex's voice sounded angry behind them.

"Uh, Lex," Clark said. Lex turned on him.

"Don't you dare, Clark. Don't you dare tell me that you were in on this." He turned on Lois. "You set me up, didn't you?"

"Lex, I ... I'm sorry, it's just, I couldn't stand to see you and Chloe so miserable when it's clear that you belong together. I enlisted Bruce's help. I just didn't know it would go this far. I'm sorry," she added in a whisper.

Lex just huffed angrily and went out.

Clark sighed. He knew he owed Lex an apology too, since he'd gone along with Lois' plan. But an armed robbery, then a fire, then an attempted rape in the city kept him busy for the next few hours and the opportunity passed him by.

It wasn't until the next morning that he managed to get to Lex's mansion. Lex looked as if he'd just crawled out of bed.

"Lex, I wanted to apologise. I wasn't happy when I found out what Lois had planned, and I just wanted you to know that I'm sorry I went along with it."

Lex looked at him coolly.

"I can't pretend that I'm happy about it," Lex said, pulling the edges of his robe tighter around him. Was Lex naked, Clark thought. Had he been having sex? His skin had the flushed appearance of someone who had either been exercising or having sex. And since there was only one of those activities that was actually done naked ...Then he shook his head. Get your mind out of the gutter, Kent.

"I just ... wanted you to know I'm sorry," he repeated lamely.

"I appreciate you coming by, Clark. Now, if you don't mind, I have things to do."

Lex watched Clark go, then almost ran back up the stairs to his room. Dropping his robe on the chair, he climbed back into bed, then looked at the blonde lounging next to him.

"Think he knew I was here?" Chloe smiled.


	13. The One Where Chloe and Lex  You Know

**Episode Thirteen: The One Where Chloe and Lex ... You Know**

"_Think he knew I was here?" Chloe smiled._

Lex smiled at Chloe. "Are you sure you still want to do this? I mean, why can't we just tell them?"

Chloe pulled him closer. "First of all, you know how they get. I wanted to keep this just between us, you know? And second, after Lois tried to set me up with Bruce, I figured it was time for a little payback."

"Still, it's a little cruel, don't you think?"

"No worse than asking Bruce to go out with me, just to make you jealous. The thing is, I did like Bruce. And I felt a little sorry for him."

Lex snorted. "It's not Bruce you should feel sorry for."

Chloe looked at him. "Aw, poor baby. You know, if you hadn't been such a pussy, we could have avoided all this and got straight down to it."

Lex gaped at her. "Just who are you calling a pussy?" he growled, pushing her flat on her back. Chloe giggled.

"Miaow."

_**Flashback : Lex's Party**_

"_So, you're Chloe."_

_Chloe looked at the tall, dark-haired man. He was cute, but he was no Lex. Or Clark, for that matter. She frowned. He looked a little familiar._

"_Bruce Wayne," he prompted._

"_Oh. Thought I knew the face. Just how did you know my name?"_

"_Your cousin. Lois."_

"_Oh, wait a minute. You're that Bruce? The one she's known most of her life?"_

"_That would be me," Bruce smiled. He moved closer to her. Chloe stepped back, not liking the way he was getting into her space._

"_Is there something I can do for you?" she asked._

"_Well, that depends," he drawled. Some music was playing somewhere. "Do you dance?"_

_Chloe bit her lip. She noticed Lex was glaring daggers at Bruce. Part of her wanted to make him jealous. Just so he would make a move. Another part of her wanted to just relax and let go. And if Bruce was willing ..._

"_I do now," she said, letting Bruce take her hand._

_Bruce turned out to be a remarkable man. Intelligent, witty, strong ... She found herself talking to him all through the evening, and when Bruce invited her back to the hotel where he was staying, she decided not to refuse him. _

_For a man with a playboy reputation, he had certainly not lived up to it. Instead of bedroom activities, they had just talked all night. Chloe found herself telling him about her recently aborted career as a journalist, Smallville and its meteor freak population and Lex._

_After about the fifth time mentioning Lex, Bruce sighed._

"_I think it's time I made a confession," he said._

"_You mean the part where you tell me Lois set you and me both up to make Lex jealous?"_

_Bruce frowned. "Wait! How did you know that?"_

"_Please! I know my cousin a lot better than you think I do. This is just the kind of thing she would do, especially now that she's happy with Clark."_

"_Yeah, about that. Why is she with him? He strikes me as a little ..."_

"_What?"_

"_Dare I say farmboy?"_

_Chloe raised an eyebrow at Bruce. "Oh, there's a lot more to Clark than meets the eye."_

"_Tell me. I would love to know."_

"_Oh no, Mister Wayne, you're not getting that out of me."_

_They were both startled by the door of the hotel room crashing open._

"_I knew you were up to something Wayne," Lex snarled._

_Chloe frowned at him. "Lex, are you drunk?"_

"_I passed drunk several hours ago. Then I puked, passed out, then woke up and drank some more."_

_Okay, she thought, this is getting ridiculous. She watched, trying to suppress her laughter as Lex tried to threaten Bruce. Tried, and failed._

"_She's my girl," Lex said, swaying on his feet as he tried to poke Bruce in the ribs._

"_I don't see your name on her," Bruce commented and that had to be the most ridiculous thing Chloe had ever heard._

"_Shut up Bruce," she said, and he turned and glared at her. Chloe ignored him and turned on Lex. "You know, Lex, if you weren't such a pussy, this could have been resolved without resorting to bloodshed."_

"_Speaks the woman who had to be drunk to kiss me," he growled._

"_Once, Lex, and if you recall, I kissed you a few weeks ago. Dead sober."_

"_Well, you ..." He swayed unsteadily and it was pretty clear he was going to pass out. Or throw up. _

_Chloe turned and looked imploringly at Bruce. Who rolled his eyes in exasperation._

"_Get him on the couch," he said. "And if he pukes, you're cleaning it up."_

"_Gee, thanks, my hero," Chloe snarked._

_Together they managed to get Lex onto the couch where he immediately passed out. Chloe decided the best thing to do was stay with him, making sure he didn't do anything stupid. Bruce went to bed and Chloe slept in the surprisingly comfortable armchair. _

_Lex woke up next morning, or rather early afternoon, feeling as if someone was using a battering ram on his head. He groaned as he sat up, feeling the ache right through his bones. The room swam before him. He gave himself a quick discourse about the laws of physics versus the after effects of alcohol, but it still didn't stop him from thinking the room was spinning._

_Coffee. He needed coffee. Something to get rid of the feeling of having sandpaper rubbed on his tongue. Or something._

_A door was closed somewhere and it felt like a million percussionists were working in his head._

"_Ahh," he moaned, clutching his bald head._

"_Well, I'd say it served you right," a woman's voice said, "but you hardly need telling that."_

_Lex glared at the woman through bleary eyes until her image swam into focus. "Chloe?"_

"_No, it's the tooth fairy. I brought coffee."_

_She held the cup under his nose and a delicious aroma appealed to his inner demon. Coffee could fix anything, even the nausea that bubbled up. He took the cup gratefully._

"_Chloe, I ..."_

"_You don't have to say it, Lex. You already made an idiot of yourself." She sighed. "I think we need to talk."_

_Lex frowned, taking in the whole of the room for the first time. It seemed to be some kind of hotel suite. "Here? Uh, where exactly is here, anyway?"_

"_Bruce's suite."_

"_Oh shit!"_

"_Yeah, and I really appreciate the way you barged drunkenly in last night claiming territorial rights."_

_Lex noticed Bruce sitting calmly at the table._

"_Sorry," he muttered._

"_Sure you are." Bruce stood and looked pointedly at Chloe. "Fix this."_

"_Right after I kill Lois," Chloe promised._

_Lex frowned. Lois, what did she have to do with this?_

"_What does Lois have to do with this?"_

"_She conned Bruce into coming to the party last night thinking she could set the two of us up to make you jealous. I guess she thought she was doing me a favour," Chloe sighed._

"_I doubt she was expecting Lex to get completely blotto, then start all over again," Bruce commented. Chloe shot him a look that told him he wasn't helping. _

"_Drink your coffee Lex. Then I'm taking you home," Chloe said._

_Lex looked at her, a sarcastic comment on the tip of his tongue but she sent him a look which told him to keep his mouth shut. _

"_Just how did you get here, anyway?" Bruce asked._

"_Drove. I think."_

"_Are you insane?" Chloe fairly screeched, which set off the percussionists in his head once again and he groaned. _

"_Please, no shouting."_

"_Lex, I'm sorry, but you were clearly completely trashed and what idiot drives from Smallville to Metropolis in the dead of night just because they're ... you know ... jealous?"_

"_I'm not jealous," Lex protested. _

_Bruce snorted._

"_I was just concerned," Lex said. "I know Bruce's reputation."_

"_Right here," Bruce commented._

"_And I didn't want Bruce to hurt you."_

"_Still here," Bruce muttered._

"_So you saying I'm your girl last night wasn't an act of jealousy? Oh be still my heart."_

_Lex fell silent. He knew he'd lost the argument anyway. Since he'd laid his cards on the table last night. Not that he could remember a thing._

_By the time they got back to the mansion, it was late and Chloe really wasn't in the mood to talk. Lex tried to apologise, but she was having none of it. She went home to the Talon apartment, still not talking to him and Lex realised he'd screwed up big time. _

"_She's right," he told himself as he looked at his reflection in the mirror. "You're a coward."_

_But he just couldn't make that first step. No matter how much he wanted her, he was afraid. Afraid that she might not feel the same way. Afraid that she might be totally turned off by him. Afraid she would eventually leave him – like they all did. He had never felt about anyone the way he felt about her, but he was too stubborn to let go of his past insecurities. He knew he was missing out on a good thing and he was insane with jealousy every time she walked in to the Talon with Bruce. She seemed so relaxed and happy and he couldn't begrudge her that._

_The fight in the Talon had to be the worst they'd ever had. And they'd had some. Lex had walked out after discovering Chloe had been right about the whole set up and had driven home in a bad temper. What he wasn't expecting was Bruce on his doorstep._

"_You asshole! She's right. You've got your head so far up your ass you can't even see what's right in front of your face. You'd be lucky to have a great girl like Chloe love you."_

"_Oh what the hell do you know?" Lex retorted, striding into the study, grabbing the scotch decanter off the wet bar to pour himself a drink._

"_That's enough of that. You drink too much."_

_Lex protested as Bruce snatched the decanter off him._

"_Damn it, Bruce," he said. "Why don't you just go back to her? I'm sure you can give her more than I can."_

"_Everything except the thing she wants most, which is you. Lex, Chloe and I aren't seeing each other. Not as in dating. She's a beautiful woman, but we both know it's not going to go anywhere. Not when she loves you."_

"_Sure she does."_

"_You really are insecure, aren't you?"_

"_Bruce, I'm warning you ..." Lex snatched the decanter out of Bruce's hand._

"_I give up. Fine, drink yourself to death, Luthor. She's better off without you anyway."_

_Lex watched as the other man left, the misery threatening to overwhelm him. He looked down at the amber liquid sloshing inside the crystal, then threw it across the room._

"_Well, that's a waste of good scotch."_

_Lex whirled. "Chloe?"_

_Chloe sighed. "You know, I'm trying to decide if you're the world's biggest jerk, or the world's biggest idiot. I think I'll settle for somewhere in the middle."_

"_Go away, Chloe."_

"_No, I won't. Lex, do you want to know why I've been so mad at you? Because here you are accusing me of needing to get drunk before I could kiss you, and yet there you were, drunk off your face, telling Bruce I was 'your girl'."_

"_I don't want to talk about this, Chloe."_

"_No, Lex, we are going to talk about this. I love you, you moron. I always have. But the first time I kissed you, I was too afraid of you to tell you how I felt."_

"_Afraid?" Lex raised an eyebrow at her. "Chloe, you never had to be afraid of me. I swore I would protect you."_

_Chloe moved inside the circle of his arms, touching his collar briefly. "Lex, you were more than just ... I don't know, you were larger than life. And I was just a high school kid, trying to do the right thing. It's not just the age thing, it's ... it's who you are. You were so different back then. Sure, you had a lot of stuff going on. I got that. But I never once thought you could feel the same way about me."_

_Lex held her. "I always have," he said. "I just thought you deserved better than me."_

"_Will you let me be the judge of that?"_

_And then Chloe kissed him and it was as if it was the Fourth of July. He wasn't sure who made the next move – maybe it was both of them, but next thing he knew they were in bed together._

_Chloe stretched and yawned. _

"_Tired already?" he asked with a grin._

"_Hmm, that's because someone's insatiable." Well, they had made love four times._

"_Don't know what you're talking about," he said, trying to sound innocent. Chloe chuckled and placed a kiss on his chest._

_He loved how comfortable he was with her. And he told her so._

"_Like an old shoe?" she asked with a frown._

"_No, Chloe, that's not what I mean. I just ... I mean, this feels right. That's all I'm saying."_

"_I know," she snickered. "I feel the same."_

"_Good. I'd hate to think it was one-sided. Something still bugs me though."_

"_Bruce?" And it seemed as if she could read his mind. "It's just business."_

"_What kind of business?" he asked. "I mean, it's not like you own a major corporation."_

"_No," she admitted. "Look, I'll tell you this much. I've been at a loose end since I quit the Planet."_

_She'd resigned a year ago after fighting with her editor over an ethical issue. She had a strict code of honour and he'd wanted her to step over the line on a story involving Lex. She'd refused, resigning her job. It was something Lex admired about her._

"_So, you ... what? You're going to work for Bruce?"_

"_Something like that."_

They'd agreed that they would pretend that nothing had changed between them in front of their friends. Lex still thought it was a little cruel, especially since Lois had only been trying to get her friends together. Her heart had been in the right place.

Lex kissed Chloe as she left the mansion later that day.

"Just between us," she said. "Please? I just want something that's mine, just for a little while."

"Deal," he said. "Chloe, I ..."

"I know, Lex," she said. "Me too."

The next time they were in the Talon, they let their friends think they'd just talked it out and were friends again. Lois seemed contrite as she apologised for her little scheme.

"I just wanted you to be as happy as Clark and I are, that's all," she said.

Chloe smiled at her cousin. "I know, Lo." She sighed dramatically. "Maybe some things just aren't meant to be." And maybe they are, she thought, stealing a look at Lex. He saw her glance and smiled. Yep, she thought, maybe they are.


	14. The One With the Two New Year's Eve Part

**Episode Fourteen: The One With the Two New Year's Eve Parties.**

"Kent! Lane! My office."

Clark and Lois looked at each other as Perry whirled and left the bullpen. With a sigh, Clark got up and grabbed Lois' hand, walking out to go up the stairs to Perry's office.

"You wanted to see us, Chief?" he asked.

"Sit down, Kent. And don't call me Chief."

Lois looked at him, and shrugged, then at Perry.

"Something wrong, Ch ... uh, Mr White?"

Perry's tone was stern as he looked at the both of them.

"I've had a letter about the two of you. About your story on the Blur a couple of months ago."

Clark stared. Was it a complaint? He bit his lip, touching Lois' hand as if for reassurance. He watched as Perry took the letter from a file. Clark was tempted to try to read it, but thought better of it. Perry stood up.

"Are we in trouble?" Clark asked uneasily.

"Well, if you call being nominated for a Kerth Award in trouble," Perry told him, breaking out into a huge grin.

Clark stared at his boss, stunned, then at Lois, who was blinking rapidly.

"Nominated?" she said.

"Close your mouth, Kent, you look like a guppy. Nominated, Lane. Do you know how long it is since one of my reporters has been nominated for an award like this? Or how rare it is for two rookies to be nominated?"

"Um, I'm guessing pretty rare, Chief," Lois said.

"You betcha, Lane. Now this is no excuse to rest on your laurels either, you two. Just remember, you're only as good as your last headline. Now I know a good thing when I see it. You two are the best writing team since Woodward and Bernstein. But I also figure that you can have too much of a good thing. So I ain't making the two of you a permanent writing team yet." Perry grinned again and relaxed. "I'm proud of you Kent," he said, looking at Clark. "Always knew you had that potential in you when I met you all those years ago. Glad to see I was proved right. Now, second thing. Don't think I didn't notice you two missing the Christmas party." He pulled out two cards. "Your invites to the New Year's Eve party at the Ace of Clubs. No excuses. Be there. Understood?"

Still stunned, Clark followed Lois out of the editor-in-chief's office.

"Wow!" Lois breathed.

"You're telling me."

"A Kerth award! What story? There's been so many of them."

"I only got a glimpse of the letter. It was on that series of fires downtown a couple of months ago. Remember? We found out it was a turf war between local gangs." Clark had been kept busy all over the north side of the city putting out more than fires, especially when the turf war had escalated, threatening to spill over into other parts of the city.

Clark had still been calling himself the Blur then, but he'd debuted as Superman just two weeks before Christmas, having finally given in to his girlfriend's cajoling.

"Oh yeah!" Lois glanced at the invitation she'd been given. "Smallville, we can't go to this party. Lex's party is at the same time. At the mansion, remember?"

Clark sighed. "I know. But we can't exactly tell the chief that. Not after today."

"Then what are we going to do? You might be the Blur, but you can't be in two places at once. And Lex will kill us if we miss another party."

"You mean if I do. You, at least, were at the Talon Christmas party."

Lois grimaced. It hadn't been Clark's fault he'd missed their friends' Christmas bash at the Talon. He'd had an emergency in Metropolis, helping with a six car pile-up on the freeway. One person had died that night and another might have if he hadn't got there so quickly.

As they sat in the Talon that night, they told their friends about the nomination.

"Wow, you guys," Lana beamed. "That is amazing!"

"And just think, I don't know anyone on the board of the Kerth Awards," Lex smirked.

"Very funny, Uncle Fester," Lois glared. As if that would stop Lex from trying to stack the deck. Lex glared back at her, annoyed at the 'Uncle Fester' nickname.

"So, anyway," he said, "New Year's Eve. You are still coming to the party, aren't you?"

"Wouldn't miss it," Chloe smiled. Lex grinned at her.

Lois looked suspiciously from one to the other. It seemed they'd made up after her little blunder with Bruce, but the way they were acting with each other had her wondering. Had something happened between them or were they putting on an act for their friends' benefit? She really wanted to know.

"So, uh, I thought I'd get my chef to make some hors d'oeuvres. You know, like canapés."

"Why do you always have to have parties where the food has fancy names like hors d'oeuvres and canapés," Clark remarked. "Couldn't you just call it finger food?"

Lex shot him a withering glare. "It's not pigs-in-a-blanket, heathen."

"I don't know," Lois mused. "Clark has a point. I mean, why couldn't we just get pizzas and beer."

"Luthors don't drink beer," Lex sniffed audibly.

"No, not unless it's imported and goes for like five hundred bucks a bottle," Chloe snickered, earning her own glare from Lex.

"Would be more fun though," Lana said. "Not that your parties aren't fun, Lex. It's just ... well, when you give the food fancy names, we're more worried about spilling wine or food on the furniture."

"Are you saying my parties are boring?" Lex asked.

"No. I mean, remember the surprise party you held for Clark's seventeenth birthday?" Lana asked.

"Do you mean the one where Clark never showed because he got stabbed and nearly bled to death on his kitchen floor?"

"That would have been a great party," Chloe told him.

"Except for the homicidal maniac," Lex pointed out.

Oliver, who had been silent for most of it, looked at his friends. "Wait, what? I never heard about this."

"They found an artefact in the Kawatche caves. It was a knife, made from Kryptonian metal. And it was ... what was it called, Clark?" Chloe asked.

"A star blade. Jeremiah called it Palak."

"Who's Jeremiah?"

"He was one of the Kawatche people. The legend goes that one of them was meant to be the guardian of the star blade until Naman claimed it. The guardian would be given powers like Naman in order to protect the blade. Only Jeremiah got the powers and they went to his head, making him think he was Naman. And his body couldn't take it."

"So he stabbed you because he wanted to beat you?" Oliver asked.

Clark nodded. "Anyway, Jeremiah claimed that Lionel was Naman's true enemy, Sageeth, and he was going to sacrifice him to stop the legend from coming true."

"You also thought I might be Sageeth," Lex reminded him. "Remember?"

"You still might be."

"That's the problem with prophecies," Lex told him. "They can be interpreted in so many ways. Look at Nostradamus. There have been arguments for years on whether he truly predicted the coming of Hitler, or the fall of the twin towers. And wasn't World War Three have supposed to have started by now?"

"But you're completely segueing off the topic, Lex. Not that we don't appreciate the history lesson," Chloe interjected.

"The topic being?"

"The party? And your insane planning. I mean, you always go overboard."

"I do not!" Lex protested.

"Do too," Chloe said. "I swear, you have a committee for every party."

"Do not!" he sniffed. Then he shrugged. "I just like things to be perfect, that's all."

"Ever hear of being spontaneous?" Chloe answered. Lois was watching them like an umpire at a tennis match.

"And you know what spontaneous gets you? A crowd of gatecrashers and one hell of a problem with the local authorities."

Clark nodded knowingly. "Remember the one and only 'spontaneous' party I held?" he reminded his friends. "I had over a hundred people show up and I didn't know any of them. I was grounded for a month over that party."

"Yeah, but it was fun," Chloe said.

"Speak for yourself," Clark said. "You didn't get stuck with the cleanup."

"Which took you all of two minutes at super speed," Chloe reminded him.

"Yeah, whatever."

"Anyway, back to the New Year's Eve party. Who are you inviting?" Lois asked Lex.

"Well, there's you guys, of course. Then there's Matt, Kate, Robyn, Chris, Jude, from work. Mary Ellen, Carol, Jen, Jools ..."

"Carol?" Oliver asked. "Carol who?"

"You remember her, Ollie," Lex told him. "She was at the Luthorcorp Christmas bash."

Oliver looked slightly uncomfortable. "Uh, don't invite Carol."

"Why not?"

"Uh, because she, uh, she's a heavy drinker, and ..."

"No she isn't," Lois said. "Carol might have a drink or two, but ..."

Clark grinned at his blonde friend. "I know why Ollie doesn't want to invite her. Because he slept with her and didn't call her back."

Oliver hung his head, embarrassed at being caught out.

"That is so disgusting, Oliver," Lana admonished him.

Oliver reddened. "Hey, I liked her, okay? Maybe a little too much."

Lex turned and glared at him. "Yeah, right, and I'm one of Santa's elves." Chloe chuckled and he looked at her, raising an eyebrow. "What?"

"Just picturing you with the pointy ears and the little hat. You'd look so cute."

Lex glared at her, then turned back to his friends. "So, you guys are all coming, aren't you?"

Clark felt a guilty flush start in his cheeks. "Of course," he lied. I am so dead, he thought. Just how on Earth was he going to make sure that he and Lois kept to their word with Perry and be at Lex's party at the same time?

Clark paced in the living room of Lois' apartment.

"We are so dead, Lois. Lex is going to hate us."

"Honey, there's an easy way around this."

"Like what?"

"You can fly us back and forth to Metropolis."

"Yeah, and I'm going to look like a jackass trying to make some lame excuse to Lex, or to Perry."

"Then why don't you just tell Lex the truth? I'm sure he'll understand."

"No, he won't understand, Lois. Did I ever tell you about Lex's twelfth birthday party?"

"No. What does that have to do with anything?"

"Lex told me about this. See, when he was at school, a lot of kids bullied him because of his baldness."

"I know all that. Get to the point."

"When he turned twelve, Lionel threw him this big party. He invited all the kids in Lex's set. And no one came. It was horrible."

"But Lex has a lot of friends now. And they will come to his party."

"But I'm Lex's best friend, Lois. His best friend." How is it going to look if I'm not there?"

"He'll get over it. We just need to explain ..."

"Explain what? That Perry threatened to fire our asses if we didn't show up at the party?"

"Hello? We've been nominated for a Kerth Award. There's no way Perry would fire us because we didn't go to one little party."

"No," he sighed. "Maybe you're right. But still ... he's not going to accept the excuse that we don't want to go to the Planet party because we've got somewhere more important to be."

"Then we just tell Lex that you have some Superman-related emergency. He'll understand that!"

"Like he understood about the Talon Christmas party? You know how he gets!"

Lois sighed and shook his head. "Has anyone ever told Lex how high maintenance he is?"

Clark cracked a smile. "No. You want to be the first?"

"Not if I want to make it to the New Year," Lois retorted.

Clark knew the decision was made. Somehow, he and Lois would just have to make excuses and divide their time between both parties. They might end up looking a little worse for wear at each party, but it was the best they could come up with. He moaned inwardly. This was going to be a disaster. He could just smell it.

The Planet party was due to start at eight. Which gave them an hour, as Lex's party was starting at nine. Lex wanted to see the New Year in with his friends and colleagues. Perry grinned at them as they walked in to the Ace of Clubs.

"You made it. Good. I wouldn't want to have to fire my two award nominees, now would I?" he said, with a twinkle in his eye.

Clark gulped and glanced at Lois. She was wearing a fitted black dress that left little to the imagination. And she was doing her best to ignore Perry's remark, which Clark hoped had been facetious. He grabbed two glasses of champagne from a passing waiter and handed one to Lois, gulping his down.

"Slow down, Smallville," Lois hissed.

"You know I can't get drunk," he hissed back.

"Yeah, but guzzling champagne isn't the way to make a good impression farmboy."

Clark sighed. This was going to be a long night. He circulated, glancing at his watch occasionally. The time just seemed to pass very slowly.

Lois glanced at him every so often. Then she surreptitiously looked at her cellphone. Clark realised she had programmed it to alert her when it was time to leave. She turned and sent him a look. Clark turned back to Perry and the city editor. He'd been trying to make polite conversation, but his mind was elsewhere.

"Uh, you know, Perry, Lois and I have been working on another story. And uh, ..."

Lois grabbed his arm and smiled at Perry. "I just got a call, Smallville. From Bobby."

Clark turned and looked at her, puzzled. "Who?" he asked. She kicked him in the ankle. If he hadn't been invulnerable, it might have actually hurt.

"You know. Bobby Bigmouth? Our source."

"Oh, that Bobby," he said, quickly catching on. "Sorry, Chief. You know how it is. News never sleeps."

"It's New Year's Eve, Kent. Take the night off."

Clark let himself be dragged away by his girlfriend. "Wish we could, Chief," Lois answered. "But this is important."

As soon as they were out of sight of the partygoers, Clark tightened his arms around his girlfriend and launched himself in the air, flying toward Smallville. He landed just short of the mansion, hoping no-one had seen the flight. It would have looked rather odd with him wearing the horn-rimmed glasses and the semi-formal clothing instead of the Superman uniform he'd been taking to wearing.

He studied Lois quickly. She frowned at him.

"Do I have a bug in my teeth?" she asked.

"Uh, no, but you might want to fix your hair a little," he said.

Lois' hair was definitely showing signs of being flown at high speed. This was never going to work.

When they walked into the mansion, Chloe looked at them both.

"What'd you do? Fly here?"

"Uh, Chlo ..."

"Never mind," the blonde said quickly. "The party's already started."

Either Lex was nervous or too pre-occupied to say anything about their appearance, but he greeted them both warmly.

"Glad you could make it," he smiled, but his smile had a slight edge to it, making Clark wonder if Lex was nervous after all. Which was odd, since Lex didn't get nervous.

As he and Lois began to circulate, he tuned in with his super-hearing.

"Lex, relax. They don't know."

"This is just our first party. Together. I just wanted it to be great, Chloe."

"Lex, you know you don't have to do anything to impress me except be yourself. You know how I feel about you."

Clark quickly tuned out, feeling like an intruder. But clearly there was something going on between Chloe and Lex. And all he could think was that it was the best thing that could ever have happened to his friends.

Lois nudged him after thirty minutes. He made an excuse to Oliver and stepped out with his girlfriend. Within seconds they were flying back to Metropolis.

Perry clapped a hand on his shoulder. "Kent. Where have you been?"

"Uh, you know, chasing up a lead, Chief."

Perry looked at him sceptically. "Yeah, right."

Clark sighed. And the evening was just getting started.

It was clear after the third time going back and forth that it was starting to look very suspicious. Lex kept giving them both strange looks. As Clark turned to leave Lex's mansion to fly with Lois back to the Ace of Clubs, Lex caught his arm, dragging him into the study.

"All right, Kent. Spill. Because it's pretty clear you want to be somewhere else. Now what's going on? Have I said something to offend you? Do I smell bad or something?"

"What? Lex, no."

"Then what's going on?"

Clark bit his lip, not wanting to offend his friend, but also not wanting to lie either. Lois was better at lying than he was. Mind you, she'd had a lot of practice lying to her father.

"Uh, Lex ..."

"Come on, Kent. Just tell me."

Clark sighed. "Perry."

"Perry what?"

"Uh, he sort of, well, I'm sure he was kidding, but he, uh, said he'd fire both of us, me and Lois, if we didn't go to the Planet's New Year's Eve party."

Lex stared at him silently for what seemed an interminably long moment.

"So, are you seriously telling me you've been flying Lois back and forth to Metropolis all night?"

"Uh, yes?"

Lex laughed. "Kent, you are an idiot. Why the hell didn't you just tell me?"

"I didn't want to hurt your feelings," Clark explained. "I mean, I missed the party at the Talon."

"Yeah, because you had the pile-up on the freeway to deal with. Geez Clark, am I really that high maintenance?"

Now what did he say to that? "Well, I, uh," he said lamely.

And suddenly the ludicrousness of the entire situation struck him. Clark began to laugh, wondering why he just hadn't explained the situation to his friend in the first place. He might be Superman, but as Clark Kent he was an idiot. A moron. A dork. A ...

"Hey, Smallville," Lois said, appearing beside him. "Don't beat yourself up. That's my job."

Clark chuckled. He looked at Lex, who was fighting what was clearly undignified snorts. For a Luthor.

"Go to the Planet party. Stay for the countdown. But then make your excuses and come back here. I've got something planned to see in the new year."

Clark nodded and returned to the Ace of Clubs, just as they were beginning the countdown to midnight.

"Ten ... nine ... eight ... seven ..."

Clark looked at Lois, his arm around her waist as the countdown ended and the revellers began embracing. She grinned back at him.

"Yeah, you are an idiot," she confirmed. "But you're my idiot! And I wouldn't have you any other way."

They quickly said their goodbyes to Perry and headed back to Smallville where the revellers had gathered on the patio. Lex grinned at them and nodded to his staff. Fireworks lit up the sky.

"Happy New Year, Clark," Lex said. He was standing very close to Chloe, touching her, but trying not to be too obvious about it. Clark let it go without a word. They clearly wanted to keep things to themselves for a while and Clark didn't see anything wrong with that.

"Happy New Year, Lex," he said.


	15. The One Where Clark and Lois  aren't

**Episode Sixteen: The One With The Morning After**

Clark walked in to the Talon looking as if he had the weight of the entire world on his shoulders.

"Hi," he said glumly.

"Okay, who died," Chloe joked. Then she saw his face. He looked completely miserable. "Geez, who died."

"Lois ... Lois ..." If Chloe didn't know better, she would think he was going to cry.

"Sounds like Lois," Lana prompted.

"We ... we ..."

"Clark? What is it man?" Oliver said, going to his friend.

"We broke up," he said with a mournful moan.

"What?" Three voices spoke in unison.

"You broke up?" Lana asked. "What happened?"

"We had this horrible fight, and she said, she said maybe we should take a break, and then we ... took a break."

"Oh my god," Chloe said. "When ... what ... how ... when?"

"You said that," Oliver said quietly.

"Last night," Clark said, sinking down on the sofa. Lana put a comforting hand on his arm.

"I'll make you some coffee."

"Don't forget to put some Kryptonite in it," Clark added morosely.

"That's not funny," Chloe told him.

He turned watery green eyes on her. "Nothing about this is funny. I ... I just ended up walking around all night after I left the apartment."

"So you didn't get any sleep?" Oliver asked. "Why didn't you crash at my place? Where was Lois?"

"I think she's still at the apartment. Most of her things were there, I mean we'd practically moved in together, and now I don't know what to do. I can't go back to that apartment. I mean, we had our best times there."

"Of course you can't," Chloe said soothingly. "Maybe I could ask Lex, you know, if you could move into the mansion. I'm sure he wouldn't mind."

"I have a spare room at my penthouse," Oliver said. "You can crash there anytime, buddy."

"I don't want to go anywhere that Lois isn't ..."

"Lois isn't what?" Lex had come in. "Geez, who died?"

"Been there, done that, Lex," Chloe told him. "Lois and Clark broke up last night."

"Oh shit, man, I'm sorry. I mean, you and Lois, you're like ..." He clapped his hands together. "You know? So, where's Lois?"

Clark shrugged. "I guess at the apartment. I don't know."

"So you haven't called her?" Lana asked, handing him a cup of his favourite coffee blend.

Clark shook his head. "No."

Chloe picked up her phone. "Excuse me," she said.

Lex followed her outside. "What are you doing?"

"Calling Lois. Come on, Lex, she's probably hurting too."

"You know what this is going to do to the friendship dynamic, don't you?" he said.

"No, Lex, I don't know. But Lois is my cousin and Clark is my best friend and I can't just sit back and watch this sinking ship, okay?" She looked at him, brushing her fingers down his shirt. "Look, just go be with Clark. I think he needs you right now."

Just then, Clark walked out, His shirt was stained with coffee, but he didn't seem to notice.

"I'm going to sort this out," he said, his expression determined. Chloe frowned at him.

"Clark, do you really think that's a good idea?"

"I'm going," he said, his face resolute. Before Chloe could say anymore, he sped off, leaving Chloe and Lex to stare at each other.

"Just promise me something," Lex said slowly.

"What, Lex?"

"If we ever broke up, not that I'm saying we're going to, mind you, tell me you're not going to let me walk around with coffee stains on my shirt."

Chloe turned and kissed him softly.

"I promise you, Lex, whatever happens, I will always be totally honest with you. Brutally honest. And if you ever have coffee stains on your shirt, or any other stains for that matter, you will never have to worry that I'll let you make a fool of yourself."

"Just so we're clear, then."

"As crystal," she nodded.

Clark's speed must have been off since it took him a little longer than a minute to get to the city. It was another minute before he made it up the stairs to the apartment. He opened the door and walked in.

"Lois, we need to talk."

"Hello, Clark. It's been a while."

Clark gaped at Bruce. He'd just walked out of the bathroom, wearing nothing but a towel. And Lois came out of the bedroom with wet hair.

"Bruce, have you seen my ..." She stopped mid-sentence and froze in the centre of the room, staring at Clark. "It's not what it looks like."

"That's funny. Because what it looks like from here is you've got a half-naked man in our living room," Clark told her coldly.

"Well, if you want to get technical ..." she said, biting her lip.

"What's technical? Did you sleep with him?"

"Uh, maybe I should, uh, go change," Bruce said, going into the bedroom Lois had just come out of.

"Clark ..." Lois began.

"Answer the question, Lois. Did you, or did you not sleep with him?"

He could see Lois was thinking what to say. If the answer was no, it was already too late for a denial. He nodded.

"Yeah, that's what I thought." He turned and walked out again.

"Clark ..." she said, clearly trying to swallow a lump in her throat.

Bruce came out of the bedroom, dressed in dark pants and sweater. He put his arms around her.

"He didn't even give me a chance to explain," she said.

"Let me talk to him," he said.

"Maybe you shouldn't. If you value your limbs," she told him. "When Clark's that angry, he ..."

"What, is he Superman or something?" Bruce chuckled. But then he saw Lois' expression. "Oh god, he's Superman. Why the hell didn't I see it before?"

"Maybe for the same reason that he doesn't know you're Batman," she said quietly.

"You keep a lot of secrets, don't you, Little Lo?"

Despite her misery, Lois rolled her eyes. "Please, do not use that nickname. Only the General ever calls me that and he ..."

"Okay, okay. But Lois, listen to me. You didn't do anything wrong, okay? Clark just needs to give you a chance to explain, that's all."

Lex had just returned to the mansion from a meeting at the plant when he was stopped by Enrique.

"Sir, I'm sorry, but ... well, you have a guest. It seems Mr Kent ..."

"Where is he?" Lex asked.

"In the den, sir."

Lex immediately went to the den. Clark was sprawled on the leather couch, sound asleep. Lex turned to Enrique.

"Don't disturb him," he said. "Clark's had a rough night."

"Of course sir. Will there be anything else, sir?"

"No. Thank you."

Enrique gave him an odd look and Lex realised. He very rarely said 'thank you' to his servants.

"Huh," he said quietly to himself. "Chloe must be rubbing off on me."

Chloe, meanwhile, had received a call from Bruce. She met him in town, in the building they planned on renovating. She hadn't even told Lex what she and Bruce had been planning on doing.

She looked around the main room. The building itself was old and run down.

"Well, talk about your fixer-upper," she quipped.

"It has potential," Bruce said. "The dome itself ..."

Chloe looked up. The glass dome was covered in years of dust, but if it could be cleaned up, it would make an incredible feature. And she knew Clark would love it, given that his body acted as some kind of solar battery.

"Maybe ..." she said, eyeing it critically. "So, what's up?" she asked.

"Nothing."

"I know that look, Wayne. Believe me, I've seen it on Clark hundreds of times. Especially when he doesn't want to tell me something. Or when he's lying about something."

"It's no wonder you and Lex work so well," he observed dryly. "You're both incredibly nosy."

"Spill, Wayne."

"I was with Lois last night."

"And let me guess, Clark walked in and saw you in the apartment and ..."

"Got completely the wrong idea. Look, I've known Lois a long time. From the time she was a cute little girl with pigtails."

"Uh-huh," Chloe said sceptically.

Bruce lost the opportunity to say anymore as the realtor came in.

"So? What do you think?"

"We'll take it," Bruce said. "I expect to close escrow immediately. I'll have my accountant write you up a cheque."

"Uh, Mr Wayne ..." she began.

"Please," he said, turning on the full-scale Wayne charm. She was hooked immediately. "Call me Bruce." He handed her a business card with contact details for his accountant. She blushed and giggled.

"Thank you, Mr Wayne. My name's Mary Ellen."

He lifted her hand and kissed it. "Such a lovely name for a lovely woman."

She blushed again. Chloe grabbed his arm.

"All right, Romeo," she hissed. "Let's move. You're buying me coffee."

As soon as they sat down at a table at the local coffee shop, Chloe glared at him. Bruce avoided her glare. Ah, the power, Chloe thought, of being able to make grown men cry.

"Finish the story," she told him as the waitress put their coffees and biscotti down on the table.

"Like I was saying," he said, "I've known Lois a long time. And we've become good friends. But that's all. I have never slept with her. And trust me, a woman like Lois ..."

"Yeah, yeah. I had enough problems competing with Lana in high school. Really don't need to hear you singing Lois' praises as well."

Bruce put a hand on hers. "Chloe, don't get me wrong. Lois is a beautiful woman, but so are you. It takes more than just good looks, and believe me, you are a very beautiful young woman. Your intelligence, your humour, your maturity, your indomitable spirit ... those are highly attractive qualities. And if I was anyone else but who I am, then I would whisk you off to Gotham, wine and dine you and show you just how beautiful I think you are. And why are you looking at me like that."

Chloe sighed. "You had me at hello," she said dreamily.

He snapped his fingers in front of her face. "Chloe."

"Sorry," she said. "So, what happened last night?"

"I happened to be in town for the weekend. To meet with the realtor. And when Lois called me in near hysterics because she'd had a huge fight with Clark, I had to go over there. And we just talked most of the night. Trust me, Chloe, she is so hung up on Clark, it was like every second sentence was about him. She finally fell asleep around dawn and I stayed on her couch. That's it. End of story. When Clark walked in, I had just taken a shower to wake myself up."

"Oh!" Chloe stared at him for a long moment. "You're a good friend, Bruce."

He smirked. "What are you kidding? I'm a fantastic friend."

"Gee, ego much?"

"Now there's the Chloe I know and admire," he grinned.

"Ha ha."

He put a hand dramatically on his chest. "Doomed to admire from afar, lest the big bad Luthor decide to eliminate the competition."

"Oh, you're a real riot, Wayne. Really. Ever consider a career as an actor? Seriously, you'd be a hit off Broadway. Way, way off."

"Everyone's a critic," he chuckled.

Chloe returned to Smallville, driving to the mansion.

"Lex?" she called, putting her car keys down on the hall table. Lex came down the stairs.

"Chloe," he said, smiling. "Uh, Clark's here. I came home and found him asleep in the den."

"Not any more," Clark said, leaning against the doorway. "You two don't have to hide from me," he said.

"Wait a minute," Chloe said, eyes widening. "You know?"

"Know what?" Lex asked, pretending innocence.

"Yes, I know," Clark said.

"Oh. So does anyone else know?" Lex asked.

"No," Clark returned. "But now that you know, that I know, I mean, shouldn't you be thinking of letting everyone else know, you know?"

Chloe frowned. "You lost me."

"Super hearing, Chloe. And don't think I was fooled for a second with all the play acting you've been doing."

"Oh! So, how much have you heard? Exactly?"

"Enough. And don't worry. I do know how to respect your privacy. So, how long?"

"How long what?" she asked.

"How long have you two been doing the ... you know."

"Since a couple of weeks before Christmas," Lex told him.

Clark blinked and stared at him.

"I knew you were up to something the morning I came over. I just knew it!"

"Well, congratulations, Clark. You found us out," Chloe said quietly. "Now, what are you going to do about Lois?"

"Nothing. She's made her choice."

"Nothing happened between her and Bruce last night. They just talked."

"Yeah, figures you'd take her side."

"I'm not taking sides, Clark," she told him firmly. "Bruce told me what happened."

"And you believe him?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact I do. Bruce may be a lot of things, but if there's one thing he isn't, it's someone who would sleep with another person who is clearly in love with someone else. He told me that all she could do was talk about you."

"Yeah, sure. That's why she slept with him."

"Are you deaf? I just told you, nothing happened." Clark just gave her a look which suggested he was going to stick to his own version of events. She sighed. "Fine. You know what, Clark? Be a stubborn ass. Lois loves you, you idiot. And she's not going to sleep with someone, because she's not that type of person. She might say something stupid, but when she gives her heart to something, or someone, she gives her whole heart. That's it. No holds barred. No questions asked. Now you ..."

"Excuse me, sirs, miss, but there is a telephone call for you, miss."

Chloe turned and looked at Enrique, who was holding out the phone for her.

"Who is it?"

"It's Mister Wayne, miss. He says it's urgent."

Chloe glanced at Lex, then at Clark, then nodded, taking the handset from Enrique. "Bruce?"

"Chloe, you need to come to Met Gen. It's Lois. She's been hurt."

Chloe looked up, seeing the colour drain from Clark's face, and she knew he'd heard everything. He was gone in a flash, leaving behind a breeze which blew her hair back from her face. Lex put a hand on her arm.

"What's wrong?"

"It's Lois. She's in the hospital."

Lex nodded. "Come on. We'll take the Porsche. You call Lana and Ollie on the way."

TO BE CONTINUED ...


	16. The One With The Morning After

**Episode Sixteen: The One With The Morning After**

Clark walked in to the Talon looking as if he had the weight of the entire world on his shoulders.

"Hi," he said glumly.

"Okay, who died," Chloe joked. Then she saw his face. He looked completely miserable. "Geez, who died."

"Lois ... Lois ..." If Chloe didn't know better, she would think he was going to cry.

"Sounds like Lois," Lana prompted.

"We ... we ..."

"Clark? What is it man?" Oliver said, going to his friend.

"We broke up," he said with a mournful moan.

"What?" Three voices spoke in unison.

"You broke up?" Lana asked. "What happened?"

"We had this horrible fight, and she said, she said maybe we should take a break, and then we ... took a break."

"Oh my god," Chloe said. "When ... what ... how ... when?"

"You said that," Oliver said quietly.

"Last night," Clark said, sinking down on the sofa. Lana put a comforting hand on his arm.

"I'll make you some coffee."

"Don't forget to put some Kryptonite in it," Clark added morosely.

"That's not funny," Chloe told him.

He turned watery green eyes on her. "Nothing about this is funny. I ... I just ended up walking around all night after I left the apartment."

"So you didn't get any sleep?" Oliver asked. "Why didn't you crash at my place? Where was Lois?"

"I think she's still at the apartment. Most of her things were there, I mean we'd practically moved in together, and now I don't know what to do. I can't go back to that apartment. I mean, we had our best times there."

"Of course you can't," Chloe said soothingly. "Maybe I could ask Lex, you know, if you could move into the mansion. I'm sure he wouldn't mind."

"I have a spare room at my penthouse," Oliver said. "You can crash there anytime, buddy."

"I don't want to go anywhere that Lois isn't ..."

"Lois isn't what?" Lex had come in. "Geez, who died?"

"Been there, done that, Lex," Chloe told him. "Lois and Clark broke up last night."

"Oh shit, man, I'm sorry. I mean, you and Lois, you're like ..." He clapped his hands together. "You know? So, where's Lois?"

Clark shrugged. "I guess at the apartment. I don't know."

"So you haven't called her?" Lana asked, handing him a cup of his favourite coffee blend.

Clark shook his head. "No."

Chloe picked up her phone. "Excuse me," she said.

Lex followed her outside. "What are you doing?"

"Calling Lois. Come on, Lex, she's probably hurting too."

"You know what this is going to do to the friendship dynamic, don't you?" he said.

"No, Lex, I don't know. But Lois is my cousin and Clark is my best friend and I can't just sit back and watch this sinking ship, okay?" She looked at him, brushing her fingers down his shirt. "Look, just go be with Clark. I think he needs you right now."

Just then, Clark walked out, His shirt was stained with coffee, but he didn't seem to notice.

"I'm going to sort this out," he said, his expression determined. Chloe frowned at him.

"Clark, do you really think that's a good idea?"

"I'm going," he said, his face resolute. Before Chloe could say anymore, he sped off, leaving Chloe and Lex to stare at each other.

"Just promise me something," Lex said slowly.

"What, Lex?"

"If we ever broke up, not that I'm saying we're going to, mind you, tell me you're not going to let me walk around with coffee stains on my shirt."

Chloe turned and kissed him softly.

"I promise you, Lex, whatever happens, I will always be totally honest with you. Brutally honest. And if you ever have coffee stains on your shirt, or any other stains for that matter, you will never have to worry that I'll let you make a fool of yourself."

"Just so we're clear, then."

"As crystal," she nodded.

Clark's speed must have been off since it took him a little longer than a minute to get to the city. It was another minute before he made it up the stairs to the apartment. He opened the door and walked in.

"Lois, we need to talk."

"Hello, Clark. It's been a while."

Clark gaped at Bruce. He'd just walked out of the bathroom, wearing nothing but a towel. And Lois came out of the bedroom with wet hair.

"Bruce, have you seen my ..." She stopped mid-sentence and froze in the centre of the room, staring at Clark. "It's not what it looks like."

"That's funny. Because what it looks like from here is you've got a half-naked man in our living room," Clark told her coldly.

"Well, if you want to get technical ..." she said, biting her lip.

"What's technical? Did you sleep with him?"

"Uh, maybe I should, uh, go change," Bruce said, going into the bedroom Lois had just come out of.

"Clark ..." Lois began.

"Answer the question, Lois. Did you, or did you not sleep with him?"

He could see Lois was thinking what to say. If the answer was no, it was already too late for a denial. He nodded.

"Yeah, that's what I thought." He turned and walked out again.

"Clark ..." she said, clearly trying to swallow a lump in her throat.

Bruce came out of the bedroom, dressed in dark pants and sweater. He put his arms around her.

"He didn't even give me a chance to explain," she said.

"Let me talk to him," he said.

"Maybe you shouldn't. If you value your limbs," she told him. "When Clark's that angry, he ..."

"What, is he Superman or something?" Bruce chuckled. But then he saw Lois' expression. "Oh god, he's Superman. Why the hell didn't I see it before?"

"Maybe for the same reason that he doesn't know you're Batman," she said quietly.

"You keep a lot of secrets, don't you, Little Lo?"

Despite her misery, Lois rolled her eyes. "Please, do not use that nickname. Only the General ever calls me that and he ..."

"Okay, okay. But Lois, listen to me. You didn't do anything wrong, okay? Clark just needs to give you a chance to explain, that's all."

Lex had just returned to the mansion from a meeting at the plant when he was stopped by Enrique.

"Sir, I'm sorry, but ... well, you have a guest. It seems Mr Kent ..."

"Where is he?" Lex asked.

"In the den, sir."

Lex immediately went to the den. Clark was sprawled on the leather couch, sound asleep. Lex turned to Enrique.

"Don't disturb him," he said. "Clark's had a rough night."

"Of course sir. Will there be anything else, sir?"

"No. Thank you."

Enrique gave him an odd look and Lex realised. He very rarely said 'thank you' to his servants.

"Huh," he said quietly to himself. "Chloe must be rubbing off on me."

Chloe, meanwhile, had received a call from Bruce. She met him in town, in the building they planned on renovating. She hadn't even told Lex what she and Bruce had been planning on doing.

She looked around the main room. The building itself was old and run down.

"Well, talk about your fixer-upper," she quipped.

"It has potential," Bruce said. "The dome itself ..."

Chloe looked up. The glass dome was covered in years of dust, but if it could be cleaned up, it would make an incredible feature. And she knew Clark would love it, given that his body acted as some kind of solar battery.

"Maybe ..." she said, eyeing it critically. "So, what's up?" she asked.

"Nothing."

"I know that look, Wayne. Believe me, I've seen it on Clark hundreds of times. Especially when he doesn't want to tell me something. Or when he's lying about something."

"It's no wonder you and Lex work so well," he observed dryly. "You're both incredibly nosy."

"Spill, Wayne."

"I was with Lois last night."

"And let me guess, Clark walked in and saw you in the apartment and ..."

"Got completely the wrong idea. Look, I've known Lois a long time. From the time she was a cute little girl with pigtails."

"Uh-huh," Chloe said sceptically.

Bruce lost the opportunity to say anymore as the realtor came in.

"So? What do you think?"

"We'll take it," Bruce said. "I expect to close escrow immediately. I'll have my accountant write you up a cheque."

"Uh, Mr Wayne ..." she began.

"Please," he said, turning on the full-scale Wayne charm. She was hooked immediately. "Call me Bruce." He handed her a business card with contact details for his accountant. She blushed and giggled.

"Thank you, Mr Wayne. My name's Mary Ellen."

He lifted her hand and kissed it. "Such a lovely name for a lovely woman."

She blushed again. Chloe grabbed his arm.

"All right, Romeo," she hissed. "Let's move. You're buying me coffee."

As soon as they sat down at a table at the local coffee shop, Chloe glared at him. Bruce avoided her glare. Ah, the power, Chloe thought, of being able to make grown men cry.

"Finish the story," she told him as the waitress put their coffees and biscotti down on the table.

"Like I was saying," he said, "I've known Lois a long time. And we've become good friends. But that's all. I have never slept with her. And trust me, a woman like Lois ..."

"Yeah, yeah. I had enough problems competing with Lana in high school. Really don't need to hear you singing Lois' praises as well."

Bruce put a hand on hers. "Chloe, don't get me wrong. Lois is a beautiful woman, but so are you. It takes more than just good looks, and believe me, you are a very beautiful young woman. Your intelligence, your humour, your maturity, your indomitable spirit ... those are highly attractive qualities. And if I was anyone else but who I am, then I would whisk you off to Gotham, wine and dine you and show you just how beautiful I think you are. And why are you looking at me like that."

Chloe sighed. "You had me at hello," she said dreamily.

He snapped his fingers in front of her face. "Chloe."

"Sorry," she said. "So, what happened last night?"

"I happened to be in town for the weekend. To meet with the realtor. And when Lois called me in near hysterics because she'd had a huge fight with Clark, I had to go over there. And we just talked most of the night. Trust me, Chloe, she is so hung up on Clark, it was like every second sentence was about him. She finally fell asleep around dawn and I stayed on her couch. That's it. End of story. When Clark walked in, I had just taken a shower to wake myself up."

"Oh!" Chloe stared at him for a long moment. "You're a good friend, Bruce."

He smirked. "What are you kidding? I'm a fantastic friend."

"Gee, ego much?"

"Now there's the Chloe I know and admire," he grinned.

"Ha ha."

He put a hand dramatically on his chest. "Doomed to admire from afar, lest the big bad Luthor decide to eliminate the competition."

"Oh, you're a real riot, Wayne. Really. Ever consider a career as an actor? Seriously, you'd be a hit off Broadway. Way, way off."

"Everyone's a critic," he chuckled.

Chloe returned to Smallville, driving to the mansion.

"Lex?" she called, putting her car keys down on the hall table. Lex came down the stairs.

"Chloe," he said, smiling. "Uh, Clark's here. I came home and found him asleep in the den."

"Not any more," Clark said, leaning against the doorway. "You two don't have to hide from me," he said.

"Wait a minute," Chloe said, eyes widening. "You know?"

"Know what?" Lex asked, pretending innocence.

"Yes, I know," Clark said.

"Oh. So does anyone else know?" Lex asked.

"No," Clark returned. "But now that you know, that I know, I mean, shouldn't you be thinking of letting everyone else know, you know?"

Chloe frowned. "You lost me."

"Super hearing, Chloe. And don't think I was fooled for a second with all the play acting you've been doing."

"Oh! So, how much have you heard? Exactly?"

"Enough. And don't worry. I do know how to respect your privacy. So, how long?"

"How long what?" she asked.

"How long have you two been doing the ... you know."

"Since a couple of weeks before Christmas," Lex told him.

Clark blinked and stared at him.

"I knew you were up to something the morning I came over. I just knew it!"

"Well, congratulations, Clark. You found us out," Chloe said quietly. "Now, what are you going to do about Lois?"

"Nothing. She's made her choice."

"Nothing happened between her and Bruce last night. They just talked."

"Yeah, figures you'd take her side."

"I'm not taking sides, Clark," she told him firmly. "Bruce told me what happened."

"And you believe him?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact I do. Bruce may be a lot of things, but if there's one thing he isn't, it's someone who would sleep with another person who is clearly in love with someone else. He told me that all she could do was talk about you."

"Yeah, sure. That's why she slept with him."

"Are you deaf? I just told you, nothing happened." Clark just gave her a look which suggested he was going to stick to his own version of events. She sighed. "Fine. You know what, Clark? Be a stubborn ass. Lois loves you, you idiot. And she's not going to sleep with someone, because she's not that type of person. She might say something stupid, but when she gives her heart to something, or someone, she gives her whole heart. That's it. No holds barred. No questions asked. Now you ..."

"Excuse me, sirs, miss, but there is a telephone call for you, miss."

Chloe turned and looked at Enrique, who was holding out the phone for her.

"Who is it?"

"It's Mister Wayne, miss. He says it's urgent."

Chloe glanced at Lex, then at Clark, then nodded, taking the handset from Enrique. "Bruce?"

"Chloe, you need to come to Met Gen. It's Lois. She's been hurt."

Chloe looked up, seeing the colour drain from Clark's face, and she knew he'd heard everything. He was gone in a flash, leaving behind a breeze which blew her hair back from her face. Lex put a hand on her arm.

"What's wrong?"

"It's Lois. She's in the hospital."

Lex nodded. "Come on. We'll take the Porsche. You call Lana and Ollie on the way."

TO BE CONTINUED ...


	17. The One With The Morning After Continued

**Episode Seventeen: The One With The Morning After**

"Lois, you need to stay in the hospital." Bruce sighed as Lois tried to get out of bed to look for her clothes. He stopped her by holding onto her arms and forcing her back down.

"It's just a little bump on the head, Bruce. Stop being such a worrywart. You're as bad as Smallville."

"It was more than a bump on the head. You were out for twenty minutes. You are not leaving this bed."

Lois glared at Bruce resolutely. "Oh yeah? And who's going to stop me? You? Like to see you try."

"Try what?"

Lois looked at the door and sighed. "Smallville! Shoulda known." She glared once more at Bruce. He raised his hands.

"Don't look at me. I just called Chloe. It's not my fault if he overheard."

"I hate you," she growled.

Bruce sighed in resignation. "Fine, Lane. But it's your goddamn funeral!" He strode out, glancing at Clark as he left. Clark scowled at him, then looked at Lois.

"Are you okay?"

"Clark, I'm fine. Just a little bump on the noggin. Nothing I haven't had before."

"What happened?"

"I was out talking with a source about the story and we got jumped. That's it. Period. End of sentence."

"Lois, you don't have to be so brave about this."

She leaned back against the pillows. Truth was, her head was pounding as if someone was using a jackhammer on it, and she just wanted peace and quiet. And it didn't help that her boyfriend was hovering over her. Or ex-boyfriend. She bit her lip. She hadn't wanted to fight with him, but it just seemed like all they ever did lately was fight.

He was staring at her, giving her the old 'Kent thousand yard stare'. She clutched at the bedclothes.

"Smallville, are you x-raying me? What have I told you about you x-raying me?"

"Er ..." His eyes widened. "Lois, you have a crack in your skull."

"It's just a teeny tiny fracture. It's nothing."

"But you could bleed out, or build up pressure in your brain, or something."

"Geez, drama queen much?" she said. "Clark, stop! I'm fine. Except for a pounding migraine."

"You're my girlfriend. I worry about you."

"Right now, Clark, I don't know what I am." She sighed. "Look, I get that you worry about me. You worry about everyone. But you can't mollycoddle me. You can't wrap me up in cotton. Because sometimes you do that and it's so tight that I can't breathe. I'm a reporter, Clark. And even if you weren't Superman, I'd still do it. And do you know why? Because it's my job. And I love my job."

"I just ... I hate the thought of you getting hurt because I'm not there."

"Clark, I understand that. I do. But the thing is, you just have to get used to the fact that you can't be there for me all the time. I mean, what are you going to do if there's a major disaster on the other side of the world? I mean, I grew up with a father who put his duty before his family. It's not that I liked it, or even understood it. I hated it, you know? But that's who he is. And I can't change that. And I can't change the fact that you have a destiny far greater than just being with me. I can accept that. You're the one who has a problem with it."

There was a knock on the door and the nurse came in, carrying Lois' notes.

"Excuse me, Miss Lane, but I need to take your obs." She looked at Clark pointedly. He sighed and turned to leave.

"I'll be just outside if you need anything," he told Lois. She waved him away.

Clark felt as if the world was coming to an end as he stumbled out into the corridor, not even looking where he was going. He wasn't aware of company until he bumped into Bruce.

"Whoa, Kent. You should look where you're going. It's like trying to move a mountain."

"Get out of my way, Wayne," Clark growled. "Don't even try to pretend that you want to help. Not after last night."

"Yeah, that's right," Bruce said. "You won't even listen to her side of the story, will you? You're so stuck on your own version of events that you're not even prepared to meet her halfway."

"Hey, she broke up with me!"

"From what Lois told me, you were the one who walked out, rather than really face what was going on. And you know what? No one could blame her for wanting to seek comfort from someone else. Even if that someone was me. Someone she's known since she was a kid."

"What the hell would you know?"

"I know when Lois is in pain. And I don't mean physically. She's like Sam. She's stubborn. And she doesn't like admitting when she's in the wrong about something. I know her. But what I don't know is you and why she would stick with someone who clearly doesn't understand what Lois Lane is all about."

"So what are you saying? That you would be better for her?"

"No Kent. What I'm saying is, you have a lot to learn about Lois Lane. She's a tough lady, but that's because she's learned to be. And yes, she takes risks in her job. Because that's all she knows."

"And I don't?"

Bruce pulled Clark into an empty room.

"Look, Clark, I know that you love her. But do you really want a girlfriend who is dependent on you for everything? Think about this for a second. Lois is a girl for the twenty-first century. She's not Donna Reed, okay?"

"Who?" Clark stared at him, puzzled.

"She's an actress from a fifties sitcom, and all her character does is take care of the house and the kids. Is that what you want from Lois?"

"God no. She'd kill me first."

"Then why are you riding her for doing something she loves? Yes, she takes chances. But she wouldn't be Lois if she didn't. You can't protect her twenty-four seven. It's impossible. You would wear yourself out."

Clark wanted to hear what Bruce was saying. It was exactly as Lois had said. But he was still stuck on the idea that Bruce had slept with her. He remembered the guilty look on Lois' face that morning.

"You still slept with her," Clark said stubbornly.

"Jesus, you sound like a broken record. Let me make one thing perfectly clear to you, all right? Lois and I talked. Just talked. And she fell asleep on me. I picked her up and carried her to the bedroom, and put her to bed. That's it. That's all that happened. You can choose to believe me or not, but I don't lie about these things. Lois is a beautiful woman, but she's like a sister to me. And I would never sleep with someone who is clearly in love with someone else. Even if he is a jackass who can't see what's right in front of him."

"Yeah, well you know, sometimes I wish I could just have a normal relationship. You know, with a girlfriend who isn't getting into mortal danger all the time!"

Meanwhile, Chloe and Lex had made it to the hospital and were waiting outside while the nurse finished. Lois was grumbling when Chloe went in.

"Bruce called me," Chloe said before Lois could say a word.

"I know," Lois said. "And I'm fine. He worried you over nothing."

"Lois, you have a fractured skull. How is that nothing?"

"It's just a little teeny tiny crack," Lois said, lifting her hand and demonstrating with her thumb and forefinger, clearly looking a bit loopy. Then again, she had just been dosed up with painkillers. "Good thing I'm hard-headed," she said with a lopsided smirk.

Lex came in, after talking with the nurse to ascertain the seriousness of Lois' condition. Lois watched hazily as he put his arm around Chloe's waist. And Chloe didn't seem to mind.

"Oh!" she said, her eyes widening. "Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh my god. You two? You're really ..."

"Ssh, Lois, pipe down. No one knows yet."

"Well, except Clark," Lex said, rolling his eyes. "And god knows it's impossible keeping anything from him anyway."

"Oh my god, oh my god, you guys!" Lois looked as if she wanted to cry.

"Oh now, don't start blubbering," Lex groaned. "You know I can't stand crying women!"

Chloe glared at him. "You're pushing it Luthor."

"But you're different," he quickly amended, averting his eyes.

"Yeah, nice save Luthor," Lois said, fighting a yawn.

"You should really get some rest," Chloe told her softly.

"Mm-hmm. Oh no, wait, I was going to ..."

"Get some rest," Chloe said, leaning forward and kissing her cousin on the forehead. Lois was already asleep by the time she straightened up.

They tiptoed out, reassured that Lois was going to be okay. Clark and Bruce were waiting in the corridor.

"I just talked to the doc," Bruce said. "They're just keeping her overnight for observation. She'll be fine. Lois is hard-headed."

"Yeah, you're telling us."

"Look, you guys go home, get some rest. I'm sorry I worried you."

"No Bruce," Chloe said. "I'm glad you told me. I would have been madder if you'd told me after the fact."

"What she said," Lex said, nodding at Chloe. "Listen, we might as well go out to dinner. It's pretty late, but I'm sure we can get a table. I was thinking we could stay at the penthouse anyway," he said, looking at Chloe. "It's too late to drive back to Smallville and I have an early meeting in the morning."

"Fine by me," she smiled. "Want to join us, Clark?"

"Oh, um, no, I uh ..." He looked desperately at Chloe, unaware that Bruce already knew his secret.

"Oh, you probably want to be alone. Process things," she said, nodding, nudging Lex, who also nodded his understanding.

"Yeah, why don't you go on home, Clark. You probably want to call Lana and Ollie and let them know what's happened anyway."

Clark nodded. "Thanks. I'll see you." He nodded again at Bruce and walked away.

It was late when he returned to the apartment and he was exhausted. There were messages on the answering machine, but he was too tired to pick up them up. He jumped in the shower, dumping his suit on the floor of the bathroom, then fell into bed.

"Honey, are you getting up? It's six-thirty."

"Wha?" he mumbled, rubbing his eyes. It felt like he had just gone to sleep.

Lois walked into the room. She was dressed like a woman in the fifties with a shirtwaist dress and a rope of pearls around her neck. An apron was tied around her waist. She pulled back the bedclothes.

"Smallville, it's time to get up," she trilled. "You don't want to be late for work, do you?"

"Uh, no, Lois, of course not. Um, what are you doing here? I thought you'd be in the hospital?"

Lois frowned. "The hospital? Now why would I be in the hospital honey?"

"You had an accident yesterday. Remember? You got hurt talking to a source?"

Lois laughed gaily. "Oh Clark, you're so silly. Now come on, I'm cooking you breakfast. Did you want scrambled or sunnyside up?"

Scrambled? It sounded like somebody's brains were scrambled. Clark sat up, realising with a start that he was wearing flannel pyjamas. Something he hadn't worn since he was in grade school. He'd always worn a t-shirt and boxers to bed. Or he was naked.

Something else was different. There was no king size bed anymore. There were two beds in the room. Both no bigger than the bed he'd had growing up.

Lois went into the bathroom.

"Is everything okay, Lois?" he called out.

"Peachy keen," she twittered. Then he heard a gasp. "Oh Clark," she said, coming out of the bathroom holding his Superman suit. "Really, were you raised in a barn?" She tut-tutted at him, opening the clothes hamper in the corner and dumping the suit in.

"Now hurry and get dressed, honey," she said. "And put your pyjamas in the hamper. I'm doing the laundry today."

She went back out. Clark sat there, dumbfounded. I'm in the Twilight Zone, he thought. No, I'm in Pleasantville.

Lois was calling out to someone.

"Clark Junior, Ella, are you two coming to breakfast? You really don't want to be late for school."

Clark blinked rapidly. "Clark Junior and Ella?"

"Coming Mom," two very young voices called out.

When did we have kids? Clark asked himself, shaking his head.

He had no idea how he got through breakfast, which was surprisingly good. Somewhere along the way, Lois had learned to cook. And even he had to admit, it was better than his mom's. Which was saying something.

Lois stood at the door, holding it open and smiling widely. She kissed him on the cheek, then kissed both children, who were miniature versions of their parents, as they left.

"Now don't be late for supper," she trilled. "I'm making pot roast."

Dazed, Clark found himself walking to work. Everything else looked the same. The cars were all modern. It was only Lois who seemed to have regressed. He super-sped to Lex's office in Luthorcorp tower. Lex, as always, was happy to see him.

"Lex," Clark said, sounding breathless.

"Everything okay, Clark?"

"No, it's not," he said. "Lois is acting, well, not herself. I tried to call Chloe, but she wasn't answering. Do you know where she is?"

"Of course, Clark. She's where she always is. In Smallville. Taking care of the house. And the children."

"What? No, that can't be right. Chloe has a job. Working for Bruce."

Lex chuckled. "Get out of the wrong side of bed this morning?" he asked. "You're acting even stranger than usual, Clark."

"No, this is ... something's not right here. Last night, Lois was in the hospital and this morning I woke up in the middle of a fifties sitcom."

Concerned, Lex got up, grabbing Clark's shoulders. He pried Clark's eyes open with his fingers.

"It can't be green Kryptonite. You usually get sick with that. Red? No, that wouldn't work either. Yellow? No, that can't be it. Pink?"

"Pink Kryptonite? There's no such thing as pink Kryptonite," Clark scoffed.

"Well, of course there is," Lex huffed. "Don't you remember? Last year? You found some pink stuff and thought you had the hots for Oliver."

"Wait a minute, wait a minute. Pink Kryptonite turns me gay?"

"Temporarily, at least. We had a terrible time getting you to stop stalking Oliver. Drove us all nuts. Okay, so it's not pink. Maybe it's black. No, that wouldn't work either. That just separates you into two personalities."

"Lex will you cut it out?" Clark said, pulling away as Lex tried to examine him more closely. "I haven't been anywhere near any Kryptonite. I'm telling you, this world's gone loopy." His eyes widened. "Maybe ... maybe this is like using the Kryptonian mirror. Yeah, I ended up in an alternate universe."

"Are you insane? There is no such thing as an alternate universe."

Clark sighed. "He'll believe in Artificial Intelligence, aliens from outer space, but he won't believe in alternate universes."

"I'll have you know I can believe in six impossible things before breakfast," Lex snorted. He glanced at his watch. "Which is right about now. Want some? I can order some pancakes."

"I just ate," Clark said.

"You always eat second breakfast," Lex said, looking offended.

"Uh, not today, Lex. I have a headache."

He walked out, wondering what he'd done differently to make everything change. He began going over the events of the night before. Lois was in the hospital, and nothing had happened while he was in her room. Then Bruce had tried to lecture him and he ...

"_Yeah, well you know, sometimes I wish I could just have a normal relationship. You know, with a girlfriend who isn't getting into mortal danger all the time!"_

Clark sighed. "Zatanna!"

"You called?"

Clark whirled, looking around at the pretty brunette.

"Change it back," he said.

"Come on, Clark, you know how it works. You have to not want it anymore."

"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't strangle you with my bare hands," he growled, stepping toward her.

"Be careful what you wish for, Clark," she smirked. And with a puff of wind, she was gone.

Clark sat up in bed with a start. He glanced at the clock on the bedside. It was two in the morning. He'd only been asleep for an hour. Switching on the bedside lamp, he saw to his relief that there was only a kingsize bed in the room. And no Lois.

He quickly felt his body. He'd fallen asleep naked and he was still naked. He fell back against the pillows. It had been just a dream.

"_Be careful what you wish for,"_ she'd said.

The dream had told him one thing. He would never be happy with a Lois who never took chances. She wouldn't be his Lois if she wasn't the feisty, tough, brilliant woman that she was. She wasn't afraid to jump right in and do whatever it took to get the job done.

Next morning, he returned to Lois' bedside.

"I've been a jackass," he said.

"About what?" she asked.

"Everything. You're right. I have been over-protective. I should have trusted you to know what you were getting into."

Lois sighed. "I appreciate the apology, Clark, but I guess I have one of my own to make. I haven't been all that considerate of your feelings. I guess, in a way, I've kind of been envious, because you have all these super powers, and you're invulnerable and everything. And it's made me jump in without a net, you know? From now on, I'm going to look before I leap. Okay?"

Clark smiled. "Okay. And I promise not to rag on you too much. Deal?"

"Deal," she said.

He sat on her bed and held her hand. Lois lay back against the pillows, feeling better than she had in a while. They still had issues, but now they could at least talk it out.

Of course, she still had to tell Clark her biggest secret. She just wasn't sure how he was going to react when he found out he was going to be a father.


	18. The One Where Everyone Finds Out

**Episode Eighteen: The One Where Everyone Finds Out ... Everything**

Lois' injury was the topic of discussion in the Talon the next day. Lex had finished with his meetings early and he'd driven back to Smallville with Chloe that afternoon. They stopped in the Talon. Lana looked up.

"Hey, we were just talking about you two," she said.

"No, we weren't," Oliver said, leaning on the counter. "We were talking about Lois and her little accident."

"Well, they were there!" Lana pointed out. "How is she?"

"Oh, she'll be back to her usual grouchy self in no time," Lex said, grunting in pain as Chloe elbowed him in the ribs. "What was that for?"

"As if you didn't know," Chloe said, glaring at him.

"Well, Lois can be a grouch sometimes," he defended.

Clark chose that moment to enter. Alone.

"Where's Lois?" Chloe asked.

"Bruce is taking her home."

"And you're okay with this?" Oliver asked.

Clark looked at his friend. "Do I look like I'm okay with this? But I'm giving her some space, okay?"

"Fine!" Oliver said. "No need to get testy!"

"Sorry. I just didn't sleep very well last night. Bad dreams."

They all sat on the couches, drinking coffee. Clark sighed, looking very depressed. Even after they'd talked earlier that morning, Lois was still keeping him at arms' length and he wanted to know why. How many times did he need to apologise for screwing things up.

Lex decided he couldn't stand the depressing mood and got up.

"I've got some work to do," he said. Chloe got up to follow him, then glanced at their friends. Lana and Oliver were looking at her strangely.

"Oh, I just, um, left something at the mansion," she said. "Lex stopped by there on the way in."

The others looked at each other as Chloe followed Lex out.

"Okay, those two are just getting weirder and weirder," Oliver said. "Hey Clark, do you notice Chloe and Lex ..."

"No," Clark said, a little too quickly.

Oliver leaned over. "Do you know something we don't?" he asked.

"No," Clark returned.

"Yeah, we can totally tell you're lying Kent. Are those two seeing each other?" Lana asked.

"Well, I ... uh, Lana ..."

"I knew it." Lana looked thoughtful for a moment. "They kept this from us. This is ... this is huge! And they totally kept it from us. How could they do that?"

"You know what we should do," Oliver said. "I mean, they don't know that we know, you know? So maybe we should, you know, play with them a little."

"Why, Mr Queen, are you suggesting a little subterfuge?" Lana asked, batting her eyelashes.

"Why, yes I am, Miss Lang," he grinned.

"Oh god," Clark moaned. "Whatever you're planning, just leave me out of it, okay?"

"Sure, Clark. Whatever you say."

The two of them began making plans. Clark sighed. The last thing he wanted to do was get caught in the middle. But the cat was pretty much out of the bag now and he had little choice. If he told Chloe and Lex that the other two knew, he would be accused of spilling the secret. If he didn't tell them, then Chloe and Lex would later be mad at him for not saying anything. It was just a lose-lose situation.

He didn't have time to brood over it though as Bruce came in with Lois.

"I thought you'd be staying in the city?" he asked.

"That's you r apartment, Smallville," Lois said, looking tired. She smiled wanly up at Bruce. "Thanks."

"Can I get you anything?" he asked.

"Just some ice water would be nice, thanks."

He smiled. "Coming right up." He went to the counter and spoke to the girl there.

Lois looked at Lana and Ollie, who both had their heads together.

"What's up with those two?" she asked.

"No idea," Clark lied and Lois narrowed her eyes. She'd always been able to catch him in a lie. But she was too tired to care.

Bruce came back with the ice water and she sipped it gratefully. She still had no idea how to tell Clark her news. And the last thing she wanted was to get into a fight with him. She knew he was wondering why she'd kept him at arms' length, but the truth was, she didn't want him x-raying her or learning about her little 'space invader' until she was ready to tell him.

"So when are you going to be ready?" she said to herself.

Part of the problem was, she wasn't sure if she wanted a baby. She'd only just got her career off the ground. Working at the Daily Planet with Clark might not have been a childhood dream of hers. It had been Chloe's but not hers. But it was as she had told Clark. She had finally found something she was good at, something that made her feel like she was making a difference. And she didn't want to give that up.

When the doctor had told her the night before that she was pregnant, Lois had been totally stunned. She loved Clark. She really did. But with the way things had been in their relationship lately, she wasn't sure if it could stand any more surprises.

Lois put down her ice water and stood up, careful not to get up too fast.

"I'm going to go up to bed," she said. Bruce immediately stood up to help her. As did Clark. A look passed between the two men and Lois sighed. Bruce was her friend. Nothing more. Yet Clark was still acting jealous.

"Want any help?" Clark asked.

"No," she told him, with a glance at Bruce to tell him to back off as well. "I'm just gonna get some sleep."

"Okay," Clark said, with a little smile. "If you need anything, though ..."

"I'll call, I promise," she said, grateful that Clark was backing off and not being too over-protective. Clearly the talk they'd had that morning had had some positive effect.

Clark watched Lois go up to bed, in the tiny apartment upstairs. She still looked pale and he wondered if she should have left the hospital so soon. But he figured a good night's sleep would probably help.

Lex and Chloe came back a little while later and Lana and Oliver put their plan into action. Lex asked for a coffee, standing at the counter waiting for it.

"I'll do it," Lana said, jumping up quickly and taking over from the waitress.

Lex smiled at her, thinking she was behaving a little strangely. He was even more perplexed when he felt her hand deliberately brush his ass. She began flirting with him, and rather badly, as she made his coffee.

"There you go," she said, handing him his coffee. "Sexy Lexy," she added.

Uh, what? Lex thought.

Lana leaned over the counter. She had undone the top buttons of her blouse, showing her cleavage. Lana wasn't flat-chested by any means, but she wasn't big either. Lex was puzzled by this behaviour.

Chloe, meanwhile, was sitting on the couch with Oliver's arm around her, while she talked to Bruce. She too, had seen Lana's odd behaviour. Lana had never flirted with Lex before. She looked from Lana to Oliver.

Oh, noooo! she thought. She glanced at Clark, but he refused to look at her. Oh, you are so dead, Kent, she thought. It was pretty obvious from his behaviour that he knew what was up.

Chloe got up, shaking Oliver off and went up to the counter, glancing at Lex.

"Clark, you, me, alley. Now!"

She knew Clark had heard because he lifted his head and looked around. Chloe nodded her head at Lex, gesturing for him to follow. She went out, pacing in the alley.

"What's wrong?" Lex asked, when he joined her a few seconds later.

"Notice how weird Lana's acting?" she asked him.

"Yeah."

"I think they know."

"Wait, how do you know?"

"Maybe because a certain someone who goes by the name of Superman told them!"

"I didn't," Clark said, coming out. "I swear I didn't!"

"Then how do you explain it?"

"Aw come on," Clark protested. "It's not like the two of you haven't been obvious about it. And frankly, I don't want to be caught in the middle of this."

"So they don't know that we know that they know?" Chloe asked.

"Well, if they don't figure it out when they realise all three of us are out here, then I'd say the answer's no."

"Then again, Oliver's never been all that bright," Lex said.

"Just because you're an evil genius," Clark returned.

Chloe bit her lip thoughtfully. "Hmm!"

"What are you thinking?" Lex asked her.

"Well, since they thought they could play with us, then I think it's time we got our own back."

Clark sighed. "Oh no! I can't believe you guys. Can't you just tell them the truth?"

"Where's the fun in that?" Chloe returned.

"It would make my life a whole lot easier," Clark groaned.

"Well, if you could learn to keep a secret, Kent, then we wouldn't have this problem."

"I can keep a secret," Clark hissed at Lex. "About things that matter."

"Puh-leeze! You think it didn't take me long to figure out you were one of the super-powered persuasion? You have always been a terrible liar, Kent. That's half your problem."

"Fine. I'm a terrible liar. But they still figured it out for themselves. Don't blame me for this!"

Clark turned and walked away from them, huffing angrily. Chloe and Lex looked at each other. Chloe bit her lip.

"He's got a point."

"I guess we were being a little obvious," Lex admitted.

"Maybe he's right. Maybe we should just come clean with them."

Lex looked at her. "You sure you want to do this?"

"They're our friends, Lex. And they kind of have been rooting for us anyway."

Lex nodded, then took her hand, squeezing it gently. "Okay, let's go, then."

Lana pounced on Lex as soon as they walked back in.

"So, I was thinking ... " she began.

"You can forget the games, Lana. Chloe and I have a little announcement to make."

Oliver, still sitting on the couch, looked up at them. Clark was nowhere to be found. Lex guessed he'd taken off back to the city.

"Chloe and I are ... "

"We're dating," Chloe finished.

"More than that," Lex said, lifting her hand to kiss it. "I'm in love with this woman."

Chloe turned and stared, wide-eyed at him. "You are?" Lex smiled down at her.

"Yes. Deeply, irrevocably."

"Oh my god," she breathed. "I love you too."

"Wow!" Lana said. "We just thought you guys were doing it. We didn't think you were in love! This is so cool!"

The four of them talked long into the night. Chloe and Lex sat together, holding hands. So far, they hadn't discussed the future, but there was still time.

Clark tossed and turned that night in his apartment, missing Lois. He wanted to pick up the phone and call her, but he didn't want to disturb her. He had thought about flying to the Talon and hovering outside the apartment, but he knew Lois would interpret it as him being over-protective again. He couldn't help it. He'd got used to sleeping beside her the last few months and now there was just an empty space beside him. It hurt his heart to think that Lois might not want him in her life that way again.

Giving up on sleep, Clark decided to go out on patrol. But even that didn't provide any satisfaction. It seemed that people in the city were behaving themselves for once and there was very little for Clark to do.

At three in the morning, Clark returned home, having flown around the world twice. He stopped off in Australia to help people caught in floods in Queensland and helped ease up a traffic jam in London. But he was still not sleepy when he got back.

Clark wasn't the only one who couldn't sleep. Lois had slept for the first couple of hours, but the rest of the night she'd spent tossing and turning. Thinking back to when the doctor had announced her pregnancy.

He'd guessed she was about one month along. And there had been that one night when Lois had forgotten to take her pill. Clark had used a condom, of course, as he always did. But Lois had had a little too much to drink that night. Valentine's Day. Lois had never really taken the holiday that seriously, but then again, she'd never been with someone she loved on that particular day before.

Clark had taken her to a nice restaurant and they had had a nice time, talking about anything but work. And Lois had been drinking wine, getting a little tipsy, envying Clark for his super-human metabolism. Clark didn't have to worry about getting drunk, or the hangover either.

When they'd finally made it back to the apartment, Lois had practically jumped him and they'd made love all night long. And the best part of it had been that she hadn't had a hangover next morning. She wasn't sure if it had been the sex or Clark, but if she could bottle it, she was sure it would make a great hangover remedy. Then again, she'd be nuts to share him with the rest of the world.

With a sigh, Lois got up and went to make herself a cup of hot cocoa. There would be no coffee for a while. That was if she decided to keep the baby. As she waited for the milk to warm, she realised it wasn't a decision she could make on her own. Clark had a right to know.

At six, Lois got up and padded barefoot into the kitchen. She picked up the phone, hesitating, then took a deep breath. She dialled the number.

"Hi, it's me," she said, unsurprised to find it was picked up on the first ring. "Can you come over?"

She sat down on the couch, knowing it wouldn't be long before she had a visitor. Sure enough, less than a minute later, he was knocking on the outer door. She got up to open it.

"Is everything okay?" Clark asked, as he came in and sat beside her.

"No, it's really not. Clark, we need to talk."

"Look, if it's about yesterday, I thought we talked through all this. I promised I wouldn't be over-protective and I backed off when you wanted me to. I ..." She shushed him, placing a finger on his lips.

"It's not about that," she said. "Well, it is, but ... look, I've been tossing and turning most of the night trying to figure out how to tell you this."

Clark frowned. "Tell me what? You want to break up for good? Is that what you want? Because, you know I can change."

Lois sighed and shook her head. "I thought I was the one who tended to jump to conclusions."

Clark shrugged and smiled. "Guess not."

"Clark ... " Oh crap, she thought. Might just as well get this over with. "I'm pregnant."

Clark sat there, staring into space, not saying a word. Lois waited for him to blink or say something, for more than a minute. Then she snapped her fingers in his face.

"Earth to Clark!"

"Huh?" He blinked at her. "What did you just say?"

"I'm pregnant!"

"How ... who ... what ... when ... how ... "

"Well, I think you know the how, and the who. The when, well, I'm thinking Valentine's Day. And you're freaking out."

"Valentine's? Wasn't that the night you got d-drunk and we ... all night."

"Yep."

"But I used ... "

"I know."

Clark's eyes widened, as if he was remembering. "You didn't ..."

"It shouldn't have mattered anyway," she said. "But no birth control is completely foolproof."

"Where does it say that?" Clark asked. "I mean, all those commercials ... Shouldn't they put that on the box?"

Clark went to the bathroom and grabbed the box of condoms. He read.

"Not 100 percent effective. Well, they should put it in huge black letters. And maybe they should also say, oh, be careful not to get your girlfriend so drunk she forgets to take her birth control pill."

"Well, you know, while they're at it, maybe they should also have a disclaimer like – 'may not be effective against alien super sperm'."

"Intergalactic traveller," Clark told her.

"Whatever, Smallville!"

Clark sank down on the couch. "Crap!"

"Yeah, you said it," she sighed.

Clark looked at her, seeing the doubt in her eyes. "Do you even ... I mean, do you want this baby?"

"I don't know. I wish I could say yes, but I just don't know. I mean, I just got my career on track. I don't know what a baby will do to that."

"Don't I get a say in this?" he asked.

"Clark, of course you do. That's why I called you here. I mean, this baby doesn't just affect my life, it affects yours too, and I ..."

An odd expression crossed her face. Clark frowned. "Lois?"

"Ow!"

"What?"

"Cramp! Oh god," she said, clutching her stomach. "It hurts, Clark."

"I'm taking you to the hospital, right now."

Lois clutched his arm. "Clark, what if ... I mean, this baby's half, you know, Kryptonian."

"Right now, I'm more concerned about you," he said, lifting her in his arms.

Within seconds, he was outside Smallville Medical Centre. He yelled for a nurse.

"I need some help here," he said.

The nurse came out. "What is it?"

"She just got hit by some bad stomach cramps. She's pregnant."

"Okay, follow me," the nurse said, leading Clark to an examination cubicle.

It was a while before the doctor examined her. Clark had considered going to get Emil Hamilton but he hadn't wanted to leave Lois. She lay on the bed, doubled up, groaning in pain, clutching his hand.

He looked up when the doctor came in.

"Miss Lane, Mr Kent. I hear you've been having some stomach cramps. How far along are you?"

"About a month. Five weeks, give or take," Clark said.

"Any bleeding?"

"Uh, we didn't check."

"It's fine. Miss Lane, do you want your boyfriend to stay while I check you over?"

"Yes," she said faintly. "Please."

He lifted the sheet. "Okay, let's have a looksee."

Clark continued to hold her hand while the doctor did a vaginal exam.

"Well, there's no bleeding, so I don't think it's a miscarriage." He looked thoughtful. "I could order an ultrasound," he said.

Clark and Lois looked at each other. "Umm, can we talk about this for a minute?"

"Don't worry, an ultrasound is perfectly safe," the doctor said.

"Just give us a minute, okay doc?" Lois said.

As soon as the doctor was gone she turned to Clark. "What if the baby's, you know, bigger than normal?" She paused, thinking. "Hey, can you use your vision thingy?"

"What? My x-ray?"

"That, or what did you call it?"

"My microvision?"

"Yeah, that. That's a stupid name, by the way."

"Hey, it's my power and I'll call it whatever I like!"

"Whatever! Big baby! And stop pouting!"

"I'm not pouting!"

They began bickering back and forth but were quickly interrupted by the nurse wheeling someone in. A woman in her ninth month of pregnancy. And she was huge! Lois' eyes nearly bugged out.

"Whoa!"

As they watched, the woman began yelling in pain. "Oh god, it's coming, it's coming."

"Hold on, honey, the doctor ..."

She grabbed the man, who must be her husband, by the collar. "Forget the damn doctor. I want the drugs and I want 'em now!"

"It's a little late for that Mrs Hicks," the nurse said. "Mr Hicks, would you mind helping me get your wife to the bed."

Lois watched, eyes wide as the pregnant woman was helped to the bed. She began screaming again.

"I need to push!"

The couple were suddenly surrounded by doctors and nurses.

Lois turned to Clark. "See, I don't know if I can do that. I don't know if I can put my body through that. I mean, your figure's never the same, and you're never alone when they're born. We'd never have a life."

"Well, you do make some valid points, but ..."

There was a scream of pain from the other bed and the woman gave a loud groan. Then there was a loud squalling.

"I don't think I ... aww!" Lois watched in awe as the baby was placed in its mother's arms. And it seemed as if the woman had forgotten all the pain she'd just been through. The father was by her side, holding her hand and looking at their baby as if it was the most precious thing on Earth.

Lois touched a hand to her stomach. "Oh, Clark!" she said, her voice choked with emotion. "We're going to have one of those!"

"Yeah, we are," he said softly. "And whatever happens, I'll be with you every step of the way. I promise. Not even an earthquake or a typhoon could stop me being there for you and our child."

"Then let's do it," she said. "Let's have this baby. I mean, we've got eight months to work out all the kinks, right? We'll adjust, won't we?"

"Of course we will," he said, smiling at her.

She lay back, then frowned. "Hey Clark?"

"What is it Lois?"

"The cramps are gone."

When they finally made it back to the Talon, they could see all their friends inside. Clark paused at the door. "You sure you want to tell them?"

"They're going to find out eventually. Better sooner than later."

"Yeah." He held the door open for her and followed her inside.

The others looked up at them.

"Hey, where have you two been?" Chloe asked. She was snuggled up to Lex's side and it was very clear that the others knew the truth about the relationship.

"Smallville MC," Clark said, his arm around Lois' shoulders.

Chloe immediately stood up. "Wait. Lois, are you okay?"

Lois and Clark looked at each other. There was no time like the right time.

"I'm fine, Chloe. Uh, I just had a little ... um, Clark and I are ... we're going to have a baby."

Stunned expressions greeted them.

"No way!" Oliver said finally.

Clark nodded. "Yup. Lois is pregnant."

Chloe whooped, moving around the couch to hug her cousin. Lana was next.

"Wow, that's ... awesome!" she said. "Considering Clark never thought he'd ever get to be a dad."

Lois looked at him. "Clark, is that true?"

"Well," he said, with a little shrug. "Yes, but what was more important was how you were feeling."

She frowned at him. "You know, you and I are going to need to work on our communication skills. Preferably before Clarkie is born."

"We're not calling the kid Clarkie," he said sternly.

"Fine! Clark Junior then," she said. And Clark had a bad flashback to that ridiculous dream.

"No way is any kid of mine going to be called Clark Junior," he growled. "Considering that's usually the name you give, well ..." He looked down. Lois laughed at him.

"You are such a prude sometimes, Smallville!"

They continued to bicker as they sat down, much to the amusement of their friends. It looked like things were back to normal between them.


	19. The One With the Poker Game

**Episode Nineteen: The One With the Poker Game**

It was a lazy Sunday afternoon in the Talon. As usual, the gang was sitting drinking coffee. The high school crowd had gone off elsewhere and the coffee shop wasn't that busy. Neither Oliver nor Lana had dates and were just enjoying the company of their friends.

"We should do something," Chloe suggested, looking pointedly at Lex, who just leaned back, his arm around her shoulder.

"Like what?" Oliver asked with a yawn.

"I don't know," she sighed.

"So why suggest it?" he returned.

Clark stretched. The city had been quiet lately, so he hadn't had much to do as Superman. Which suited him. It gave him time to spend with Lois, who had definitely been feeling under the weather. Ever since they'd learned she was pregnant, Lois had been sick morning, noon and night. And nothing the doctor gave her made any difference.

Lois curled up against him, glad of the all-too brief respite. She sighed, eyes closed.

"Still feeling sick?" he asked her.

"Not so much right now. It only gets worse when I move."

"Have you thought about talking to Jor-El?" Lex asked.

"Yeah. We did. All he said was that on Krypton they didn't allow women to carry the foetus. They used a birthing matrix instead."

"Well that's a lot of help," Lana commented.

"Tell me about it," Clark said.

He had spent the last couple of weeks doing everything he could to support his girlfriend. Especially after the fight they'd had. Part of it, they now realised, had been because of the hormones. But it wouldn't have happened if Clark hadn't been so over-protective.

They'd had a long talk about it. While Clark was ready for Lois to move in with him so he could take care of both her and the baby, Lois wasn't. It might feel like a backward step in their relationship, but Lois wanted to take things slowly. And they had at least seven months to get used to the changing dynamics in their relationship.

Oliver leaned forward.

"You know what we should do," he said. "We should play poker."

"Poker?" Lana asked.

Lex suddenly looked enthused. "Yeah, poker."

"You mean with money?" Lana said.

"No, with M&Ms," Oliver told her. "Of course money."

"I've never played poker," Lana said. Well, that was pretty obvious, really. Chloe made no comment..

"I have," Lois told them. "I used to beat all the guys on the base."

"All of them?" Lex's expression suggested he was suddenly thinking this was not such a good idea after all.

"Not afraid, are you Luthor?" she said with a smirk.

"Who? Me?"

"So, put your money where your mouth is."

"Anybody got any cards?" Oliver asked.

"I might have some upstairs," Chloe said, getting up. They watched as she ran up the stairs to get them. Lois turned to Lana.

"I have a sudden craving for beer nuts. Got any?"

"This is a coffee shop, not a bar," Lana told her. Lois was crestfallen.

"Why don't I run out and get some nibbles?" Clark suggested. Lois beamed at him.

"My hero."

Lex waited until Clark had sped out before he spoke. "Ass kisser," he muttered. Lois turned to glare at him.

"Say something, Luthor?"

"Nope. Not me. Didn't say a word."

"Well, I heard you," Chloe said, grabbing a pillow and hitting him with it. She'd just returned from the upstairs apartment in time to hear him.

"Ow!" he returned.

"You are such a wuss, Luthor," Chloe told him.

Lex sent his girlfriend a wounded look. She just smirked at him. Clark came back in, carrying two bags of goodies, including chips and nuts. He had also bought drinks.

"Hey, whoa," Lana said as Clark brought the beer out. "This is not a bar, Kent."

"We're not selling it, Lana," he pointed out. "Just drinking it."

"So how are we doing this?" Oliver asked. "We don't have any chips."

"Yes we do," Lana said, looking at the bag Clark had brought.

"Poker chips, Lang."

"Well, colour me corrected," she returned.

"We can't play poker without chips," Lex said. "I don't carry cash."

"Me either."

"Oh to be the two of you," Chloe said, grinning at both Lex and Oliver. "It's a good thing I do have chips," she added, dumping them on the table.

"Wait, where would you get chips from?" Oliver asked her.

"Ah, hello, Lois and I do share an apartment. What do you think we did on our dateless nights, other than clean the clocks of Lois' old army buddies."

The looks on the mens' faces were priceless. Now both of them were wondering what they had let themselves in for.

Chloe divvied up the chips, ensuring that both Oliver and Lex wrote out IOUs for their chips.

"Opening bet is fifty cent minimum," she said.

She began shuffling the cards, then dealing them out. None of the guys objected to the fact that she seemed to be taking first turn at being dealer.

"Ante up," she said.

They all put in their opening bet, frowning at the hands they'd been dealt. Clark, seated next to Chloe, was first.

"I'll bet a dollar."

"Ooh, big spender," Lois smirked. "Call."

Lex was next. "I'll see your dollar and raise you two."

And so it went around the table. Oliver raised Lex's bet and they all added their bets. Chloe looked at Clark.

"How many?"

"Two," he said, discarding two of his cards and putting them on the deck. Chloe dealt him his cards. Everyone else asked for their cards. When it was Lana's turn, she frowned.

"Uh, can I have five?"

"No, Lana, you can't have five," Chloe said.

"Why?"

"Because that's the rules," Lex told her.

"Well, none of my cards match. See?" she said, turning her cards around. It was obvious she had been dealt a straight. Everyone groaned.

"Lana, you're not supposed to show the cards," Oliver told her.

"Well, how am I supposed to know that? I've never played poker before."

"I fold," Lex groaned. Everyone else followed suit. Lana looked at them.

"So, we're not playing anymore?"

"No, Lana," Clark told her. "It means, you win this round. And the pot."

"Oh. Why?"

"You have a straight."

"A straight what?" she said, showing her ignorance.

Chloe grabbed her cards and showed her. "You have a 10, a Jack, a Queen, a King and an Ace. That's called a straight."

"Oh. So I win. Cool."

Clark was beginning to regret letting Lana play as the night wore on. For someone who hadn't known how to play poker, she seemed to be winning every time. Then again, it could have been beginner's luck.

Things began to change halfway through the night. The sheriff dropped in just before closing time, watching the proceedings in amusement.

"You wouldn't be drinking in this fine establishment, would you? Gentlemen?" she said, looking pointedly at the three men.

"Uh, no, sheriff, of course not," Clark said, quickly hiding the beer.

"Because, you know, of course, that these premises aren't licensed."

"Yes, sheriff, we are aware of that," Lex told her. Sheriff Adams just glared at him. He might be a Luthor, but he had never been able to get away with much with Nancy Adams in charge.

"How about a coffee, Sheriff?" Lana asked with a coy smile. "On the house."

"Well, that's mighty nice of you Miss Lang," she beamed.

Lana got up to make the coffee while the sheriff continued to watch the game with interest. She grinned at Lana as she sipped her coffee.

"Now that is a good cup of Joe," she said. She heaved a sigh. "Well, must be off. Duty calls. You folks have a nice night now."

Clark breathed a heavy sigh of relief. He knew Sheriff Adams had seen the beer, and she knew that he knew she'd seen the beer, but she'd let it slide. After all, it was a Sunday night and the Talon was quiet. It wasn't as if they were causing any trouble.

The game went on, and Lana's winning streak no longer held. Chloe and Lex, both with huge competitive streaks, began to get more and more involved in the game, each upping the ante.

"I'll see your bet and raise you twenty," Chloe said, glaring at Lex.

It was almost like a showdown from the old West. They eyed each other, clearly not wanting the other to get the best of them.

"Hey, now wait a minute," Clark said. "I thought the limit was five?"

"I don't think they really care right now," Lois pointed out.

One by one, the other four dropped out of the game, watching as Chloe and Lex continued to eye their opponent's hands.

"Fine. I'll see your twenty and raise you fifty," Lex answered, throwing his chips on the pile in the middle of the table. His own pile had dwindled to a few dollars, while Chloe was at least two hundred up. She smirked at him.

"I'll see your fifty and raise you …" she swept her pile of chips into the centre, "…everything I have."

Lex looked down at his pile in dismay. "I can't cover that. Will you take a cheque?"

"I've got a better idea," Chloe told him smugly. "If I win, you marry me."

Everyone else gasped as Lex stared at her, open-mouthed in shock. "What?"

"You heard me, Luthor," she said. "Marry me."

Lex swallowed audibly, clearly not knowing what to say. He looked around at his friends, who were looking eagerly back at him.

"Umm, okay?"

"Okay."

"Okay."

"So it's a bet then," she said.

"Guess it is."

"Show me your cards," Chloe said.

"You first. I mean, I called it."

Chloe bit her lip, then began to slowly lay out her cards. Clark watched as, one by one, she put three Kings on the table. Lex stared at the hand, then down at his own cards.

"Umm, yeah, so, uh, you want a diamond or an emerald?"

"For what?"

"Engagement ring. I mean, a diamond is traditional, but an emerald would match your eyes. I mean, that's if you, uh, meant what you said."

"Show me your hand, Lex," Chloe told him.

"Uh, yeah, I got nothing," he said, putting the cards face down on the table. "I was bluffing."

Chloe stared at him. "Oh. Oh! Oh my god! I ... I never actually thought ... Lex, do you really ..."

Lex pulled her up, holding her hands.

"Now, what do you think, Chloe?" he said as he kissed her.

Everyone else was grinning excitedly. Lana beamed at them. "Well, I think this calls for a celebratory drink, don't you?"

Clark looked down at his supply of beer.

"We're all out of beer."

"I think I might have a bottle of bubbly somewhere in the back," Lana said, going to look for it.

Oliver and Lex began talking at once while Lois and Chloe were chattering excitedly. As they turned away from the table, Clark stared down at Lex's cards, x-raying through them.

"Huh," he said to himself. No one else noticed what he'd done. He glanced up at his friend. Lex hadn't been bluffing at all. He'd only pretended to lose. The enormity of what Lex had just done struck him and he wondered if Lex had been planning something like this all along. But he would never know.

Lana came back out, holding a bottle of sparkling wine. Lex took it from her and read the label. His expression showed that it was definitely not up to his standards. But then he glanced at Chloe and smiled, then shrugged. He quickly unwrapped the foil on top and used his thumb to pop the cork.

Clark noticed that Lois looked a little disappointed. He put an arm around her and squeezed gently.

"I'm sure a sip would be okay," he said.

Lois smiled gratefully at him. Clark took the glasses Lana had brought out and held them so Lex could pour drinks for them all. He handed everyone their glass and raised it.

"I'd like to propose a toast to my two best friends. May you have a long and happy life together."

Chloe grinned, raising her glass. "Cheers," she said, as everyone else did.

As Chloe and Lex drank, both with huge grins on their faces, Clark saw that Lois was looking down at the ring finger of her left hand. He swore to himself that one day, very soon, he would be putting a ring on that finger himself.


	20. The One That Could Have Been: AU Episode

**Episode Twenty: Teaser**

Lois had made it through a very trying first trimester and she was now into her fourteenth week of pregnancy. Clark often teased her about the little bump that was developing in her stomach and she countered with teasing about his love of junk food. Lois couldn't talk though, considering she had wild cravings for all manner of pastries. Maple donuts especially. The good thing about it was, she wasn't gaining weight other than normal pregnancy weight.

As she came in to the Talon out of the heat of late spring, she saw a dish filled with her current favourites and reached for one. Lana rose up from the counter and rapped her on the knuckles.

"Those are for paying customers," she told her.

Lois dug in her bag for a crumpled up note and slapped it on the counter. "There, I'm a paying customer. Now gimme my donut."

Satisfied that she'd got her way, Lois went to sit on the sofa. She moaned as she bit into the pastry.

"Mmm."

Lex glanced up from the paper he'd been reading. "Geez Lois, don't have an orgasm."

There were shocked whispers from the other customers in the Talon at Lex's words. But most of them were used to his ways. Chloe wandered in and slumped on the sofa. Lois looked at her cousin.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"Oh, it's nothing. It just feels weird."

"What feels weird," she asked.

"Well, my hand seems so much heavier these days. It could be because I have this huge rock on my finger," she said, holding her hand up and waggling it, showing off the 2-carat diamond surrounded by a ring of emeralds. She and Lex had picked out the ring together – after she had dragged him to fifty different jewellers.

Lex looked up at her. "Yeah, that was funny the first hundred times you did that, honey."

Chloe pouted at him. "What's wrong with you, Mr Grumpy Pants?"

"Well, I have been trying to figure out how to cut costs without laying off staff. I swear this recession's hit everybody hard."

Lana sat on the arm of the sofa next to him. "Remember when you first came to Smallville and your Dad told you to cut twenty percent of your workforce? And you didn't?"

"What's your point, Lana?" he asked.

"You didn't do it then."

"No, I found a way around it."

"I bet your father would have done it," Chloe said snarkily.

"Done what?" Clark asked, coming in and sitting down next to Lois. He made a show of putting a hand on her bump and she pushed it away in irritation. Oliver came over from the counter with a coffee and pulled a chair over.

"Lionel would have laid off workers without batting an eye," Lex said. Everyone else nodded in agreement.

"I'm glad you didn't go down that path," Chloe told her fiancé happily. He smiled up at her.

"Can you imagine what would have happened if I had?" he said. "If I'd gone all evil?"

"Well, we wouldn't be dating," she told him.

"Do you think we would have been friends?" Clark asked.

"I'm betting you and Lana would have settled in at the farm, got married and had a couple of kids by now," Lois told him. "And I'd probably have married Wes."

"What if I'd never been shipwrecked?" Oliver mused.

"Huh!" They all said at once.

**Episode Twenty: The One That Could Have Been**

Lois Lane-Keenan hadn't spent much time in Metropolis. With her husband always off to parts unknown, doing his tour of duty, she had been left to take care of home and hearth. Lois was a lot of things, but she was a hopeless cook. And an even worse housekeeper. But he was back from a tour in Afghanistan, on leave, and she was at a loose end. So she decided to go do a bit of shopping for the day.

"Lois? Lois Lane?"

She turned and looked at the big juicy hunk of man meat standing on the sidewalk staring at her

"Do I know you?" she asked.

"Clark. Clark Kent. Smallville?"

"Good god, Smallville! How are you? It's been … years."

"Five or six, yeah."

She noticed the wedding band on his finger. "So I see you and Lana got the whole church wedding, white picket fence thing you always wanted."

Clark glanced away from her. If Lois hadn't known better, she would have said he was utterly miserable. But he and Lana Lang had been positively made for each other. "Uh, yeah, we're good. Doing, uh, great. How are you?"

"What about you?" he asked.

"Married. Two years now. He's a soldier. His name's Wes."

"A soldier? I bet that would have made the general happy."

Lois smiled tightly. She didn't really want to discuss her marriage.

"So, um, what are you doing with yourself?" she asked.

"Well, I, uh, have a job. Daily Planet. It's just, uh, well junior reporter. I mean, I didn't finish college, so … new guy gets the worst duty."

"Yeah, I hear ya. So is Chloe … I haven't heard from her in ages."

Clark brightened a little. "Oh yeah, Chloe's at the Planet. She's a full reporter now. She's done really well for herself." He smiled. "Come on. I'm guessing you two have a little catching up to do."

Lois followed along as Clark walked up to the Daily Planet building. He glared briefly at the tall skyscraper on the next block. Luthorcorp.

"What's that all about?" she asked.

"Lex. He's not the same guy you knew that year you spent with us."

"What happened?"

"Let's just say he gave in to the darker side of the Force. He's so busy being a corporate mogul that he's forgotten his friends."

"Well, that sucks." She followed him inside.

Chloe was delighted to see her. "Lois. My god. I haven't seen you in …"

"Yeah, I know. A few years. Wow, you look …"

Chloe had lost weight. She'd always been curvy but now she was, well, slender would be pushing it. And it seemed the power of being a reporter had gone to her head. She was dressed in some kind of power suit.

"Yeah, I know," she said. "But Jimmy doesn't mind."

"Jimmy?"

"My boyfriend."

From what Lois could remember, Chloe was almost obsessively career-oriented. Her goal, right from the moment she'd started writing, had been to be the star reporter at the Daily Planet.

Lois was suddenly nudged aside by a chipmunk with auburn hair and an eager beaver expression.

"Here you go, bright eyes," he said, bending to kiss Chloe. "Hot off the press."

"Do they even have presses anymore?" Lois asked as he handed her a sheet of photographs. Chloe just grinned.

"Lois, this is Jimmy Olsen. Jimmy, this is my cousin Lois."

Jimmy turned and smiled at Lois. "Hey, so I finally get to meet you. Chloe's told me all about you."

"All good I hope," she said brightly. Jimmy gave her an odd look as if she'd confused him, then he shrugged.

"I have to go finish up that job for the chief." He grinned at Clark. "Ring that bell, CK," he said, holding up a fist.

Lois rolled her eyes. Sure, the guy was sweet, but he didn't really seem to be Chloe's type. Chloe needed someone strong, someone who could match her, skill for skill, wit for wit. And Jimmy Olsen just didn't fit the bill.

There was a murmur in the bullpen and Lois looked around. Lex Luthor was striding into the room. He barely spared Lois a glance.

"Sullivan," he snarled. "If you think you are going to get away with this, you have another think coming," he said, slapping a newspaper down on the desk. "I'm going to sue this paper for every cent. I promise you, I will take it down brick by brick, and I will take you with it."

"There isn't anything in that story that wasn't true, Luthor," Chloe said, facing him down. "Luthorcorp is responsible for at least a hundred different environmental violations and you know it."

Lex looked as if he was going to hit Chloe, but she glared at him. Clark got in between them.

"I think that's enough," he said.

Lex turned on him. "Don't tell me Clark Kent's actually grown a pair," Lex sneered. "I thought you were too busy hiding behind your mother's skirts. Or is it your wife's now?"

"You have no idea what you're talking about," Clark mumbled, going beet red. Lois stared at him in shock. This wasn't the Clark Kent she'd known all those years ago. This Clark Kent was a complete wuss who clearly hadn't let go of the apron strings.

Lex just continued to glare. "This isn't over," he said.

Lois convinced Chloe and Clark to go out to dinner with her. As they were leaving, they bumped into a tall, very striking blonde man, who would have looked handsome, if he hadn't let himself go.

"Hey, Clark, Chloe," he said. He looked questioningly at Lois.

"Oh, Lois this is Ollie Queen."

Lois stared at him. "Queen Industries Oliver Queen?"

"Yuh-huh." Chloe said. "He's a friend of ours."

Oliver Queen had once been a very rich man, having inherited the family fortune when his parents had died. Their plane had gone down in the Pacific. Oliver Queen had almost thrown it away via drugs and alcohol, but then he'd been offered more money to tell his 'poor little rich boy' story and he hadn't looked back since.

Lois wondered how he had got to know Chloe and Clark. But Chloe quickly explained that she'd once interviewed Oliver for a 'where are they now' story. It was hard for Lois to fathom her cousin and her cousin's best friend knowing someone so famous.

Oliver decided to accompany them to dinner, but Clark was distracted by a woman pulling up in a vehicle.

"Clark, have you forgotten we're having dinner with your parents?"

Clark winced, then nodded meekly. Lois looked at the woman, realising it was Lana. She was glaring daggers at Lois.

"Oh, sorry, Lana," Chloe said. "You remember my cousin Lois, don't you? You met her senior year at high school."

"No, sorry, I don't," Lana said, tossing back her long, dark hair, rudely pushing past Lois. "Clark, hurry it up. And while we're at it, straighten up. Why do you have to look like such a loser all the time? And by the way, I saw that stunt you pulled today. How many times do I have to tell you ..."

With an apologetic look at his friends, Clark meekly let Lana lead him to the car, getting in the passenger side. He looked clearly uncomfortable, his long legs squashed.

"Wow! Talk about henpecked," Lois said.

"Yeah, tell me about it," Chloe said, rolling her eyes. She linked one arm through Lois' and the other through Oliver's and they went off to dinner.

Lois found Oliver to be a great conversationalist, but she couldn't help thinking about Clark. He really had changed in the intervening years. She remembered a Clark who was snarky and could hold his own against her sarcastic comments, but this Clark ...

Chloe left the Ace of Clubs to meet Jimmy, who had been working late on photos needed for deadline, leaving Lois and Ollie to talk. Oliver kept filling up her glass with champagne and while she could drink soldiers under the table, she realised she was way out of her league with Oliver Queen. He drank like a fish.

She tried to get him to stop, or slow down and he wouldn't.

"Come on. Life is to be enjoyed," he said.

So it was that midnight found her at Oliver's apartment in central Metropolis. But while the body was willing, the head wasn't so much. Lois stumbled dizzily to his bathroom to throw up the entire contents of her stomach.

Having decided that the entire weekend was a complete washout, Lois went home to her little house at Fort Ryan. The house was quiet, which wasn't unusual, except for the fact that Wes' car was outside in the driveway.

"Wes? You home?"

Lois went to the bedroom to change her clothes and opened the door.

"Lois? What are you doing home?"

Oh crap, she thought. Then she gathered herself enough to glare at Wes and the woman in her bed. Jodi. That bitch!

"Oh, I'm sorry, I guess I'm interrupting. Finish, please!"

She went back out, slamming the door behind her. Wes came running out, hopping on one foot as he tried to cover his nakedness.

"Lois!"

She turned on him, ready to let fly.

"You're cheating on me! How long, Wes? How long have you been cheating on me?"

"Uh, now Lois, wait, I ..."

"Never mind. I don't want to know," she growled. Grabbing her keys and her bag, Lois walked out the door.

Clark, meanwhile, had gone through a torturous evening with his parents and Lana and it had ended in total disaster. Lana had continued to berate him about his using his abilities.

"How many times do I have to tell you, they will put you in a lab and dissect you."

Clark groaned. "I know that Lana. You don't have to keep repeating it."

"Well, some day your little stunts are going to land you in a whole lot of trouble."

Jonathan intervened. "What do you expect Clark to do, Lana? Stand by and let people get hurt?"

"I expect him to be home, with me, where he belongs. Is that too much to ask?"

"My life does not revolve around you, Lana," Clark snapped, regretting the words as soon as they were out of his mouth.

Lana threw down her napkin and walked out of the restaurant.

Chloe had also had a few problems that night. Jimmy had managed to get his photos done in time for the deadline, but there had been a shooting and he was expected to dash out and cover it. When her city editor, Brady, had seen Chloe was at a loose end, he sent her out to cover the story.

She was more than shocked when she found out the victim was none other than Lex Luthor. Fortunately for him, he hadn't been badly hit. It was just a flesh wound in the shoulder.

"Lex, are you okay?"

"Here to get an exclusive, Sullivan?" he snapped, his gaze on Jimmy snapping photographs.

"No, Lex, I'm concerned about you. We used to be friends once upon a time."

"Well, that time is long gone." He glared at the paramedic who was busy putting a pressure bandage on his arm. "Would you hurry this up, please? I have things to do."

"Any idea who did this?" Chloe asked, knowing he was just grouchy because he was in pain.

"Take a number," he returned.

"Lex ..." she sighed.

Okay, so they hadn't been friends for a while, and yes, Lex had been involved in some dodgy deals in the past few years but he wasn't really that bad. Was he?

Biting her lip, Chloe decided to accompany Lex to hospital, waiting as his shoulder was patched up. He came out, scowling.

"Why are you still here?" he asked.

"I just wanted to make sure you were okay," she said. "Really. It's not about a story at all."

"Why don't I believe you?"

"Come on, Lex, we've known each other a long time. And I know we've kind of been crossing swords lately, but I still care."

"You're very convincing, Chloe, but why don't I believe you?"

"Fine. You know what? Believe what you want," she said turning on her heel.

Lex watched her for a moment, feeling like a prize heel. She really had been concerned.

"Chloe, wait," he said. "I'm sorry." She stopped mid-step and he caught up with her. "It must be the pain meds. I appreciate you being here. I'd like the company," he said, with a small smile.

Chloe smiled back at him.

An hour later found them at his penthouse. He'd poured himself a scotch as soon as he got in, pouring her one too.

"You know," she said, where she was sprawled on the couch. "You really shouldn't drink alco ... alco ... booze on top of pain meds."

Lex snorted drunkenly. "You're drunk," he said, feeling a giggle bubbling up.

"Yup. Doesn't change my point though. What was my point?"

"Dunno, I forgot." He leaned forward, peering at her hazily. "Can I ask you something?"

"Knock yourself out."

"What's with the chipmunk?"

"The whata whata what?"

"Olsen. He's your, uh, boyfriend?"

"Well, yeah."

"I always picked you for a career girl."

"I can't be both?"

"Not with him."

"Why?"

"Because he's a chipmunk," Lex crowed, and that was a definite giggle. "I mean, seriously, what do you see in him?"

"He's, you know, safe."

Lex chuckled. "Chloe Sullivan, you don't do safe. You never have."

"Well, the only other guy I wanted was out of reach."

"Oh yeah?" he asked, belching. "Who ... who was that?"

"I'm looking at him."

"Me?"

"Yep, your evilness."

"I'm not ... augh ... I'm not evil," he protested.

"Ah hello, environmental violations, unethical research ...um, what else? I forgot."

"Go out with me and I'll stop all the research," he told her. "And I'll clean up all the stuff Luthorcorp is responsible for."

"Stuff?"

"Yeah, you know, stuff."

"You do know that your vocabulary degenerates the drunker you get, don't you?" She grinned. "It's kind of cute."

"Is that a yes?" he asked.

Clark stumbled into the Talon the next morning, ordering himself a coffee. He saw Lois sitting on one of the sofas.

"Lois?"

"Oh, Clark, hi," she said, looking just as miserable as he felt.

"Is everything okay?" he asked.

"No. No, it's really not."

"Want to talk about it?"

"Just tell me something, Clark. Do marriage vows mean nothing to you people?"

"What?"

She sighed. "I walked in on my husband having sex with ... he was cheating on me. He's probably been cheating on me since we got married."

Clark shrank as she went into a tirade about men and their cheating ways. The waitress came over with his coffee and he drank, continuing to listen to Lois' invective, saying nothing. There was suddenly silence and he looked at her.

"Don't you have anything to say?" she asked.

"Uh, Lois, look, I get that you're angry at the male gender in general, but you know, some men will do anything to please their wives. Even at the expense of their own happiness."

Lois frowned. "Who are these guys?"

"This ... this guy I know."

"Yeah, well you better tell that guy that he's an idiot, because that is just a crock."

"He kind of realised that last night. I'm sorry your husband cheated on you."

"Well, I'm sorry you found out you're an idiot. Guess women aren't so great either."

Clark smiled weakly. "Some aren't so bad," he said.

Chloe came in, with Lex in tow.

"Hey guys," she said.

Lois frowned at her cousin. "Where were you? I had to crash at your place last night."

"I was at Lex's."

"Oh." Lois stared at Lex, who looked as if he'd been hit by a semi truck. "Oh!"

Oliver ambled in, looking very pleased with himself.

"I just scored a hot date with that blonde chick from the Good Morning Metropolis show." He looked around. "Hey, nice place."

The newcomers ordered coffee and the five of them sat around chatting. Clark saw Lana come in, her eyes searching.

"Clark," she said. He got up to go to her.

"Uh, Lana ..."

"Look, Clark, I've uh, been doing a lot of thinking, and well, I think we should get a divorce. I mean, you're miserable, I'm miserable and we're just spending our days making each other miserable."

Clark couldn't have said it better himself. And the truth was, there was a certain other brunette he was suddenly very interested in. As he looked over at his friends, Clark smiled. Things were definitely looking up.


	21. The One With the Wedding Dresses

**Episode Twenty-One: The One With the Wedding Dresses** **And Other Stuff**

"So, shopping for a wedding dress tomorrow?" Chloe asked the two girls as they leaned on the counter.

"You mean this is one thing Lex hasn't already planned?" Lana asked with a giggle.

Chloe chuckled. Lex, in true Luthor fashion, had decided to put himself in charge of all things wedding. He was used to organizing all manner of events, as CEO of a major corporation, and he had told Chloe that he just wanted to make sure that they had the best money could buy. Of course, Chloe just wanted something simple, but Lex always went overboard.

Chloe held up the muffin she'd been eating, looking critically at it.

"You know, I really should stop eating these things. I really want to lose weight before the wedding."

"Chlo, what are you talking about? You don't need to lose weight," Lois told her.

"I will if I keep eating these," she said, still frowning at the muffin.

"It's just nerves," Lana told her. "The wedding is three weeks away."

"And cuz, let me say I am so glad you're having the wedding so soon. I really didn't want to be a bridesmaid looking like a beached whale."

"Not even possible," Chloe told her, touching her cousin's stomach. She was definitely showing signs of her pregnancy.

"Um, speaking of the thing that we're really not supposed to be speaking of, when is Clark going to make an honest woman of you?" Lana asked.

Lois sighed and reached for a muffin. "I wish I knew. I keep hinting, but he just doesn't seem to get it." She hadn't exactly come right out and said it, but they had been getting along better than before she'd gotten pregnant. Lois had been testing the waters by mentioning Chloe and Lex's wedding as often as possible, and how she'd like her wedding to be.

Chloe shook her head. "You could knock Clark on the head with an anvil and he still wouldn't get it." Lana nodded in agreement.

"Clark's a great guy, don't get me wrong. And he really loves you. But honestly, he can be so dense sometimes."

The three girls sighed collectively.

Oliver sat on the leather couch drinking a beer.

"So, Clark, when are you going to make an honest woman of Lois?"

Clark sighed. His head was down and he was staring morosely into his bottle. "I don't know. I mean, I've caught little hints from her now and again, but I want to do something different, you know?"

"Well, you can't propose to her at a poker game," Lex told him, putting down his glass of scotch. "I have the patent on that."

"Uh, correction, Lex, Chloe was the one who made it part of a bet," Oliver told him.

"What's your point?"

Clark looked at Oliver and Lex. Clearly, Oliver didn't know that Lex had lost the game on purpose. Lex turned back to Clark.

"So, the girls are going shopping tomorrow. For wedding dresses."

"How much is that going to cost you?" Oliver asked.

"When it comes to the woman I love, I'm sparing no expense," Lex said.

Oliver made a retching noise.

"You wait," Lex told him. "One of these days you are going to meet your match and Clark and I will enjoy watching you fall on your ass."

"Not a chance," Oliver told him.

Lex ignored him, looking back at Clark. "Seriously Clark, what are you waiting for? For Lois to pop that baby out?"

"Well, she can't say no then, can she?" Clark said with a weak grin. "Get her right after she's given birth. You know, when she's holding the baby."

"As opposed to her cursing a blue streak when she's actually having the baby," Oliver commented.

Chloe stared at her reflection in the mirror. "I look like a big pouffy wedding cake," she complained.

"You look great," Lana said.

"Well, maybe the sleeves are a bit much," Lois said, pointing out the puffy sleeves "And yeah, all that lace, um … it's really, well, a bit much." Chloe looked at her cousin, becoming more depressed by the second. "Plus for the price, you'd expect better quality."

"Try something else," Lana suggested.

"Yeah, I think you're right," Chloe murmured. She looked at the two girls. While they were both brunettes, they couldn't look more different if they tried. Lana was petite and fine-boned, with green eyes that were almost almond shaped while Lois was big-boned, with the kind of build that made her look very tall, and her eyes were hazel. They'd already spent the last two hours trying on bridesmaids dresses. They'd finally chosen to do something different. The same style of dress – long skirts with square bodices and shoestring straps. The skirts were designed so that Lois' expanding waistline would be hidden. Each were in contrasting colours. Lana's was a dark pink while Lois' was a maroon. Each dress included a wrap and they'd chosen to do the opposite with the wraps.

Chloe went to try on another dress. The design of this one was simpler, sleeveless, with a tight bodice. Chloe gasped as she saw the price tag. Lex might be rich, and wanting to spare no expense to give her wedding he thought she wanted, but it didn't mean she expected him to pay through the nose. Especially for something she'd only wear once.

"I like the dress," she whispered to the girls, "but not the price tag."

Lois glanced at it. "Yeah, you're right."

A woman who had also been trying on wedding dresses was watching them.

"Hey, I couldn't help overhearing, but, I saw something similar in a catalogue for a sale just a couple of blocks from here. And the dress was at least half the price."

Lois stared at her. "So, if the sale's there, why are you here?"

"So I can get an idea of what I want. Then I'll go to the sale and pick up something very close to it at a discount." Lois raised an eyebrow at the woman. Smart thinking, she thought.

Chloe, Lana and Lois looked at each other, then Chloe nodded. "Let's go," she said, going to quickly change her clothes.

There was a long line by the time they got to the store. Chloe looked depressed as she saw how long it was.

"We're never going to get in," she complained.

Lois shook her head. "We need a game plan," she told her. "Tell you what, why don't I pretend I'm having cramps or something, which will distract the women, while you and Lana slip in and find the dress."

Chloe stared wide-eyed at her cousin. "Lois Lane, I can't believe you'd use such dirty underhand tactics." She grinned. "I like it. Let's go."

Just as Lois predicted, her little act attracted a lot of attention from the women in line. Enough so Chloe could slip in and look for the dress. They quickly searched the racks, pushing other gowns aside. And there it was. It was so similar that Chloe almost whooped. She grabbed the dress. But a woman on the other side grabbed it from her side of the rack.

"I saw it first," Chloe growled.

"No, you didn't. I was here first," the other woman growled. Chloe frowned at the familiar voice. It was the woman from the boutique.

"It's mine," Chloe snarled, pulling on the hanger.

"No, it's mine," the woman snarled back, pulling from her side.

"I was here first," Chloe retorted.

"You wouldn't have been here at all if I hadn't told you about the sale!"

"You want a fight, lady, because let me tell you I am so ready to get on the floor with you right now."

The saleswoman came hurrying over, clearly panicking at the thought of a knock down drag-out fight in the middle of her shop.

"Ladies, please …" she began.

Both women ignored her, already pulling on each other's clothes, the dress almost forgotten in their battle.

"My boyfriend happens to be the mayor's wife's nephew," the woman said, obviously trying to use her connections.

"Well, my boyfriend's Lex Luthor," Chloe told her.

The woman stopped and stared at her, wide-eyed. "Uh, on second thought," she said, "take it."

"Huh?"

"You win, okay? I mean, everyone knows you don't mess with Lex Luthor. Or his girlfriend."

Chloe was left standing in the middle of the shop, feeling rather sheepish. Lana and Lois were looking at her in sympathy. She might have won, but it didn't make her feel any better.

"Um, let's just go," she said.

They were silent as they made their way to the next store.

"Just what did she mean by that?" Chloe asked. "No one messes with Lex Luthor."

"Honey, I'm sure it's all completely innocent," Lois told her.

"Yeah, but Lex does have a reputation as being sort of ruthless," Lana said.

"Not helping," Lois said, turning to look at the petite brunette.

"I'm just sayin'," she said, holding up her hands in protest.

Chloe finally ending up choosing another dress that wasn't as nice as the one she'd liked, but still nice enough. And nowhere near the same price.

She was still mulling over what the woman had said as they sat in the Talon. She had told Lex what the woman had said.

"Honey, I'm not going to lie," he said. "Yes, some people think I'm ruthless, and maybe I do cut corners a little, but I have never broken any laws. I've certainly never killed anybody," he added, trying a disarming smile.

"Well, except Nixon," Clark reminded him.

"That was self-defence," Lex protested hotly. "Chloe, the point is, people see me as ruthless because that's the way I have to be sometimes. You have to be tough to survive. That's all it is." He gently tilted her chin to look at him. "That's business. What happens in our personal life is completely different, okay? I love you, and that's not going to change." He leaned forward and kissed her cheek, whispering in her ear. "Who else would get you a mocha latte at three in the morning?"

Chloe giggled. She'd woken up early one morning craving the latte and Lex, grumbling, had driven to an all-night café just to get her the latte. It had been cold when she'd finally got it, but the fact that he'd done it for her spoke volumes.

Chloe and Lex returned to the Luthor mansion late that night, so tired they just wanted to drop into bed. As Chloe headed for the stairs, she stopped by the table in the hall, frowning at the letter she saw on the silver platter. It was addressed to them both, from Kansas State Penitentiary.

"What's this?" she asked.

Lex took the letter, his forehead creasing in a frown. He turned the envelope over and began opening it. His frown increased as he read the letter.

"It's from Dad," he said. "He wants to see us. Both of us."

"What for?"

Lex shrugged. "Don't really care. Come on, let's go to bed."

"Now wait a minute, Lex. Aren't you curious to find out what your father wants?"

"Not really."

Lionel had tried to get himself released a few months ago. He'd even tried bribing the judge when his case had gone to appeal, but the judge had proved to be unimpeachable. He'd lost the appeal, and his tactics had only served to anger the authorities even more. When evidence of his dirty dealings, even during his incarceration, came to light, the judge had added more to his sentence.

Lex had refused to have any more to do with his father. Chloe supposed she couldn't blame him really. After a lifetime of trying to win his father's love, Lex had given up, knowing it was something Lionel wasn't capable of.

As Chloe prepared for bed, she looked at her fiancé.

"Honey, I know you don't want to see him, but maybe we should just see what he wants. He is your father."

"He's also a murderer," Lex pointed out.

"Look, let's just go to the prison tomorrow and find out. I know you, Lex. You pretend you don't care but I know it eats you up inside."

She could see that Lex was struggling with this. Part of him was still that lost little boy, wanting some sign of affection from his father. The other part was the man who refused to let those feelings show on his face.

"Okay," he said softly. "We'll go. But any sign of trouble and we're out of there."

Next morning found them at the penitentiary. Lionel came in, dressed in an orange jumpsuit.

"Gee Dad, really not your colour," Lex said smartly. Chloe elbowed him in the ribs. Lionel saw the gesture and smiled gently at Chloe.

"I wanted to congratulate you, son. You and Miss Sullivan."

Chloe looked at Lionel. He didn't look well. His eyes were puffy and there were dark circles under them. He had lost a lot of weight. Already slender when he'd first been incarcerated, he was now skin and bone. His colour was almost yellow.

"You don't look well, Mr Luthor," she said.

"I'm dying," he told her, matter-of-factly. "The doctors tell me I have perhaps weeks to live." He glanced at Lex. "Liver disease."

Lex remained stone-faced. Lionel continued.

"I know I don't deserve your sympathy, Lex, or your forgiveness. That isn't why I called you here. In truth, I was hoping to impart a little of some of my wisdom on you. I've made mistakes in my life. My biggest one was in not being a good father. Perhaps in spite of me, you have become a good man. And from what I can see, you are marrying a good woman."

Chloe smiled tentatively at that. Lex was still silent.

"When your mother and I married, I have to confess that I did not love her. Not then. Sometimes love is something that grows over time. The day you were born, I swore to myself that I would not become the father mine was. In truth, I expect I was worse. Particularly since my own father's way of showing affection was to beat me. Remember the Old Testament – the sins of the father shall be visited on the sons."

"Dad ..."

"Son, I wronged you. I know that now. I was cold, distant, afraid to lavish affection on you. I saw my fear as a weakness, and in so doing, I turned you into just as cold and ruthless a businessman as I was. I'm glad to see that not all my lessons stuck. Lex, be tough in business. Ruthless if you have to be. But cherish your family. They are the ones who give you strength. I am only sorry that it came to the end of my life before I understood that."

"Whoa! He really said all that?" Oliver asked.

Lex nodded. He still looked a little shell-shocked from the visit. Chloe rubbed his arm, reminding him she was there for him. He smiled at her gratefully.

"We checked with the doctors at the prison," Chloe said. "Lionel was telling the truth. He had only weeks to live."

"Huh!" Clark said. He glanced at Lois, but she said nothing. She had no love for Lionel Luthor. Truth be told, none of them did. But it had made Clark realise something.

He took Lana aside.

"I need your help with something."

He quickly outlined his plan. Lana nodded vigorously.

"I can't believe you ..." she began, but Clark quickly put a hand over her mouth.

"I don't want her to hear," he said.

He went back to the sofa and sat down. Lois looked at him. "Everything okay?" she asked.

"Everything's great," he said.

Lex's cellphone rang and he picked it up. "Lex Luthor."

As the others watched his expression changed from one of casual interest to alarm. Chloe frowned at him, touching his arm.

"What is it Lex?" she asked as he put the phone down, looking even more shell-shocked than he did before.

"It's Lionel. They ... they found him an hour ago. He's dead."

Everyone stared at him, equally stunned. Lex nodded.

"Apparently the doctors had been giving him some sleeping pills. They're supposed to regulate it, but he somehow managed to accumulate them. Hide them in his cell. He took an overdose."

"My god, Lex, I'm so sorry," Lana said, coming back to sit down, a sympathetic expression on her face.

"Well, I'm not," Oliver said. "I mean, it's such a Lionel thing to do. Choose the manner of his passing. He couldn't control the liver disease that was killing him so he did this instead."

"You're right," Lex said grimly. He stared down at his lap, shaking his head. Chloe stroked his arm gently.

As Clark watched his friend, he knew that Lex was grieving. But Lex was the type of man who wouldn't show it. Not in public at least.

"I need to go," Lex said. "I have to make arrangements." His voice sounded hollow, as if he was fighting back emotion. Chloe stood up with him.

"I'll go with you," she said softly.

The others watched them go. "What's this going to do to the wedding?" Lana asked.

"I don't know," Clark said. "But they'd be idiots to cancel now. I mean, life has to go on."

He knew that better than anyone. After all, he'd lost his own father the year he turned twenty. Even though he thought his world had fallen apart, other people went on with their lives. This was just a setback.

Chloe watched as Lex made phone call after phone call to make the arrangements to bury his father. He hadn't said a word to her and she hadn't expected him to. Right now, she realised he needed something tangible to focus on.

It wasn't until two hours later that he finally sat down and took a breath. Chloe sat down beside him.

"You okay?" she asked.

"You know what he was doing. He was trying to get back at me in some way."

"You really think that? Lex, maybe he was just saying goodbye."

"But why now?" Lex said, his tone almost a wail.

"I don't know, baby," she said, pulling his arms around her. She could feel his arms tightening around her, then he began to shake. He was crying. She just held him tighter and let him grieve.

It was a while before he calmed down. Chloe lifted her head and kissed him gently.

"Feel better?" she asked softly and he nodded. "You know, if you want to postpone the wedding we can."

"The earth would have to open up and swallow me to stop me marrying you, Chloe, so you're not getting out of it that easily." Chloe wrinkled her nose at him.

"Already making jokes, Luthor. Guess you must be feeling better."

He mock growled at her and picked her up, carrying her over his shoulder upstairs. "Babe, you ain't seen nothing yet."

Clark had decided to put his plan into action the next day. Despite the sad news, he still wanted to go ahead with his idea. Lionel's death had made him even more determined to put something right.

He stood in the middle of the Talon. It was closed, ostensibly for some major cleaning, but that was all part of his plan. Lois burst in, right on the appointed time. Well, Clark had actually told her to meet him half an hour earlier, but she was still right on time for Lois time.

"Smallville, what ..." she said, looking around at the empty coffee shop. Sunlight poured in from the front window.

"Stand there," he said. "Right there." She frowned at him.

"What's going on, Clark? And why did you tell me to wear this top. I mean, I have put on a couple of pounds. Totally your fault, by the way, since you knocked me up. And look, my boobs are just bursting out of this top." She indicated the white top. It was such a simple top, and she usually wore it with jeans, but it meant something to Clark.

"It's the blouse you were wearing the day I realised I was in love with you."

"Uh-huh, what?"

"You came in and you were standing just there, the sun pouring in the window and for a moment you looked just like an angel. It was like you had a halo over your head. You were just bathed in light. You looked so beautiful in that light and I just knew."

"Knew what?" she said, looking around as if she thought this was some kind of cosmic joke.

"That I would love you for the rest of my life." Clark bent down on one knee and took out a ring box, opening it up to show her the diamond ring. "Lois, I know I don't always say the right thing. And I get a little tongue-tied sometimes. You make me nervous, but you make me happy. From the time we met, you've challenged me. Made me think. Yes, you drive me crazy, and yes, I might get a little over-protective sometimes but I love you more than I have ever loved anyone."

Lois was staring down at him, her mouth open in shock. "Clark ..."

"I know what you're going to say. I mean, Lex's father just died, and it might be totally inappropriate, but I don't care. Because it made me realise something. That if I let you walk away without me telling you how I feel about you, about us, then I will reget that for the rest of my life. I love you Lois Lane. Will you marry me?"

Lois still seemed stunned by this. They might have talked about it in passing, but not seriously. Clark waited for an answer.

"Uh, you know, Lois, it's kind of hard on this floor. I mean, I might be invulnerable, but ..."

Lois sank down onto her knees and kissed him. "Clark, you talk too much."

"Lois?" he said. "You still haven't answered my question."

"I haven't?" she asked, pulling slightly away.

"No, you haven't," he said, shaking his head.

"Oh. Well, my answer is yes."

"Yes."

"Yes?"

She laughed. "Yes." Clark smiled and took the ring from the box, slipping it on her finger. Lois stared down at that beautiful ring.

Neither of them noticed their four friends waiting in the back room, peering out.

"Oh my god," Lois said. "We're engaged!"

"Yep."

"Oh my god." She turned, hearing gasps of delight from the friends. Lex smiled.

"May we come in?" he asked.

She waved them in. "Yes, yes." She waved her hand, showing the ring, the gem glinting in the sunlight. "We're engaged!"


	22. The One With the Two Weddings

**Episode Twenty-Two: The One With the Two Weddings**

"So, Ollie, you bringing a date to the wedding?" Chloe asked.

"Uh, actually," he said, shifting uncomfortably on the sofa, putting down his coffe. "I kind of met this woman."

"Details," Lana said.

"Her name's Dinah. She has a radio talk show."

"And how did you meet her?"

Ollie looked embarrassed. "Uh, well, she kind of kicked my ass a couple of weeks ago."

Lex raised an eyebrow at him. "Oh? Do tell."

"Well, uh, I was out on patrol the other night and we, sort of ... got into a fight. She thought I was out to steal something." He smiled sheepishly. "Green Arrow kind of has this reputation."

Lex and Chloe looked at each other and grinned. They knew it would only be a matter of time before Ollie would meet someone who, literally it seemed, would knock him on his ass.

"So you're dating?"

"I've been seeing a lot of her, yeah."

Chloe chuckled.

"So, someone has finally tamed the Green Arrow. Who'd have thunk?"

Lois and Clark came in and sat down. Lois looked around.

"Do you realise that this will be the last time we're all going to be together as six single people?"

Lana frowned. "Why? I'm not closing."

Chloe looked at her.

"Oh yeah," she said.

"Yep," Lex said, flexing his fingers, "the next time you see me I'll be dragging around the old ball and chain."

Chloe glared at him.

"New ball and chain, new, hot ball and chain," he amended quickly.

Lois looked at her watch. "You know we need to go. We've got those fittings Chlo."

"Oh yeah." Chloe leaned over and kissed Lex on the cheek. "See you tomorrow. And ... try not to get too drunk tonight."

"Who me?" he said.

The men waited until the girls had gone, then Ollie leaned forward.

"So, bachelor party. You're having a stripper, right? Please tell me you're having a stripper."

"Chloe would murder me if I had a stripper," Lex said.

"Lex, ol' buddy, ol' pal, it's traditional."

Clark sent Oliver a look, frowning.

"Yeah, I really can't carry that off, can I?"

"Nope."

"Besides," Lex said. "Where would I get a stripper around Smallville?"

"Well, you could always try the barmaid down at the Wild Coyote," Clark said. "I hear she moonlights."

"Whistling Dixie?" Lex raised an eyebrow at him. "She's like fifty. And she's got a face like a horse's ..."

Clark quickly covered his mouth with his hand. "I wouldn't finish that if I were you."

"Gee, this bachelor party's going to be ... fun," Oliver said. "Tell me we're at least going to be able to get drunk at this party."

"Oh, that we're allowed," Lex said.

Clark just chuckled.

"What?"

"She's got you wrapped round that little finger tighter than ..."

"Yeah, laugh it up chucklehead. Considering it's going to be your turn in a couple of weeks."

Clark sighed. He'd almost forgotten about that. And the only reason he and Lois were getting married so soon was because Lois didn't want to be huge walking down the aisle.

The men had gone to the mansion to prepare for the bachelor party of the century, and the girls had picked up the dresses they were wearing for the ceremony and returned to the Talon. Chloe would be spending the night away from Lex in the upstairs apartment.

Lana was the first to notice the bottle of champagne on the counter.

"Enjoy your last night of freedom. Z."

"Z? Who's Z?" Chloe asked.

Lois shrugged. "Beats me. And as much as I would love to have some of that bubbly, you know I can't."

Chloe sighed. "Yeah, sorry Lo. Lana, are we okay with this?"

"Well, the Talon's going to be closed tonight, so yeah. I think we'll be okay." She grinned, grabbing the bottle. "I'll just go find someplace to put this until the party."

"Party, huh? Now who said you guys could go on and have a party without me?"

Chloe turned and stared at the newcomer. "Pete? Oh my god, Pete! Hey!"

She ran to him and hugged the stuffing out of him. Lois looked at her cousin and the chocolate skinned man.

"You didn't think I was going to miss my best girl getting married now, could I?" he asked.

Lana, hearing the commotion, came out of the storeroom. "Pete Ross?"

"Hey Lana," he said, giving her a quick hug. He looked from Chloe to Lois.

"Oh, Pete, where are my manners? This is my cousin. Lois."

Pete smiled. "Hey, you're Clark's girl. And from what he's been telling me, he went and landed himself a good one."

Lois smiled back, shaking Pete's hand. He grinned and shrugged.

"Aw heck, why be so formal?" he said. "I mean, Clark's always been my bro. We're practically family."

Lois found herself relaxing. She had heard a little about Pete, Clark's best friend since they'd played in the sandbox together."

"So, uh, where's the bachelor party at?" Pete asked.

"They're having it at Lex's mansion," Chloe said.

"Cool! So, I guess I'll see you girls at the ceremony tomorrow."

Lana continued to watch as he walked out the door.

"Wow, I forgot how good looking he was."

"Yeah, Pete the town Romeo," Chloe snorted. "I swear he chased after every skirt in high school."

Lois turned. "Well, come on. We need to get this party started."

"Hey, who ordered the champagne?" Clark asked, eyeing the bottle of champagne chilling in an ice bucket.

"Who cares?" Lex said. "We're celebrating right? And what better way to celebrate than with a bottle of bubbles."

"Damn straight," Oliver said.

"All right." Clark popped the cork and poured the champagne into three flutes.

"Hey, better save some for me, Kent."

Clark looked around, and saw Pete Ross in the doorway. He grinned, moving quickly and practically sweeping up his friend into a hug.

"Pete! I'm so glad you could make it."

Lex came over, a glass of bubbly in his hand. "Hello Pete," he said, holding out his free hand to shake the younger man's.

The four of them sat down after introductions, and Lex asked what Pete was doing for himself.

"Last time I saw you, you were a roadie for some band."

"Yeah, I was. Then I decided it was time I knuckled down and did something real with my life. So I'm going to law school."

"Wow, I'm impressed," Lex said. "You know, if you ever need any assistance ..."

"Thanks. But you know, my mom's a judge, so it's okay."

Clark and Oliver were refreshing their drinks at the wet bar. Pete leaned forward.

"Look, Lex, I know we had our differences in the past, but I want you to know that you're okay. One thing I gotta tell you though. I mean, man to man, you know, as Chloe's friend and everything."

"Of course."

"You ever do anything to hurt my girl, I will kick your ass."

Lex chuckled and Pete huffed.

"What? You think I couldn't take you?" Pete asked.

"Oh, no," Lex assured him. "I'm sure you could."

The other girls had arrived and Lana had turned the music up. Chloe had invited a friend she'd met through online chat, while Lois had invited a girl from the office. Lana, of course, had invited one of her old friends from high school.

All but Lois had been drinking the champagne and now Chloe was unwrapping her gifts. She held up a very sexy teddy in deep lavender.

"Let me guess. This one's from Lois."

"Well,we all know how much Lex loves the colour," Lois told her cousin.

"That's why we always thought he was gay," Lana smirked.

"Lex is gay?" one of Lana's old high school friends asked.

"No, idiot. They only thought he was because of the colour. Didn't you ever notice Lex always wore these purple shirts which ..."

"Royalty," Chloe told her. "Lex wears that colour because his mom told him it was the colour of royalty."

"I bet it would have clashed horribly with his red hair," Lana said.

"No? Really? Lex was a redhead?" another girl asked. "Well, I'm glad he's bald."

"Mm, he's very sexy bald."

"That's my fiancé you're talking about," Chloe huffed.

"Chill, cuz, they're just jealous."

"Yeah, you got the sexiest man on the planet," Lana said. She turned to Lois. "And yours is the sexiest, um, ex, I mean, reporter on the planet."

"Yeah, nice save, Lana," Lois glared at her.

"Sorry. Must be the champagne."

Chloe downed another glass of it.

"You know what we should do," she said. "We should go raid the boys' party."

"And do what? They're probably just smokin' cigars and getting drunk on some of Lex's scotch and having a good time. Trust me, cuz, men? They try to tell us they don't gossip, but that's a misnomer."

"Smoke 'em if you got 'em," Lex crowed, sniffing the aroma of a fresh cigar.

"Ugh. You know, when I was a kid, I had this tutor who used to smoke Cuban cigars." Oliver shuddered. "They were these really foul things."

"Probably got them cheap," Lex commented. He leaned forward and pressed the cigar to Ollie's nose. "Sniff that. Trust me, nothing like it."

"Lois doesn't like me smoking cigars."

"Not as if it's going to kill you, Mr Intergalactic Traveller," Lex snorted.

Pete nodded, grinning. "Yup." He leaned forward and took one of Lex's cigars. Or tried to. Lex suddenly hugged the box to himself.

"Whoa. Possessive much?" Pete said.

Lex pouted. "They're mine."

Clark shook his head. He was suddenly feeling a little dizzy. Or maybe a lot dizzy.

"What the hell was in that champagne?" he asked.

Lois woke the next morning hearing groans from Lana and Chloe, who had apparently passed out on the floor of the coffee shop.

"Uh, girls," she said.

Chloe suddenly sat up, eyes wide. "Oh my god. Oh my god!" She hurriedly pushed blonde hair out of her face.

"What?"

Chloe sprang up. "I'm getting married today!" She ran to the bathroom, tripping over. Lois went to help her cousin, but Chloe got up by herself. "I'm fine. I'm good."

"Don't run, Chlo," Lois called after her. "We've got ..." she glanced at the watch. "Oh crap. We have to be at the church in three hours. And we have to get our hair done, our make-up done. Lana get up."

Lana grunted and rolled over.

Lois went to the counter to start the coffee machine, cursing at it when it wouldn't immediately start pouring fresh coffee.

"You have to change the filter," Lana murmured sleepily.

"I knew that," Lois said.

While Chloe was in the shower, Lois decided to phone the mansion, just to see how the others were doing.

"Smallville? You sound like crap!"

"Uh, yeah," he said, his voice sounding a little hoarse. "What time is it?"

Lois could hear Oliver and Pete's voices in the background. "Hey, have you seen Lex?"

Clark paused, clearly turning away from the phone.

"No. Why? Is he not in his bed?"

"We've looked everywhere. Do you even remember him going to bed last night?"

"Uh, no."

"Smallville!" Lois tried to get his attention. "Clark!"

"Yeah, Lois, I'm here. What?"

"What have you done with Lex?"

"Wait, something's happened to Lex?"

Lois turned around and looked at Lana, then shushed her before Chloe could come out of the shower and hear what had happened.

"No. Everything's fine. Go tell Chloe the coffee's almost ready."

"Oh. Okay."

Lois turned back to the phone. "Smallville, you better find Lex or I swear ..."

Clark didn't listen to the rest of Lois' tirade. His head was pounding.

"What was in that champagne last night?" he asked.

"You tell me. How is it you can suddenly get drunk?" Oliver asked.

"Yeah, Clark," Pete echoed.

"Do I look like I know the answer? And we better find Lex or we're going to have to face the wrath of Lois."

"Is that bad?" Pete commented

"You've never seen Lois angry," Clark said.

Oliver smirked. "I'll drink to that."

"Drink," Clark said, going over to the table. "Do we even know where this champagne came from?"

"I thought Lex got it," Oliver said.

Clark looked around and saw a small card on the floor. It must have dropped there at some point.

"It's on me. Enjoy. Z."

"Wait. Who's Z?" Pete asked.

"Zatanna. I shoulda known," Clark groaned.

"Zatanna? That magician you met while on a story a few months ago?"

Clark nodded. "I'm going to kill her," he growled.

"That still doesn't tell us where Lex went," Oliver said.

Pete, meanwhile, had been looking around. Then he saw a camera in the far corner.

"Maybe that'll help," he said.

Clark and Oliver looked at each other, then went out to call one of Lex's housemen. Within minutes, they were looking at the footage from the night before.

Lex had passed out near the end of the evening. And it was clear from the way the three remaining men were whispering that they had been planning on doing something to Lex. Clark listened in with his super-hearing. Then he began to laugh.

"What? What is it?"

"We decided to tar and feather him," Clark said. "He's out on Route 91. In handcuffs."

"Correction. He was."

Clark looked up guiltily as Sheriff Adams came in, with Lex in tow. Lex had black body paint all over him and some feathers were still sticking to his skin.

"Very amusing, guys. You are so going to pay for that."

Nancy Adams' lips quirked in a grin. "Next time you boys want to play a prank on a groom to be, I suggest you find somewhere other than Route 91. Mind you, I hear the video already has a hundred thousand hits on YouTube."

"I'm dead!" Lex groaned.

Clark and Oliver just grinned sheepishly.

Thankfully, there were no further hold ups and they managed to get dressed and to the church on time. Lex paced up and down nervously.

"Relax," Clark whispered. "She'll be here."

"I think I'm going to be sick," Lex groaned.

"You never get sick," Clark told him. "It's just nerves."

"I ..."

Lex didn't have a chance to respond as the organist began to play. And Lex stared as Lois and Lana walked down the aisle, followed by Chloe, who was wearing the most beautiful wedding dress he'd ever seen. The sun was pouring in from the double doors at the entry of the church, and her blonde hair shone like a halo.

"Wow!" Lex said.

The friends watched as the pair were joined in holy matrimony. Lois could see the happiness shining in her cousin's face as she married the man she loved. She touched a hand to her expanding belly.

"That's going to be me and your daddy in two weeks kiddo," she whispered. She found herself looking at Clark, who was watching her with a gentle smile on his face. He glanced down at her belly, then back up, mouthing the words 'I love you' to her.

Lois danced with Clark at the reception, watching as Chloe and Lex danced together, looking deep into each other's eyes.

"She looks so happy," Lois said. "I've never seen her that happy before."

"I know. Lex does too."

"I'm glad they finally did it," Lois said.

Clark nodded, squeezing her gently. "And that'll be us in two weeks' time."

"I have to admit though, that I'm glad you guys decided to have your bachelor parties together. Because I don't think I could handle it if you suddenly disappeared."

"I promise you, here and now, Lois, that I will never let that happen."

"Good. Because, Smallville, if you ever did, I would find some Kryptonite and kill you dead."

Two weeks later

Oliver was standing with Dinah, watching the happy couple take their first dance as husband and wife.

"They seem very happy," Dinah said.

Oliver nodded. "Chloe told me once that Lois and Clark were at each other's throats the first year after they met. They were always sniping at each other. Hell, if I lived with such a beautiful woman, I'd bury my feelings in sarcasm too."

"Would you now?" Dinah asked.

Oliver found himself blushing. "Uh, well, I ..."

"Relax, Oliver," Dinah chuckled. "You'll learn. Eventually."

Lex and Chloe chuckled at the two blondes. "Think he's bitten off more than he can chew with that one," Lex commented to his wife.

"I'd say Oliver's more than met his match," she answered. She glanced at the blonde woman dancing with the dark-headed man. "Isn't that Bruce? Who's that with him?"

"All I know is, her name's Selina Kyle. Bruce wouldn't tell me anymore than that."

"Selina Kyle huh?"

Clark and Lois came over, having finished their first dance. "What are you guys talking about?" Lois asked.

"Bruce with Selina."

"Oh. Yeah. Bruce met her through work. Not sure what she does, but ..."

"She's a cat burglar," Clark commented.

"Clark Kent. You wouldn't be keeping secrets from me, would you?"

Clark shrugged, attempting to put on an innocent face.

"I overheard them talking. She goes around Gotham dressed as Catwoman."

Lois raised an eyebrow. "Oh, I am so going to have to have a talk with that man. Imagine, Batman going out with Catwoman. She's gotta be hypnotising him, or something."

"Maybe she's just really good in ..."

"Don't even finish that sentence, Clark Kent, unless you want to be spending the honeymoon alone."

"Um, yes dear."

Lex chuckled. "Henpecked already," he said. "Welcome to the club!"

Chloe turned a glare on him. "You might want to rephrase that, Luthor," she told him. "Or else you'll be sleeping on the sofa in the study."

"Uh, honey, the mansion has seventy-five rooms."

"Keep talkin' Luthor."

"Yes, darling, sorry darling. What can I do to make it up to you?"

Chloe grabbed his elbow and pulled him away. Lois and Clark looked at each other and chuckled. Lois suddenly put a hand on her belly.

"Ouch!"

"I'm guessing the little one's kicking again."

"Probably practicing to be a linebacker," Lois groaned.

"Come on, wife, let's get you home."

"Ooh, wife. I like the sound of that."

Clark lifted her in his arms, kissing her gently. "Me too," he said.


	23. The One With the Baby Shower

**Episode Twenty-Three: The One With the Baby Shower**

"Hurry up you guys," Chloe said, turning her head and looking at the three men as they entered the Talon.

Clark looked at Lex and sighed.

"How did your wife end up being the boss of us?" he said, hefting one of the boxes he was carrying.

"I heard that, Kent. And do you want your wife to hear about how you were being very unhelpful when it came to her baby shower?"

"That's playing dirty Mrs Luthor," Lex told her.

"That's Sullivan-Luthor. And don't you forget it," she retorted.

Lex sighed. "Yes dear."

Chloe glared at him, then nodded her head in the direction of the counter, indicating to put the boxes there.

"Move it or lose it, Luthor. We need to get everything set up before Lois gets here. You know it's her last day of work today. While she's on maternity leave, that is."

Clark grinned at his friend.

"Better do as she says or I can see you being made to sleep on the couch for the next month."

"Yeah, laugh it up, Kent. I know where you live."

"Ooh, I'm so scared!"

"Guys, sheesh!" Oliver said behind them. "And how did I manage to get the heaviest box?"

"Suck it up, Queen," Lex told him.

"Yeah, want some cheese to go with that whine?"

"Oh puh-leeze," Oliver said, rolling his eyes as he put the box down on the counter. "I don't even know why we were volunteered to help out with this shindig anyway. She's your ball and chain."

His phone rang at that moment and he looked at it. Clark glanced at the caller display.

"Speaking of balls and chains," he smirked.

"Oh hell no. There is no way Dinah's getting one of those on my finger," he said, indicating the gold band on each of Clark's and Lex's ring fingers.

"You'll learn," Lex chuckled as Oliver went to take his call from Dinah. He looked around for Chloe, then realised she had gone out the back to check the preparations with Lana. Then he looked at Clark. "Shall we?"

Clark grinned at him, then went into superspeed mode, quickly putting the decorations up. He was finished in seconds.

"Piece of cake," he said.

Chloe and Lana came back out, staring at the decorations.

"Clark Kent, did you just use your super speed?"

Clark tried to look innocent. "Umm, no?"

"You liar," Lana accused. "You did so! I am sooo telling Lois when she gets here. You know you're not supposed to use your powers outside of work."

"Careful Clark," Lex laughed. "I can so see a couch in your future. Maybe for the next year."

"Try the next eighteen years," Oliver snorted. "Because I'm guessing she won't want you anywhere near her when the kid's born."

"Oh yeah, very funny. You wait, Luthor. It'll be your turn next."

"Clark!" Chloe said.

Lex looked around at her in surprise.

"Chloe?"

"No, Lex, for heaven's sake."

"Oh! Phew!"

"What's that supposed to mean?" she asked, her hands on her hips.

"Umm, nothing? I just ... well, I thought with your work with Bruce and ... everything that you wouldn't want to ..." Clark looked on in astonishment as Lex blushed. He actually blushed!

Chloe stalked back into the office and Lex followed. Clark looked at Oliver.

"Funny how he loses his superior verbal skills whenever he's in trouble with Chloe."

"Is that what that was? I just thought he was making a total ass of himself."

"Yeah, that too."

Lana rolled her eyes. "Well, if you two have finished gabbing like two old ladies, Chloe and I have a party to prepare for."

Oliver looked at Clark. "Old ladies? Did she just ..."

"She did."

"What do you wanna do about it?" Oliver asked.

"It's time for the heavy artillery," Clark said. He whipped out his phone and dialled. It was answered on the second ring. "Hey, Pete!"

Lana's eyes widened. "Oh, don't you dare, Kent! Give me that phone!"

Clark chuckled, talking to Pete and dodging Lana at the same time.

"Clark, that is so not a nice thing to do, calling my boyfriend. I swear to god if you weren't invulnerable I'd kick your ass right now."

"Hear that Pete?" Clark said into the phone. "She's threatening me."

The guffaws on the other end told him exactly what Pete thought of Lana's threats. Clark grinned as Pete told him to hand the phone over.

Lana blushed as she took the phone.

"Hi Pete. No, really, Clark's just fooling around. You know how he gets. Oh, um, this weekend? Sure. What did you want to do? Great. I'm looking forward to it."

Oliver and Clark just laughed at her as she ended the call.

"You are so dead, you guys. That is such a juvenile thing to do!"

"You started it!" Oliver said and she turned an icy glare on him.

"Grow up, Queen!" Chloe said, coming out from the office. Lex followed behind her looking very satisfied. Now that Clark thought about it, Chloe's clothes looked a little rumpled.

"Chloe, you got a little, uh, smudge, right there," Oliver said, indicating his upper lip. He grinned at Lex. "Getting up to a little back room hanky panky?" He slapped Lex's hand in a 'high-five'.

"Subtle, Oliver," Chloe retorted.

Clark figured now would be a good time to leave, considering Lois had probably left work already and was on her way to the Talon. The baby shower was meant to be a surprise, so as far as Lois knew, she was just meeting their friends for their normal Friday night get-together.

Very little had changed since he and Lois had got married. Pete and Dinah might drop in occasionally, but they had very quickly made themselves a part of the group. Clark was glad of that in a lot of ways. His father used to say that change was inevitable. And he should know, since the slightest change in the weather could affect the crops on the farm. But it didn't have to mean leaving friends behind.

They adjourned to the mansion for quiet drinks. Chloe had apparently laid down the law about Lex's drinking and he had been forced to cut down.

And speaking of Chloe, Clark thought.

"What was that all about at the Talon?" he asked.

Lex looked at him, puzzled.

"What?"

"The baby thing."

Lex looked a little shamefaced.

"Yeah. I'm not sure I want to have kids. I mean, I'd make a terrible father."

"You're not Lionel," Clark assured him. "Just because he was a bad father, it doesn't mean you're going to be."

Lex looked away. "I don't know, Clark. I mean, with you, it's a given that you'll be a great dad. You had such a great example. Mine, not so much."

"It doesn't mean anything," Oliver told him.

"Besides, who says I'm going to be any better?" Clark said. "Considering the fact that I spend half my nights out patrolling as Superman."

"Oh, well that makes me feel so much better. Come on, Clark, there's no comparison. I mean, my father had his own parents murdered. Not to mention ..."

"Not to mention what?"

"He cheated on my mother at every turn."

"Yeah, we know all that. And I met Lucas. Remember?"

"I have a sister too," Lex said. "I only found out about it a few months ago."

Oliver looked shocked. "A sister? Really?"

Lex nodded. "Lionel left something for her in his will. Her name's Lutessa. But she goes by the name of Tess."

"Whoa! Lex, that's ... how do you feel about this?" Clark asked, and his friend sighed.

"I'm not sure how I feel. I've spent a few weeks tracking her down and I met her a couple of weeks ago. She's a marine biologist."

Oliver frowned. "This wouldn't be a girl named Tess Mercer, would it?"

Lex looked at him, shocked. "Yes."

"I know her. I, uh, dated her, for a couple of years. We met when I was on the island. She was being held hostage by these drug runners. It's a long story. But, yeah, we met."

"How did she take it?" Clark asked, feeling sympathy for his friend and the way this had been sprung on him.

"Let's just say that she practically laughed in my face." He huffed. "I don't know. I guess I just need to give her time."

"Does Chloe know?" Oliver asked, and Lex nodded.

"I told her when I first found out about. It's not like I can keep anything from her. Anyway, my point is, with that kind of genetic disposition, what chance do I have at being a good father?"

"Lex, if there's one thing I've learned from my parents, it's that biology doesn't automatically make someone a good parent. And the fact that you we're actually having this conversation tells me that you will be a good father. You just have to believe that in yourself."

Lois was shocked to find the Talon had been decorated for the baby shower.

"Oh, you guys," she said, tears in her eyes. She was about four weeks from the due date and she had hated leaving the Daily Planet, even if it was for only a few months.

"Happy baby shower," Lana beamed. "We've got lots of presents."

Lois grinned. "Oh, goody, I like presents."

Chloe thought it was a good thing that Lois was in a good mood. She'd been having weird mood swings lately.

Lois settled on the sofa, rubbing her belly. She winced.

"Sore huh?" one of the girls from work asked.

"Like you wouldn't believe. I remember when I was pregnant with the twins, oh my god I was in agony for weeks, it was like ..."

"Ah, hello, can we focus on my pain?" Lois said.

Yep, and there she went, Chloe thought. It was amazing just how quickly Lois could go from one mood to the next.

"So where's the presents?" Lois asked, reaching out eagerly for the decaf latte Lana handed her.

Most of the gifts brought had been for the baby, of course. But Lana and Chloe had decided it was unfair for the baby to get all the gifts and they had bought Lois a few things. Lois looked in the bag handed to her and pulled out a bottle of bubbly.

"Wine? You gave me a bottle of wine?"

"Yeah," Lana said. "For you know, after the baby's born."

"I'm going to be breastfeeding Lana. Do you want me to get the baby drunk?"

"But that won't, that isn't ... We just thought ..."

"You thought? You thought? You, ow ... ow, ow, ow, ow ow!"

"Lois?" Chloe looked at her cousin, frowning in concern as Lois pressed a hand to her belly.

"It's nothing," Lois said. "It's just false contractions. I've been getting them for days." She started to struggle to her feet. "I'm just gonna go to the bathroom."

Lana and Chloe looked at each other as Lois got to her feet with the help of one of the girls sitting next to her and waddled off to the bathroom.

"Uh, Lana, Chloe, I don't think those are false contractions," the mother of the twins said.

Chloe frowned. "Why not?"

"Her water broke."

"What?" Lana and Chloe stared wide-eyed at the wet spot on the sofa. Lana groaned.

"Oh my god, that's going to take forever to get out," she complained.

Chloe rolled her eyes at her friend.

"Lana, focus! Lois is in labour. She's probably been that way for hours and didn't even know it."

"So what do we do?" Lana asked.

"We call Clark and tell him to get back here."

Lana frowned. "I thought she wasn't due for another four weeks! She's early!"

"Yeah, but don't forget there are special circumstances," Chloe told her friend in a low voice.

"Oh yeah," Lana said.

One of the others had gone to check on Lois and she came back out.

"Uh, you guys, I don't think you're going to have time to get her to the hospital."

Chloe was taken aback. "What?"

She went into action, grabbing the phone and thrusting it at Lana.

"Call Clark!"

Lana nodded and dialled.

Clark had his feet up on the coffee table, watching a football game with Lex and Oliver. All three of them were yelling at the big screen.

"He's going for it. He's going for it! Woo-hoo! Touchdown!"

None of them heard his phone ringing. Seconds later, there was another phone ringing. Lex picked it up.

"Lex Luthor! Lana, we're in the middle of ... she what? Okay, I'll tell him!" He hung up and turned to Clark who had a mouthful of popcorn. "You might want to get over to the Talon. Lois is having the baby."

Clark froze mid-chew and stared at his friend. He swallowed hard.

"Uh, what?"

"She's having the baby. Apparently she's been in labour for hours and didn't even know it."

"What? But she's early!"

Oliver rolled his eyes.

"We're aware of that, Clark. Go! Your wife needs you."

Clark left at superspeed, scattering popcorn kernels everywhere. Oliver and Lex looked at each other and shrugged.

"Guess we'd better get over there," Lex said.

Clark arrived at the Talon within seconds. Lana was waiting for him outside.

"Where is she?" he asked.

"The bathroom," Lana said. She reached out and he looked at her. "You have dust on your jacket. Clark, don't you think ... I mean, it's going to look pretty weird to the other girls if you just appear within about a minute of the call?"

Clark shrugged. "I guess so. I'll go in the back. Have you called the paramedics?"

"They're on their way."

Clark hesitated, hearing Lois scream.

"Hang on, baby, I'm coming!"

"Go. She needs you."

Clark sped into the alley and through the back of the coffee shop. He made his way into the bathroom. Lois was kneeling on the floor, yelling in pain. Chloe was next to her, yelling out instructions to breathe. Clark slipped on the viscous pink-coloured fluid on the tiled floor.

Chloe glared up at him. "Yeah, nice one, Clark. Take over. She's crowning already."

Clark knelt beside his wife and took her hand.

"I'm here, Lois."

"It's about freaking time, Smallville!" she growled. "I swear to God I am going to find some Kryptonite and shove it so far up your heinie for making me go through this, you won't be able to sit down for a whole year! I hate you, Clark Kent. You ... oh, god!" She shuddered as another contraction took hold.

"Don't worry, honey, I used to watch the calving all the time at the farm. It's all perfectly natural."

"I'm not a freaking cow, you freak of nature!"

It was the pain talking. It had to be. He began rubbing her back in small circles, hoping that would help her calm down. His x-ray of her lower body showed the baby was well in the birth canal.

Chloe came back in. "I've got some towels and some warm water. The paramedics will be here any minute."

"I don't think there's any time," Clark told her. He had one hand on Lois' back and the other beneath her. "I can feel the baby coming. Uh, Lois, you need to push."

Lois lifted her head to glare at him. "What the hell do you think I'm doing, Smallville!"

"Push, Lois. The baby needs oxygen!"

Lois yelled again and her body contracted as she began pushing.

"That's it, Lo, you're doing great!"

Clark could feel the movements of her body beneath his hands. The head was out but there was more to come.

"Okay, Lois, you need to push really hard now."

"I don't want to push," she wailed. "You push."

"Lois, the baby needs your help to get the rest of the way there. Come on, you can do this. Okay? You're my brave girl and I love you and I just need you to be brave just a little longer. I know you're tired sweetheart, but just one more."

He kept speaking soothingly to his wife. She looked up at him and for a moment and they gazed at each other. Then she bit her lip resolutely and nodded slightly, pushing as hard as she could. Clark caught the baby before it could slide onto the floor, handing it quickly to Chloe who was holding out a towel.

Lois fell on her rump on the tiled floor, panting and crying. Clark held her, kissing her temple.

"That's my girl," he said.

"Want to cut the cord Dad?" Chloe asked. Clark looked at her. He didn't see any scissors in sight.

"Scissors?"

"Try your heat vision," Chloe said.

Clark grinned sheepishly. "Oh yeah."

Meanwhile, Lex and Oliver were hovering outside the bathroom, guarding the entry. They had heard the yelling and wanted to keep the other party guests away to protect the couple. Suddenly inside the room it all went quiet. Then they heard the sound of an infant wailing.

"Now that's a nice sound," Lex grinned.

About a minute later, Chloe came out, holding a small bundle. The white towel was covered in what appeared to be bloodstains and some viscous fluid. Lex looked at his wife.

"So?"

"It's a girl," Chloe grinned.

Lex looked at Oliver. "Damn!" he said, clicking his fingers and waving his hand.

"Pay up, loser!"

Clark came out, looking dishevelled. "You guys had a bet on the sex of the baby?"

"Yep!"

Clark sighed. Those two would never learn. They were always betting against each other on something.

A paramedic came in with a stretcher. "Coming through."

"You're a little late," Chloe said.

"Very sorry, Miss ..."

"Mrs Luthor," she told him and the man swallowed.

"Ah, right. Well, we've been a bit busy, actually. There was a pile-up on the highway. Some prison escapee decided it would be fun to hijack a bus and run it full tilt into oncoming traffic."

"Yeah," his partner said. "Where's Superman when you need him?"

Clark sighed. That was the trouble with being Superman. Despite all his powers, he couldn't be everywhere at once. And Lois had been his priority.

"Well, you know, if the lawmakers would get off their lazy asses and actually do something about crime, they wouldn't need Superman so much, now would they?" Lex retorted.

Now that was telling them. Clark grinned at his friend, even as Lex started to get on his soapbox. He watched the medics do their work, getting Lois settled on the stretcher. As she was taken out, she reached out for the bundle still in Chloe's arms.

It was a tired Lois who greeted him half an hour later. The baby had been cleaned up and examined by a nurse who worked for Emil Hamilton. She was now sleeping in a little bassinet next to Lois' bed.

"Hi," Lois said.

He sat on the side of the bed. "Hi. Still hate me?"

Lois shrugged. "Meh, maybe not."

Clark looked at his tiny daughter. She had thick black hair and a tiny pert nose that reminded him of Lois.

"So what are we going to call her?" he asked.

"I don't know," she said.

"What about Ella?" Clark asked.

"What about ... Lara?"

Clark frowned. "Lara?"

Lois shrugged. "Yeah. I mean it's your mother's name. Your real mother."

Clark smiled. "Let's think on it. We don't have to decide straight away."

"You're right," Lois smiled back.

There was a gentle knock on the door and it opened slowly. Chloe beamed.

"May we come in?" she said.

"Of course," Lois said, shifting in the bed.

Their four friends entered, armed with flowers for Lois. Clark beamed at them as they began cooing over the baby, which slept on, oblivious to her dramatic entrance to the world.

Clark watched his friends. No matter how things changed between them he knew they would always be there for him and Lois. No matter what.

THE END


End file.
